Good mothers are of ZENITH importance!!!
Today’s Moral Decay
You know, they say the devil is in the details. I agree. He creeps in incrementally every time we stop paying attention, and in such small amounts that it’s almost imperceptible. On a day to day basis, the change is hardly even noticeable. But, over the course of years the current era is almost unrecognizable as a brother of the past. If we are to undergo any sort of correction in our moral decay, it has to start with our youth.
Motherhood… the most important job in the world.
Bill Maher is ignorant. Well, actually the most absolute statement I can make in reference to him is that in at least as far as the difficulty, importance, and far reaching repercussions of good motherhood is concerned, Bill Maher is ignorant.
I recently saw a video of Bill Maher implying that being a stay at home mom couldn’t POSSIBLY compare to the difficulties of a REAL job. Below is a link to the video.
Click HERE to watch.
Wow. Just wow.
Dear Mr. Maher,
I think the quote “A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in” pretty accurately sums up one of the main purposes of life. I understand the truth of this quote, although that truth does defy its literal meaning. You see, the men that do the planting know differently. No one, absolutely no one demonstrates this more thoroughly than the mother who personally supervises each and every stage of their child’s learning, development and absorption of love. This, Mr. Maher, is called motherhood. And if this doesn’t compare in your world to “having to get your ass out the door at 7am, when it’s cold”, then you sir, have absolutely no idea of the requirements to be a good mother (not to mention the fact that in most cases a mother has already been up a number of times in the middle of the night long before 7am, or the fact that if a mother’s day would be guaranteed to start at 7am and only last for 8 hours, you would hear an earth-shattering sigh of relief from mothers around the globe). The fact is, every single job known to man pales by comparison in terms of load and importance when motherhood is performed correctly.
Good Motherhood… an artistry that will have Monet, Degas, and Matisse all sit the *#$% down.
Every single thing that a good mother/housewife does is a salaried position outside of the home. The only difference is that most of the SALARIED positions get to sleep in until their shifts start. Do you not pay a restaurant for providing you with cooked food? Do you not tip the waiter? Do you not pay the dry cleaners for your laundry? Do you not pay a house cleaner to maintain your home? If you actually ever find someone that you want to procreate with, do you not think that you’d have to pay for a nanny (imagining that the procreation itself would take place with a like-minded individual who also thinks that their time is better spent away from their child so that they can earn enough money to pay for someone else to actually do the job of raising that child)? Do you consider THOSE things jobs? Well, those are all things that a REAL mother/housewife does for zero dollars. However, she does it for a much more prestigious salary than any corporate executive would ever HOPE to receive. She does it for love. A love that will never be experienced by the type of mother that has the option to stay at home, but is willingly gone 5 days a week, eight hours a day. You see, THAT type of mother took care of the “nature”, but she outsourced the “nurture”. And if our moral and genetic legacy is really one of the main purposes of life, then how can you neglect its oversight? Make no mistake; no one will care for your child, regardless of how much you pay him or her, like the child’s mother. No one. Our children are our future. And our future is MUCH too important to outsource.
I understand that some situations prevent a mother from staying at home all day and overseeing absolutely everything. But, let’s at least acknowledge that this is the ideal, and it is something that we should shoot for, not something that we should trivialize or frown upon. If there is ever an opportunity for a mother to be able to stay at home and oversee a child’s upbringing and development, let’s just be grateful. The nuclear family (that long forgotten type of family that we read about in the history books) is a team sport, and it works. Somebody gets to be shirts, but the other person has to be skins. There is no crown to be worn more proudly than that of a good mother, and it’s a shame that a good portion of people have stopped respecting that crown (as if the time it took to achieve the crown could’ve been better spent elsewhere).
Answer this: How many problems would we erase from the world with a population of amazing female lawyers, doctors, or CEOs? NOW, tell me how many of those same problems would vanish in the blink of an eye with a population of Amazing moms?
I intend to sit under my planted tree, in the shade, long after I’m gone. And anyone who truly believes that we live on through our children knows that we will ALL sit in the shade of the trees we plant, for ever, and ever… should we keep planting, and watering, and nurturing… and provided we have good mothers.
Sincerely, and God bless.
-Sean Patrick Flanery
This is beautifully written, and very true. Love it!
I still have the same feeling I had in the letter I gave you in April. You may or may not remember it. I won’t repeat myself here. We’ll have to agree to disagree on certain points.
This is a beautifully written piece and very true!
My mom taught me the importance of education and the arts and took me to museums all the time when i was little. Now i will earn my BFA in Theatre Arts with an all level teaching cert in August. Now i get to help mold young minds.
1st, Sean…That has got to be you in the baby pic!! The eyes are a give away. Beautiful baby and mama. 2nd…As always this is just perfectly written. You sir are a words-smith. But you speak the truth…This is why we respect you.
Unless it’s his way of showing off his baby without announcing it!
Precisely my thought. What a beautiful picture. 🙂
Very well said! I completely agree…. I am not a stay at home mom but I wish I could be. It is completely a 24/7, not appreciated necessity that I believe are society over looks. Being a working mom ( 60 to 70 hrs a week), I constantly worry that my son is not getting the love and nurturing that every child deserves. I am how ever blessed with family that can care for him while I work. It would kill me to have to send him off to a stranger every day!
By far, one of my favorite blogs. I’m so glad you reposted. When you originally posted this months ago, I was shocked by the anger directed at you. Completely and utterly shocked. I hope people read this blog without a defensive attitude because this is a beautiful blog. I think I’ll just sit back and wait for the comments to begin….should be interesting.
I agree with everything you wrote. The one thing that stood out though is the outsourcing of nurture. I do not have the choice of staying home with my children. I am a single mother and my children depend on me to provide for them. My children adore me even though I do work full time. I do work from home which makes it easier but when I am working, I am working and cannot devote all my time to them. My kids are definitely nurtured by me. I have 3 amazing children who are always smiling, have big hearts, are very open minded and do not judge others. I always get compliments on their manners. People say they do not see those kind of manners from kids these days. One example is they shake someone’s hand when they meet them and say nice to meet you. They also offer up their seat to their elder if none available. So while I do agree with most of this, I do disagree that because you work 8 hours a day, you aren’t nurturing your children they way they should be.
Thank you Lori!!!! This is what I took umbrage with last time around, and never got a chance to address! I hate that I’m away from my son, but I have no choice. (he needs to eat, after all). What I found completely offensive was the implication that working mothers were women who chose to just breed some kids for someone else to take care of and that we were not nurturing. If I didn’t work to support my son and put food on the table and clothes on his back, then what kind of a mother would I be? And while Bill Maher’s delivery could have been different, I almost agree with the gist of what he’s saying. It’s NOT easy shlepping my butt out the door at 6:45 AM every day, after waking up at 5 Am to make sure my son is clean, changed and dressed and then fed before going to school. And then rushing home late at night to put dinner on the table, throw a few loads of laundry in, AND sit and read a book with my little guy. Being a GOOD mother is the hardest job in the world, whether you stay at home or work. And I hope Sean knows that although some of us may disagree with some of the things he says, that doesn’t mean there is hate involved. I don’t ever hate on anyone if I don’t agree with them.
I think he said he understands that everyone has a different situation, but that we shouldn’t frown upon stay-at-home moms or act like they don’t have a tough job. I work a lot, have for the past few years, but I make time for my kids as much as possible. If I could stay at home with them again, I would in a heartbeat! I actually hope to do that sometime soon, because that is ideal to me and the little ones. 🙂
I am or was a stay at home mother for over 18 years, I now look after my two granddaughters…. and you don’t know how much I appreciated reading this post. For the first time in a long time I was able to raise my head up high and feel proud. I could have added a few my expenses for Mr. Maher but you got to the point…I gave up a career and money for my kids… but I am so proud of my five adult children… I love your blogs that are really remarkable… I can tell your Mom did a great job too. I like people who tell it the way it is and your Sir do that!*smile*
Unfortunitly I have to leave my son who’s 1 at a daycare, too return to college. I don’t want to but his father left me after I had him because “It was too much for him to handle.” I blame myself for keeping him even though I was too young to have a child. So now I have to send my son to daycare starting next tuesday so that I can go back to college. He’s only one I dont want him to be away from me for 8 hours a day it stresses us both out. I’ve been crying about this since the day his father left because I knew I was going to have to do this for our future. I don’t like being away from him for a few hours never mind a whole day. It breaks my heart.
Ashly, I am sorry to see no one else has responded to you. I think you ought to know that while it is nice for moms who can to stay home, there are so many other factors at play. It is over-simplified to say that that must be the only way it is, or children will grow up lacking. It sounds to me like you’re making an incredibly hard, but very mature decision that will ultimately benefit you and your son. Don’t you worry about having to leave him because of your circumstances. Believe that your going back to college will provide an increased quality of life for you both as a family, will provide your son a good example of how to work hard when life goes to shit, and will give you both a boost in your trajectory toward your future. What benefits a baby most in a situation like yours (where mom has to be gone and is single) is that she take good care of herself and combats depression, that she finds high quality childcare that she develops a good relationship with, that she invest in making the future more stable (financially & otherwise), and most importantly that she love every single minute of time she does have with her baby. Play, love, snuggle, tickle, smile, read, explore your way through his days. The best parents, all others things held constant, are the ones who are highly involved and have high expectations for their kids. You can do this! Get to know your son and be really involved with him every minute you can. Get to know him so well you know how to challenge him as he grows. Don’t worry that you have to use daycare. You are working so hard, and I for one, won’t hesitate to say that I may not know you, but I’m proud of you! Keep going!
Loved it the first time I read it. Still love it.
Sean
As with the first posting of this blog I agree with you completely in an ideal situation a stay at home mom does the most benefit to her children for sure! If she can be there day in and day out to guide her children and care for them its perfect if she is a good and moral person. Working mothers can be a great influence as well as long as instead of wanting to relax and be left alone after work they pay attention to and play with their children and make up for the fact that they can’t be there all the time! Children learn what they see and I have done both mom roles at the law office all day or sitting in some stupid court room when I’d rather be home with my girls. But when I was home I made sure it was all about Ally and Cassie. When I got sick and couldn’t work I was almost happy cause I got to be a full time mom.
You have a beautiful heart and emotionally charged in your beleifs I admire that even of I don’t always agree with your methods.
Love you buddy
Wow!! Thank you for getting it right when it comes to being a good mom & that is the support system that is so important in this life. I didn’t have that as a child but I am a good mom to my 2 daughters. As someone who married young at 20 & had 2 daughters, and a divorce in 6 years time-couldn’t stay home with them, had to work. But, when I got home it was time to put on that 2nd hat of MOM. Being a Mother is the Best Job I have ever had in this life & it always will be the Best Job. Time is more important than money, and the things you can buy for them. Its the memories & the things you teach them that help them to become wonderful adults with the “right stuff” to contribute to this world and make it a better place for all. My daughters are 26 & 27 now & I am so happy & proud of the relationship I have with them. Motherhood is a lifelong job-sign on for that job, and its forever. Again, Sean thank you for understanding and getting it right. Terri 🙂
Thank you.
Thank you so much for re-posting. This was my favorite blog ever! Have read this blog to so many people and will be sharing it with many more. Glad to know someone out there gets it and has respect for the things stay at home mom’s do. You are my hero!
Sean, I cannot tell you how much this blog means to me. I am a stay at home mother to a beautiful 3 year old girl and I cant imagine myself anywhere else but with her. You hit ever vital point of how people look at stay at home moms just because they do not “bring home the bacon”. In their eyes, we do nothing of importance. We sit around on the couch all day, eating Bon Bons and watching soap operas. Far from the truth! I wake up numerous times during the night to make sure everything is good with her. That she is safe, and sound in her bed. When she wakes, I feed her, and give her her morning juice. We play, we talk, we learn. In the process of watching her, I clean the house, pay the bills, etc. I may not have a 9 to 5 job, that pays me. No, instead, I have a job in which I work 24/7, 365 days a year. I take no breaks. At times, I want to pull my hair out, yes. But…I chose this life, and so it is me, who deals with it. I make sure my daughter is provided for, safe, healthy and happy. I teach her manners, respect and what she will need to learn when she goes to school. She is by far the best thing I have ever done in my life, and I would never change that. A mother brings her child into the world, enduring months of sickness, pain, and being uncomfortable. She spends hours in agonizing pain to bring that said child into the world and its the most beautiful experience to her. No regrets. You have captured my heart a little more.
I was touched by your words as if I was reliving them myself when my kids were 3…..you have a wonderful journey ahead of you and I wish you and your daughter much happiness and good health.
Wonderful, just wonderful. Can’t wait for the next one.
WOW, what a powerful article, you have a wonderful way with words, brought tears to my eyes. I miss my kids now 13 and 15 everyday. I was blessed to leave my 8+ hour day in medical field when they were 2 and 4 and now work from home. Will always treasure those carpools and sporting events. Love all the chatter of the kids in the backseat when they think you are not listening. 🙂
This is an issue I hear a lot about and it’s usually from someone who doesn’t have children. Being a mother is 24/7 there is no breaks! There is no vacation or off time! I wouldn’t change my life for anything in the world! I’m a single parent of two beautiful little girls and I get so many compliments on how great of a mother I am. I work and come home and continue to work. I have to feed them change them bathe them spend time with them play with them keep them happy nurture them do everything and anything to keep them healthy and happy but this is one job I will never quit one job that I look forward to working! Yes it can be frustrating at times of course but it’s worth it especially when we crawl into my bed and cuddle and my three year old brings me her favorite Dr.Seuss book, cat in the hat, and I’m laying there reading it with two sets of big beautiful eyes watching me and anticipating every word that comes out my mouth as I read the book with silly voices. Hearing laughter when I change my voice for each character. It’s worth it when I’m the only one who can comfort them when they’re sad or hurting. Its worth it when people are impressed with the manners my 3 year old has or the fact that she can carry on a more intelligent conversation than most adults can. It feels good to know that I raised them right and they’re not whiny out of control and I’ll mannered children. I’m proud to be a single parent and I wouldn’t change it for anything!!!
As a single mom, I agree it would be great to be able to stay home and oversee everything, just wish that was possible in all cases. Thank goodness I have 3 great kids who are flourishing even with me working!
This is your most beautiful post yet, Sean. Thank God I had one of those wonderful mothers you speak of! Words cannot express how much I love her, respect her and want to be like her. I only hope I’m as good of a mother as her.
Beautifully written! Thank you for standing up for stay at home moms, although I am not one my sister is and she does truly work very hard!
This is extemely well articulated and a pleasure to read. I was slightly worried about this taking a turn in a direction that might have become verboten, but thankfully it did not.
Bill Maher is the epitome, the archetype of the modern liberal. Very similar to the conservative pundits he continues to malign for their notoriously public gaffes, he does the exact same thing but under the coat of armour he feels “speak for the people”. Sidenote: he’s not my people and is not entitled to speak on my behalf.
Motherhood is the hardest job I’ve seen anyone do. Let alone raise multiple children. I have told friends of mine who are moms that I could NEVER do what they do and there isn’t really a dollar figure one can put on the sacrafices that a good mother makes for their children without hesitation.
Thanks for so eloquently defending this subject.
I love this and it is so true I work in a daycare and I’m not saying any of are moms are bad but you can tell which ones want to be working and not raising there own kids and which ones wish that they had more time with them but just can’t afford to do it I wish that maternity leave was longer then just a year you should have the choice to stay with your kids longer and not have to go back to work
Peace and love mistee
Agree completely and beautifully written! This reminded me of a quote I read earlier in the week.
Good women: may we know them, may we be them, may we raise them.
As a single mom who just recently had to return to work after 3 yrs, this blog just put into words all I’ve been feeling and thinking the last two months. Thanks so much!
My mom would really appreciate this!
The important thing I learned of being a mom is to believe in your child and really listen to them, Encourage the things that make them happy. My son is a film maker and worked on a few projects, Everyone told me he cant make it in that field and why am I basically setting him up for failure. Failure? Really? The point is it can be anything they are good at. The big thing is nurturing and making them realize they are good at what they do and point them in a good direction. He just recieved his assoiciates in film and is working on his bachelors. He loves what he does and thats what we moms always want for our kids, to have our kids love what they do.
My Mom wanted to be a stay at home Mom, but circumstances lead to her having to go to back to school and get a degree to take on a two person job solo. My Mother is my Heroine and I can only hope to live to be a fraction of the Woman that she is. Whether you’re a stay at home Mom (I consider that a major blessing!) or a Mom who works to financially support the family, as long as you love, instill values and Character into your children, you’re doing a great job.
*Side note: That truly is a gorgeous photo, Sean.
I absolutely agree Sean! I’m a stay-at-home Momma myself. My husband and I are blessed in that he has a job that pays enough so I can stay home and raise our son. Joey is 2 years old, counts to 20 (with a little help on the # 6 and # 16), speaks in full sentences, is learning Japanese and Spanish and shows respect to his elders. He’s no angel, there’s too much of his Daddy in him, haha, but I wouldn’t trade his worst tantrums for a good day in an office. I love being there when he wakes in the morning, making his meals, cleaning him up, teaching him new things (we’re learning about money right now, coins), and being there to play with him. I’ll admit that his nap time is just as much a restful time for me as it is for him, it’s also when I get most of my house work done. But again, I wouldn’t trade this for “paying” job, his smiles, his wonder at new experiences, his “Hi Momma, good morning.” is more than adequate pay for me. I’m not trying to discredit mothers that HAVE to work outside the home, ladies you do what you have to do to help your babies, my Momma did it too. I’m just saying, I’m glad I have that choice and that I’m home with my “little bear”. Do I have ambitions for employment? Yes, I’m going to school for massage therapy and plan to open a business in my home, that way I can still be home for those moments that I cherish. So, thank you Sean for posting this, we stay at home Mommas appreciate it!
Thank you.
“The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world”….Wiiliam Ross Wallace
K, this is definitely an area where I actually know something.. I have been a stay at home mom for 18 years, until recently… I had the odd jobs here and there, but always preferred to be home.. My son is 18 now and moved out, my daughters are both 11.. I now work part time, but still prefer to be at home with the girls.. I had them in both daycare, and day homes for a period of time when they were babies.. And what a nightmare! The daycare ended up being closed down, and the day home provider decided to cut their hair! Anyway, I have never felt comfortable leaving my kids with anyone.. I have said it for years, and it was also said here.. That no one can possibly love and protect my children like I would… I think stay at home mom is absolutely necessary, if you have the opportunity.. Unfortunately the economy doesn’t really make it easy for us.. Not everyone has a spouse, or a support network, who can assist/provide more than enough financially… It stinks… Even with two incomes we still struggle… I am in full support of stay at home moms… It isn’t an easy job, and it doesn’t come with medical coverage or vacation pay.. BUT, the overall payout is far greater than ANY job or career could ever offer!!! So to all you stay at home moms, CHEERS!!!!! And Bill Maher, FUCK YOU!! pardon my language.. 🙂
I like the way you think! Wonderfully written,and I agree with you 100%! 🙂
Today is actually my birthday. My mom had me twenty one years ago today, the day after she fell off a horse at work, and the same night she cooked thanksgiving dinner for fifteen people. I have to honestly say my mom is the most important person in my life. She sold her home, her business, and all of her horses to get me away from my abusive father and give me a chance at a good life. Now, my mom is dying of an incurable illness and is married to a man who starves her, calls her names, and treats her like she is worthless. Yet she still gives everything she has left for my young brother and sister who need her most. I would give anything to pay her back for what she sacrificed to give me a chance at living. Someday I will rescue her like she rescued me.
I love your Mother. Thank you for the wonderful words, and standing strong for something so incredibly real.
I love this and as someone who has worked in childcare for over 9 years now I can see the difference in the kids who are in childcare for 8-12 hours a day and the ones who are with their moms. The ones with their moms are usually (not all the time but most) happier and not so crazy but the ones who spend their days (literally some are there from 6am-6pm) at the daycare are the ones who crave attention and will do anything to get any kind of attention. So I say good job stay at home moms! The moms who have to work but would rather be at home with their kids I also say good job to you because I know that’s not easy.
Well said. I haven’t yet reached that stage in my life where motherhood is prevalent, but I’m hopeful that it is out there in my future. In the meanwhile I have the amazing examples of my own mother and sisters. My mother was a stay-at-home mom for the first twelve years of my life, I garuntee that without her there, teaching us the joys of music and literature and history; showing us proper manners and courtesy. Teaching us to cook and clean and look after ourselves, I would not be the person I am today.
My oldest sister has four children, she is a stay at home mom. She is a shining example of everything you’ve written here. She takes care of hearth and home. She shuttles from ballet, to piano, to scouts. Her youngest has special needs and they see three doctors a week between physical therapy and the heart doctor. There’s preschool and grocery shopping. Mending clothes, and putting band-aids on. Laundry and dishes, cooking and cleaning. Mom’s do all of that plus get between the siblings when they fight… and they do.
Another of my sisters is the ultra-mom. She takes care of her own family, raising her three babies and also somehow manages to run a preschool out of her home two-three days a week. I still consider her a stay at home mom, because she’s there for her kids. She always will be.
Sorry for the rant, but I felt the need to add in my two cents. Growing up what I wanted to be always changed with what I was into at the time. One thing never did. Being a Mom. For now I’m happy with the practice I get by being Aunt Heather. 🙂
Thanks for the words, they’re wonderful.
First of all, I really would like to have a long discussion with you Sean.
I agree, your words are beautiful and the idea of a woman staying home to raise her children is good. It’s a more than full time job and these women deserve so much support and respect. But I miss the daddies in your analysis. They are as important as the mommies and should carry their 50%.
It sounds like I need to decide for children/family or a career as woman. Why? I can’t accept this. I am greedy. I want to have both. I didn’t study for 10 years to stay at home for 18 or more.
My mom is my superhero, She is my rock. She did so well with my sister and me. She gave me to day nursery when I was 6 months to go back to work and I would say I turned out well. Okay GDR social net was MUCH better than the US. Nursery and kindergarten were for free. I think it’s also important for children to be together with other children before going to school.
I think you can combine motherhood with having a job and being good in both. Of course there are million living example around the world.
Thank you and well said.
I agree with you completely Sean. It seems like most of us do, To be honest, my own mother was a working mom, which us kids actually are thankful for because she is a very demeaning, mean spirited woman. The only time we felt love was when we were being watched by someone else. But at a very young age I made a promise to myself to never end up like my mother. I got married at 20 and by the time I was 22 I had two beautiful daughters. Neither my husband or I believed in daycare, so I was a stay at home mom. And my saying has always been you cannot spoil a child with too much love. I have extremely well behaved daughters, they are now in their late teens, and all their lives I have had people ask me what daycare they go to because they wanted to send their kids there. I told everyone that I was a stay at home mom, a military wife to boot, so my husband was often gone overseas for one or two years at a time, which does feel alot like being a single parent. As a matter of fact, he is overseas now. But neither myself nor my girls have ever begrudged him this. I married a soldier, and I have always been proud of that fact. As I am when I hear people tell me what wonderful children I have. My sister-in-law didn’t have a choice, and had to work, and unfortuntaly her kids ended up in one of those daycares you read about. Her own girls got abused there when she finally pulled them out. I never have trusted anyone but myself to raise my girls, and I know that I am blessed to have been able to do so. Thank you for taking the time to write about this. It means alot to many of your fans. And friends. God Bless you!
Wow 🙂
Yep being a stay-at-home Mom is a tough job. I work hard to make sure they’re clean, fed, clothed, happy and well behaved. Not just because I love them of course, but because I have a small fear in the back of my mind that Human Services would say “Oh you’re Deaf and almost blind, you can’t take care of these kids”. Crazy eh? As they grow older (one’s a teen now ACK) I worry less about that and more about outside influences. Everchanging role of a Mom but still a Mom 🙂
“It’s not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make successful human beings” ~ Ann Landers
This blog made my heart happy! It is so well written and beautifully spoken. I bet you make your mother VERY proud!
I am a young, single mother of two amazing kids! I have no “other half” to help raise them, no financial support from their fathers and have worked harder than I could have ever imagined to be the best mom I could be and set the right examples.
You are very right that being a mom is a twenty four hour job! I wish more than anything I could be a stay at home mother but that is not an option for me. Instead I work an average of 36 hours a week and have an abundance of support from my grandmother who cares for them when I am at my job. When I come home it’s time for homework, making dinner, spending time with them, giving them 110% of my love/attention, answering questions, giving my support to them, helping them through daily problems, getting kiddos bathed and ready for bed, teethe brushed, bedtime stories, bed time tuck ins, saying our prayers, cleaning house, doing laundry, making sure lunches are packed, clothes are ready for the morning, and dealing with any bad dreams or surprise illness that may occur during the night. It is sometimes alot to take on but when I see my kids smile, when they tell me they love me or call me the best mom ever it makes it so worth it! They are loving, kind, thoughtful children who are so smart. These kids are part of our future and what a bright future it is!
I’m rambling now so I’ll close and just say thank you again from the bottom of my heart for making such an awesome blog! You are such an inspiration to me and it feels amazing that you gave us moms a shout out of sorts 😀
On the flip side, being a female who DOESN’T want kids means I am a freak/broken/damaged/insane/letting the species down. People have actually looked at me in repulsion when I have stated it. Please can WE get a little respect too? It’s our body and our choice. Surely it would be worse to have kids if I didn’t WANT them? I’m 29 and all I get asked is; ‘So when are you having kids?’ Why would I want kids? I have Ballet, Pole Dance, BJJ, my freedom…. plus the world is overpopulated. I agree mothers work harder than just about anyone and deserve respect, but I think I do too. Try being a Vegan, Asexual who doesn’t want kids…that is not fun. Love and Hugs x
My mother is my hero. Even though my mom no longer works a 9-5 job anymore, she’s the hardest-working person I know. She does so much for my family & expects so little in return. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without having her around as much as I do. She has always made sure to remain an active part of my brother’s & my life; I admire her dearly.
I first read this blog the day after I met you at Blood on the Beach in April this year. I teared up again knowing that what this blog has to say is so true. If someone worked up a list of salaries the actual payment to stay at home Mom’s I bet it would amount to at least $200,000 per year. It is the most important job and a true WOW (woman of worth) that takes on the challenges daily.
Though I was a single working Mother and it was tough I see my youngest as a stay at home Mom and know every word you wrote is true! Being at home with your children is the ideal. If it can be done it should be the goal. It is truly that important.
Even though I had to work the best payment ever being a Mom is LOVE.
I agree with you 100% on this topic Sean. I absolutely love this blog. I didn’t think it was possible but I think I respect and love you even more now!! 🙂 My mother was a stay at home mom and i love her for it. My sister and I drove her crazy but she stayed on top of us and she caught us at everything we tried we would get mad at her then but I thank her for it now. who knows where we might have ended up without her there all of the trying to guide us and shape us into the ppl we are today. I also have to give props to my father for being there too and going out and busting his ass everyday so that it was possible for my mother to stay home with me and my sister. I thank God everyday for the parents he blessed me with. Now I myself am a stay at home mom and if I can be even 1/2 the mother that mine was then my kids should be just fine 🙂 Thanks for the blog Sean I think i’ll go hug my parents 🙂
I loved this one, I had to let my mother read this and the exact words out of her mouth were…pardon my french…”FUCK YEAH!” hahahaha so in any case I think that pretty much sums this up. I think Maher is a fool, never really liked him much and after reading this, I’m gonna keep my personal thoughts about him the same. Thanks for writing this one Sean, really. Wonderful.zswc3
Maher is as destructive to intellectual thought from the left as Limbaugh is from the right. He is not in any position to offer an “expert” opinion on anything beyond his own opinion, which seems to be informed by the rhetoric of others. Unfortunately, he appears to devour and regurgitate (the nicest way I could put it) any tidbit of mis-information he believes may make a good story. From what I can tell, he NEVER bothers to look up actual data or information, and instead makes a living off of ranting about half-truths that have been twisted beyond recognition. It’s depressing to me to watch as so many people would rather absorb sound bytes that can only be described as FLAT OUT WRONG, rather than investigate the facts. With so much technology available, it’s not hard to seek out information that is true, if you’re only willing to do so. And then to hear it.
Just re-read my post, and wanted to say my ranting wasn’t aimed at you, Victoria!!! I just figured it was a good place to yell a bit about Maher. And wow, do you have an awesome Mom! 🙂
I loved this very much Sean.. Thank you for sharing these beautifully written thoughts.. I’m a stay at home Mom and it is nice to hear the other opinion of that for once.
I remember this blog & love it! I don’t have any kids 🙁 but was blessed to have an amazing stay at home Mom. I know she worked hard taking care of me & my brothers..it was 24/7. The hardest job but most rewarding. I feel for the Moms today that Have to work. The devil is in the details & he creeps in slowly..this world is not the one I remember from my childhood. May sound crazy but it was magical 🙂 As I’m here back home taking care of my Mom she saying sorry for me having to take care of her & I can’t express enough for all she has done for me. She’s my Mom & my Angel~both to sooo many others too. Thank God the devil doesn’t have full control..We Do! Thanks for reposting & even though I’m not a Mom I’m thankful for my stay at home Mom. Blessed 🙂
I was a working mother. I had to work. I put off having a baby for many years, hoping my situation would change. It didn’t, so I had to make a choice of becoming a working mom or never having any children. I didn’t pay anyone to take care of my daughter, I was lucky to have my mom to watch her. I know that’s still not the same as being there with her everyday but I was there when she woke up every morning and I was there to make her dinner, help with her homework and tuck her in everynight. As far as my social life, I hardly ever went out on the weekends unless it was somewhere I could take her. And I didn’t care.
I know you made a point that you were talking about working mothers who had no choice and those are the ones I would like to say something about. Being a working mother is HARD. I work 2 jobs and average about 65 hours a week and it’s a piece of cake compared to working 1 job and raising a kid. We also have to get up at all hours of the night sometimes but then we have to go to work with no sleep. And we can’t take a nap when we get home because there’s to much to do. We have to take time off from work for doctor appointments, school events and activities, emergencies and hope that we don’t lose our jobs because of taking off so much time. Of course, now employers are more lenient but years ago it was very stressful. I only had 1 child, so to the working moms with 2 or 3 kids or more, I don’t know how you do it.
I got to stay at home for the first five years, I loved every minute of it. I never felt more fulfilled. Thanks.
This is the Truth told Straight! Most Men out there don’t even think a Mother’s job is even comparable to their “Hard-working, High-paying” job. They need to look at what a Mother actually does! If they think it’s So Easy, Then they should give it a try! Those men need too have a Long talk with the Woman that raised them and maybe they can start to understand what a Mother does.
There are really only 2 women in a mans life that they Truly love; There Mother and that girl they just can never forget.Even then, a mothers love triumphs All others. A Mother is Always there for you! No Matter What!! Her love is Unconditional. Keep in mind, I may have specified Men but this goes to Everyone in the world.
While I was reading I so happened to be on the phone with my mom and told her what this piece was about, and since she is unable to read she asked me to read it to her. As I was reading it i heard her get “chocked up” so I finish reading it. Then I asked her, “Whats Wrong?” She said, “Nothing, That’s it! It’s Perfect. It couldn’t be put better.” She politely asked me to leave a footnote at the end of my comment saying Thank you and how Brilliant it was.
So Sean, Thank you for writing this piece. It is Truly Amazing. <3
That a female as a mother is an important and unappreciated job, agree. That disrespecting that with flippant words on a national show is horrific, double agree. That a world would be a better place with more women as Mother’s (capitalization intentional) than Doctors, Lawyer and CEO’s? Hogwash. It’s better, more active, more knowledgeable parents in general that are needed. Parenting, being there, teaching, loving, respecting… it has nothing to do with whether you have a outside job, or even if you are a female. I applaud a good parent and they are everywhere, in the work place and at home.
p.s. love you sean, but satan? really?
That third one may be interpreted differently. That Mothers that stay home and nurture their love children do make better worlds than parents that spend majority of their time winding attorneys or such that the child goes either neglected or nurtured by another. A woman attorney can be a spit-fire and kudos to every woman who made history by becoming part of the workforce. I would still pray that they would be able to spend most of heir time with their children upon becoming mothers in life. I used to work 7 days a week, and did college, traveled the country and paid my dues while I was younger. I was even a maid for a dual income home for three adopted children. I would say that those children would benefit more from a mothers sheltering love than spoiling income. In light of a different interpretation (yes, there’s two ways to interpret everything!) a self-sacrificing mother bestows more to a child and nothing can replace a vigilant parent…. But here’s my view, where’s the Mothers guardian while she’s watching over the children?? That’s what’s read in fairy tales I guess!
Any child being neglected is slowly, life by life, destroying a community. Raising a child, developing a responsible, healthy and contributing person is the most important job we (humans) can do. I just think it doesn’t necessarily mean its only for mothers. It’s for a good parent. I admit if I could choose, I would stay home and raise my kid. And love every minute of it.
I’m so glad you posted this, even if I’m late to the game, hehe.
I loved this the first time you posted it, like many others. It’s a damn shame that so many of us women who are fortunate enough to stay home with our children have this societal stigma placed on us. As though we are somehow ruining it for everyone else.
My staying home with my kids has no direct affect on anyone else. Not that anyone would notice. But you’ll notice, and you’ll say something, when my five year old holds the door for you, when my seven year old politely orders her meal at a restaurant, and you’ll notice when you *don’t* notice them, because they’re generally well behaved in public.
Is it possible to have well behaved children without having a stay at home mother? Absolutely. But I believe it is easier to facilitate with me being home.
I’m quite a bit more of the traditional mother and wife. My husband is military, and with the incredible blessing of being able to stay home, I take it very seriously. I handle everything. And when I say everything, you need to know that I emphasize the word *everything*. Raising the kids, educating the kids (we homeschool), grocery shopping, housecleaning, laundry, cooking, uniform care, and I manage our finances. I, ***personally***, believe that because my husband works his ass off and puts his life on the line for me to stay home and raise our children, that aside from a few honey do things, the kids and the house are *my* responsibility. And I take great pride in doing so. I greatly understand that not everyone is able to have the same situation as myself, and I do whatever I can to help out fellow families where both parents have to work or households run by single mothers. Just because current economic times prevent the ideal situation doesn’t mean that we don’t have resources at our fingertips. My blood-sister hasn’t had children, but I’m an Auntie five times over to kids of various friends because I’m able to share my blessings with others.
Do I have other pursuits? Absolutely. If, G-d forbid, something should happen to my husband, I don’t intend to be completely without skills that can be applied to the workforce or even in an entrepreneurial manner. But my kids come first, and I’m grateful every morning that I am able to live the life I do.
All that to say: thank you for recognizing the impact of the stay at home mother and elevating it much higher than society would like to have us whooped into believing.
Dear Sean,
I re-read this because I thought it was so amazingly written. I was a stay at home mom until Zoe was 2. I am so happy I witnessed her first steps, her first words, her first experiences in this world. Her father and I got divorced when she was a year and a half old. At the last minute, I asked myself -can I really do this alone? Turned out I could and many of my friends commented that I was a single mother before truly becoming a single mother. I have worked some since then, but spent the past year again with Zoe (she is almost 6). It is not easy being a mom, but oh so rewarding. I also look around at other people’s children and am determined that Zoe will grow up with manners, be polite, be respectful, and to never take anything for granted. Out of my biggest mistake (her father) came my greatest joy. Thank you for your input. As always- Casey Corine Hutson
YES, nurturing children is important for humanity’s survival & evolution! It’s situational though, with noticeable patterns that veer off the traditional family structure (dad works, mom takes care of home & family, children spending more time at school than with their family)…Not the ideal life for me! Some of us have to take on multiple roles to provide & care for our children. Single moms (& dads) lots of heart, I’m right there with you! I’m an independent homeschooling/unschooling parent. It’s tricky & always a hustle, but worth the peace of mind to raise my daughter on my own. Not that I haven’t or wouldn’t try otherwise…I’ve had time to adapt to solo status, it would take a lot to change that now! I spend most of my time with my daughter, & am lucky to have wonderful family & friends in our lives to help at times when I can’t be at many places at once… I am also that Guardian Angel nanny in return, because I understand the struggles & love your children too. Once upon a time, raising children was the responsibility & joy of the whole tribe; not just one. <3
I may not be a mother but I highly respect mothers for their hard work all out of love. When younger I sometimes may not have really appreciated what my mother did for me but now that I’m older I’m more understanding & see that she did a whole lot. Granted she wasn’t a stay at home mom but there were times when she worked 2 jobs & took care of my sister & I while my dad worked 2-3 jobs at times also. I have thought of being a stay at home mom whenever I have children because I want to be there for them all the time. I want to raise them right & make sure they have all the necessities they need in life. By the way the mother & child in first photo are beautiful….I think I know who they are 😉 Once again love this blog post….just as good second time around!
I had a hunch about the mom & little angel in the picture too… 😉 Someone near and dear, I’m assuming.
Beautifully written, I am a single mother with 2 jobs. I begin work @ 4 am, take an hour lunch in the morning to get my kids off to school, get off by 12 pm, get home and do as much work as I can at my second job (work from home) b4 the kids get home from school. And then onto my 3rd “job” (which by the way is 24/7 & my favorite) being a MOMMY!! I get to snuggle, help with homework, make art projects.. clean the house, make dinner, eat dinner, kids help me clean up dinner dishes, get showers assigned, get beds ready, lay out clothes for all 3 of them, make lunches, get pj’s on everyone (well supervise) get my loves snuggled in.. read stories (to my 6 yr old) make sure my 13 yr old is doing okay (only boy/man) and listen to my 16 yr old’s teenage angst..lol when they drift into sleepy land.. I am finishing up whatever I didn’t get done with job # 2 (@ home) then I get all my stuff ready for the 4 am job and try to force myself to sleep, not that anyone is interested in my routine… but there it is, I would love to be a stay at home mom, but to make sure MY kids have what they need, I have to work. I have no choice.. The kids’ father (cringe at using that word) more like sperm donor.. has decided that he just does not want to be a part of the kids’ life and started a new family.. which is fine, eventually when I let my walls come down, The person who is meant to be a part of our lives.. will be. For now we are doing well, happy… love is huge in our home… and the kids have everything they need in me… What they don’t know is, I AM TRULY THE LUCKY ONE.. THEY SAVE MY LIFE ON A DAILY BASIS.. My kids are the truest love I have ever felt for anyone in my entire life.. Thank you Sean for knowing, and pointing out the value of a “good” mother.. It’s something that is over looked and forgotten way to often. HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO ALL MOTHERS EVERYDAY!! Love & Light ~Kristy
Though this might be of interest to some… It was a National study conducted that followed families from 1991-2007 that looked at the impact of different childcare settings on development. I’m working with the data set now, and it is very comprehensive. This link is for a summary booklet the National Institutes of Child Health and Development put out.
https://www.nichd.nih.gov/publications/pubs/documents/seccyd_06.pdf
Sorry, erring on the side of evidence-based reaction this time. I could go on and on for days about each point, but I figured it might be most helpful to simply offer a resource. It’s really a good overview and talks a lot about the different setting that children experience nowadays, and how those settings vary in support of child development. Most importantly in my opinion, it talks about areas for intervention since, as Sean pointed out, the point of noticing a problem is not the noticing itself, but the changes that are made to remedy it. Thanks, & happy reading!
–K
As a woman who can’t have children of my own, I never gave much thought to parenting skills. I knew that I spent half of my childhood thinking my parents were evil for the way they raised me and my sister. But then I got married and I took on my husband’s children from his previous marriage. They’d been raised COMPLETELY different to the way that I had..raised by their mother (who spent most of her time dumping them off on other people while she ran around with other men) and their grandmother (and ooold fashioned but somewhat wild woman bless her). They were terrors, never doing what they were told and with absolutely no respect for anyone in the family at all. I found myself suddenly filled with an indescribable amount of new appreciation for my parents. I kept wishing I could send the kids to my parents for just a month, knowing they would come back changed. And then I realized that, while I could never be my parents, I could show them some of the same parenting skills myself. It’s been an uphill battle, trying to show them parenting they’ve never had before. People kept saying the damage was done and there was nothing I could do about it, but these are the only children I will ever have and I’ve been determined to help them grow in a more nurturing, stable environment. I won’t lie.. it isn’t easy. There are days when I want to tear my hair out in frustration, but I love them with all my heart, so I keep at it. Nearly 9 years later and it’s still a struggle to raise them right, to balance out the crazy in their lives and I’m never sure if I’m doing it right. However, my daughter -now a teenager (yeah that’s right, there’s no Step in my heart) recently went to a therapist because she’s developed insomnia and afterwards we got a letter from the therapist with the results of the interview. Apparently, I’m doing it right after all. Having a professional tell me that my daughter sees me as a role model and that I’m a stabilizing aspect of her life and have helped her become a well-adjusted young woman nearly made me burst with pride. I’m not sharing this story to toot my own horn here, I’m sharing it because I’ve seen first hand how damaging poor parenting can be (these kids had SO many issues when I first met them) as well as how valuable decent parenting can be and how it can make a difference even later in their lives when people think it’s too late. It’s never too late to love and nurture your children (or someone else’s, in my case) and even though it might be a hellova battle, it’s worth it.
I am soo glad to see a post about motherhood/stay at home mom’s. Not many men acknowledge that SAHM even exist. They think that we just sit around and eat bon-bons all day. Our jobs are so worth it! Here is a break down of a SAHM(Domestic Engineer-gotta have a title for myself, right?):
1) phone operator
2) secretary
3)van driver/taxi driver
4) nurse
5) laundress
6) referee(between siblings)
7) banker/accountant
8) chef
9) Dishwasher
10) Teacher
11)maid
12) waitress
13) counselor
14)computer operator
We should be getting paid the big bucks to have all of these jobs and titles but I know that the hugs and kisses that I get from my two daughters are perfect(especially the dirty looks from my 11 year old). Even if a mom has to go back to work/college for whatever reason, just remember that you still have an important role in your children’s life…to teach them. I loved staying at home. Not too many mothers can stay at home now but if you do, you have your work cut out for you. You job does not go un-noticed.
Sean,
You’re kinda being a misogynist and sexist. Women don’t have to stay home to raise children with strong morals and ethics. It’s not about mothers staying at home. However, it is about stay at home parenting, not necessarily mothers. The decay isn’t in our mothers lack of direct parenting, but in a society that requires (in most cases) two working parents to support one family. When that happens, our children, during their formative years no less, are shipped out – sometimes to almost perfect strangers – to be raised while the parents work. There is no substitute for a parent being at home w/ their children. Many other nations in our world have realized the importance of stay at home parenting. Not to say that daycares don’t serve an important function i our society, but I don’t believe their a substitute for an at home parent.
You don’t need to be a woman to perform all the tasks you write about above. Step out of the 50’s and into the 21st century, man.
There is a lengthy chasm between misogyny and sexism, and the belief that Men and Women are simply different. I adore those differences, and wouldn’t wish to change them for all the world. Obviously fathers are important, but Maher’s point wasn’t ABOUT fathers.
Just when I thought you couldn’t possibly be ANY cooler..wow..great website, Sir!! You made my day with this..I’m a stay at home Mom w/ 3 little girls – very thankless job according to society! My girls are very thankful, though, and that’s all that matters. I agree, Bill Maher is an ass..pretty sure he knows that though. Have to say… Boondock Saints will always be my VERY favorite movie, with Goodfellas second. True a Saints TV show may be happening?..would love feedback from you… Shelley…and Thanx for making my day!!
Sean – just read “Mark’s” comment and your answer…guess it’s true you can’t fix stupid.. Shelley
Just when I thought you couldn’t get ANY cooler..great website, Sir!! I am a stay at home Mom of three little girls..misfit of society?? Always…”What do u do?” Society these days is a self-involved society. I say I raise my kids instead of a third party..just to put the Mom’s leaving the house w/ wide open mouths. Maybe I have no shame, but I started my life as a CPA making 80 grand a year at the age of 25. I could be doing anything, but my girls are thriving and my job is to make sure they thrive in life long after I’m gone. Have to say, The Boondock Saints will ALWAYS be my very favorite movie (you were brilliant) and Goodfellas a second after every other movie you made. And yeah, I’ve seen em all! I can’t watch Into the Fire unless I need to cry 🙂 BTW, Just got 12 Dogs of Christmas…my girls loved it, and boy…can you act!! Love you, never stop acting, and I am into kickboxing (3 yrs now) and wish I could get to HBJJ!! Love MMA, watch all the fights. You are definitely a man of many faces. Donut’s a doll..I have 3 dogs..I get It! -Shelley- PS: Thanx for making my day today w/ this website and thank Wendy for emailing me!
Slapping forehead…
Every year at Christmas, I contact our local family services for a family to adopt. I had the honor to speak to the Mom today. She’s asked nothing for herself or her husband…just items for their 4-children. She works full time and picks up overtime wherever available. Her husband works sporadic hours and is plagued by health problems. Her youngest son also is plagued with health problems. They’ve fallen behind on their mortgage payment and will probably loose their home next year. To make matters worse, they make too much money to qualify for public assistance.
All she wants is a nice Christmas…just one day to forget her troubles.
So do you really want to know who works harder than a stay at home Mom? Talk to a working Mom on the brink of a financial disaster.
Sean, Thanks so much for this blog entry. I am a stay at home mom of 3, ages 14 to 10. I have a MS degree in chemical engineering, so my staying home has been a biiiiiiig financial hit for us to take. I hope to someday get back to the career I trained so hard for, but from the moment my husband and I found out I was pregnant, our plan was for me to switch my focus from hazardous waste to nurturing our family. (actually…this was a plan from the moment we began to talk of marriage.) I see many of my friends who are career moms, and I sometimes wonder if I’ve done the right thing. Believe me…when I made it through engineering school and came out relatively unscathed, I was over the moon. But none of that EVER compared to the moment I found out I was going to be a Mother. It was just a “WOW!!” moment. But when I wonder whether I’ve done the right thing, I just look at my happy, well adjusted, amazing children, and I know….I KNOW I did. And what’s even more wonderful, is THEY know I did, too, and tell me quite frequently they are glad I don’t work outside our home.
I also loved what you said about parenting being a “team sport”. We used to joke a lot after we had the third child, that we went from “man to man” defense to a “zone” defense. Sometimes, we still use that technique! And, every now and again you have to pull out a full court press on them! But it IS a team effort, and I am thankful every day of my life that I have a wonderful man, husband, and true partner who has the courage to parent his children, and not sit back and view it as “women’s work” or some spectator sport. Or worse…like fantasy football. Once the “draft” is done, it’s all sitting back and watching how the “season” plays out. He loves his children with a devotion that reminds me of why I fell in love with him in the first place…and makes me love him even more with each passing day. I know that not everyone’s situation allows for this kind of nuclear family, but I cannot agree with you more that, when at all possible, it truly is the best way to raise children.
Again, thank you for reminding me of what I really shouldn’t need to be reminded of. It’s just nice to hear an “atta girl” from a voice that is outside my family…or my head!
That was very beautifully and eloquently put,I cherish the fact that I can be a stay at home Mom,Its been the best 10 yrs and counting of my life!
All I have to say is “AMEN”! Thank you!
Thank you Sean. My husband agrees with you too.
I’m a stay at home mom of an 18 years old I did not give birth to but raised from age 1, a 15, 9 and 2 year old. We have struggled and sometimes my husband has worked 2 jobs so we could get by, because I can see the difference in my kids when I work and when I stay home with them. In their behavior, and goals. I also can read their moods so much better when I am around them all the time. I feel like this is where I need to be until they don’t need me to tell what they need before they know, anymore. If that makes any sense whatsoever.
My kids don’t have many things but they also are giving, and aware of other people needs, and are willing to help other people without getting anything out of it. I don’t know any other kids like them. I don’t get tons of time for myself, but I don’t feel like I need it. I have my kids involved in different hobbies I have, so we are doing activities together.
I’m not perfect, my family isn’t perfect but we like hanging out with each other even though there is a big difference in ages. Even though we could only spend about $70 each on the kids for Christmas they were happy, and know its not just about getting, even though that sounds cheesy.
I guess I’m just saying that it has been good for my kids to experience all that we have, even these last couple bad years that we wouldn’t have if I had worked outside the home.
Seriously, God Bless and Love you, cause I do now more than I did before. Being a new mom (my munchkin is 9 months old on the 30th, which is Sunday…I can hardly believe it) I have a whole new respect for my mother and what she went through raising me. I’ve had the opportunity to work the last few months, so going home is that much more special because her face just lights right up when she sees me and no one else matters; and if she’s up all night, so am I and I still get up the next morning and go to work…it’s a bit like wash, rinse, repeat and I honestly wouldn’t change it for anything in this world, or possibly even the next. Motherhood is far from easy, but I love every minute of it. =D
Early in my marriage and motherhood employment, I was lucky to be able to stay home with my children. My husband at the time was in the Navy, and we agreed there was no point in my going to work just to pay for the daycare of two children. So, from 1994-1998, I was a stay-at-home mom. And let me tell you, it was the hardest, yet most rewarding, time of my life.
Late in the year of 1998, I had to back to work, reluctantly. I wanted nothing more than to stay home and raise two beautiful daughters. Even with working full-time and raising the children pretty much on my own (we lived in Hawaii at the time, my husband couldn’t find work, so he moved back to California ahead of us), I found a balance that worked, but it was even harder leaving my girls and going to work.
After I divorced, I was again raising my children, this time with little to no employment, on state assistance, and finding no work for the schedule I needed to be able to continue to raise my children in safety.
My 16 year old daughter made me a Christmas gift that has made the last 9 years of struggling to provide for this little family no only worth it, but made me feel like I did it right. This is just the dedication to the “booklet” she made me:
“Mom, I dedicate this to you, because without you, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. You helped me when I needed it, you guided me when I was lost, and you showed me love when I felt alone. I can’t express the gratitude I feel, nor the love, but I want you to know that there will never come a day when I will feel anything but admiration for your strength, your beauty, and your dedication.
Always Yours, Allison.”
Imagine if you can, what the rest of the “booklet” contains. It’s too much for me to post here, but just know, it made me cry with sorrow, joy, admiration, and pride, to know my daughter wrote this to me, thinks this about me, and I have done something right.
My oldest daughter, at age 18, is struggling with life outside the home, struggling with her inner demons, trying to find her way. I hope she finds herself, or at least finds her way home. I can only show her love and devotion, like I always have, and let her be her.
No one knows the true dedication, time, love, and sacrifices mothering (real mothering…not that crap where people pop out a kid and leave it laying around while they get high) requires but those of us who do it.
I am proud to be a mother.
Thanks!!! You brought tears to my eyes and a huge smile on my face!! I love my mom, she passed away., not a day goes by I don’t think of her. This brought happy tears!!! 😉
I am a very proud mom to a 3yr old autistic son. Together we take big steps!!! He’s not only learning from me but also I am learning from him! He sees things differently, sees the things we all miss and I LOVE it!!! There is no better gift than children,..(hubby comes close) but I LOVE luv <3 being a mom!!!
This is amazing! Mothers are truly unsung heroes. It’s so nice to hear a man speak up in appreciation of mommies everywhere. Love reading your blogs!!!
Sean wow really WOW!
Thank you so much. To all the single mothers posted, you are amazing as well. I was a single mom who worked two jobs but if i had a min it belonged to my son. And my best friend watched him for me so he didnt need day care. Now I am again single mother of three starting over I pray to God every day to show me how to do it all and I have lost 2 jobs in 2 months. One because my oldest who is autistic was in hospital for 2 weeks and the second was because my twin 3 year old babies got flu. SInce its just me that means I am proudly taking care of it. Thank you Sean for honoring the work of a mother cause job or no job I am up before the sun and rarely sleep before midnight. To single mothers keep this in mind please… You were given the greatest gift be a great steward of that gift. Be there and never say your sorry. The fault of the world is ours we say sorry far too much. We should never be sorry for loving our children. I had family members that said oh I am sorry you lost that job it isnt fair I am sure your up set. PROUDLY NO IAM NOT! My first JOB is to love my children and if my employer does not respect that now I am glad to find out how low they are. I must first tech my Son compassion and empathy, teach my daughter confidence and dignity and teach her twin kindness and peace. IF I FAIL THAT JOB for a dollar I will fail my children my self and my creator none of which care much for the money we dont have to have. WE do have food and a home and I continue to find new ways to make that work but never at the cost of my childrens greatest interest. Its my passion my battle and my heartache but its our JOB!! THANK you SEAN its sooo great to see someone gets how the future depends on if we LOVE THEM WELL IF we can give them what only a mother can the future depends on us doing this right and NOT being sorry for it. LOVE YOU SEAN THANK YOU!
Sean…just found your blog and read the Motherhood entry. THANK YOU very much!!!! I am a homeschool mom to my 4, not so they can get into a good college, but so that I can help them find that thing that makes them happy for the rest of their lives. It is a lot of sacrifice in today’s consumer driven society and a lot of work, but nothing will ever be more rewarding!!!! Blessings.
Thank you for this, I was a Stay at home Mom for 6 years while my husband was active duty Army, it was some of the best time with my children. My daughter is ahead in reading and writing and it gave me time to help my son who was born with hydrocephalus and deal with all his doctor appointments and surgery’s. Now that my husband is no longer in the military and is in college I have gone back to working, and some days I really miss being at home when they get off the bus from school and help with homework. But I do what I have to do to help provide for my family.
I read this when it was first posted and I remember thinking about beautiful it was. Over the weekend, I hung out with a Mom who stays at home with her two babies and seeing how overwhelmed she is, I thought about this blog again. I came back to it and pimped it out to all my stay-at-home mom FB friends so they can see just how amazing they are. Thanks for acknowledging that and I hope everyone, not just stay-at-home mommas, can read this and appreciate it for what it is. Gratitude and respect for those that don’t get it nearly enough.
I am a stay at home mom, this is beautiful. Although I agree with some of the other comments, many moms don’t choose to work, they do so out of necessity. I have crazy respect for those moms!
I have to work. I have no choice. I work to put her in a smaller private school to help me pay for college. I take her too and from choir and softball practice. So I can get a movie watched or read a book during those practice times then it is back to her and making sure she is happy and healthy. I may be sleep deprived and juggling personal goals with my kids goals it is worth it when she smiles or gets into ridiculous arguments with me over TV characters or who does a shooting powers life better or which boy band song is the best…..I feel accomplished because she is happy and has an opinion all her own.
And for those stay at home moms that get no breaks and are always in mom mode. I salute them because I am not sure if I could do that. It takes all kinds of moms to raise this next generation of bright and wonderful children.
This moved me to tears. I know that the job I am doing as a Mother is of the utmost importance, but sometimes it is just nice to hear it said. You are a wise man Sean. Thanks for sharing your insight with us.
I really wish you could tell my husband this. I work full time and raise our 2 year old I wish I could just stay home with him but with today’s economy I can’t. I love everyday with my son. I just wish my husband would respect me just a little bit for how hard I work for our family. He tells me I don’t do hardly anything, just because I don’t do the exact same things as he does. It really tears me down to be told that I’m lazy selfish and hardly a mother at all because I work all day. It wouldn’t bother me if it came from some random person but when it come from my husband it hurts the most, and I have started to believe it. I feel like I do everything for my son my entire life is devoted to him and his future. The only time I have ever spent money its for my son. My house is always clean and I manage to keep myself in pretty good shape. I don’t see where my husband gets it from. I guess I’m just a struggling mom trying to keep her head up, looking for ways to get just a little bit of respect. I don’t know, what to say to him anymore. I don’t know why I’m posting this to be honest I just feel helpless,
Well, the myself… and the future sure appreciate it!!!!
Thank you! You so get it♥
As a 20 year old who is facing the challenging tasks of being tested for Lymphoma and knowing that my chances of being a mother may be taken away this post really hits home. I have always dreamed of having a big family and taking care of them and giving them my all because that is what I lacked from my childhood. I think being an dutiful and supportive parent is THE toughest job out there. I work in an Emergency Room and I have family in the military so I do not say that lightly but I truly believe it. It’s really hard for my fiance and I right now, because we both thought we would be able to raise a family. Sean hit the nail on the head when he said that motherhood is a job that never stops. It’s not a shift that goes from 7 to 7. You can’t request a day off, or take a vacation. Once you are a mother, you are a mother for life. I hope that I will be lucky enough to take on the most challenging job there is, Motherhood.
Kaitlyn I pray good results for you tests. If not have you considered having eggs harvested and frozen for later use? I hope your able to be a mother the world needs more loving women.
Kimberly, unfortunately all of that is very expensive. I am already feeling the burden of having to pay for all of the Hodgkins Lymphoma tests and I just don’t see how I would be able to afford it. I have medical insurance but I pay 200 dollars every month out of pocket. I am still in school full time and working full time so it is tough just making ends meet right now. The medical insurance I have is very basic so most of the things I am about to go through will have to be payed for out of pocket. I started the preliminary tests and I go back next week to continue. Thank you for your well wishes. I hope that God see’s it fit for me to be able to have children, but if not there are other ways to become a mother. I have always wanted to adopt, so maybe that is the route God wants me to go down. It is also putting a lot of strain on my relationship right now, so maybe this is our test. I am going to school for medical research and I work in a laboratory as well as an emergency room. So I know the path I am heading down is going to be a tough one. I just hope that I have the strength to do it.
I agree with this, to the extent that I think it is best for children to have a parent taking care of them daily, rather than someone who is simply paid to (as wonderful as those people can be). However, I don’t think it necessarily needs to be the mother. My family dynamic happens to have worked out that my husband is a “stay at home” dad, for the most part. (he works two nights a week as a radio DJ as his “escape”). Honestly, he is the best choice to be with our daughter every day. He is so incredibly patient and kind, and the creative things he thinks to do with her blow my mind! I love when people say they can’t have one parent stay at home “in todays economy”. Um, yes you can, if you prioritize correctly. I’m sure some people are reading this and saying, well, if one parent makes a ton of money, sure, it can be done, but that’s not the case either. I have limited college (only one year, a couple classes a semester) and I work as an Office Manager, which DOES NOT pay on the higher end, to put it mildly. We just made the decision that raising our child was more important than having “stuff”. Anyway, that’s a whole other subject, my point here is to ask Sean what his opinion is on dad’s as the stay at home-primary caregiver role?
Wow. All I can say is this is probably one of my favorite things I’ve ever read. Thanks for truly getting it. Shine on, Sean! I’m a forever fan.
I am new to your blog, and catching up on past posts, so forgive the late reply. I think and believe that what you said is dead on-I was a stay at home mom for a few years, and by circumstance, I got a job. I needed to get that job to support my children. The feedback and attitude that I got from people when I was a stay at home mom was a total 180 from what type of attitude I get now that I work. I got NO respect when I was a stay at home mom. For some reason i get more respect now that I am working, almost as if they thought that I did nothing everyday when I was at home with my children. Poor souls had no idea. So thank you for your words-my future self, and the future selves of my children, thank you.
Super Mom – I did not have children til 22 yrs old but it was enough time to choose a career and get trained. I chose Realtor then real estate appraiser ($$$). I have been breast feeding in my office full of men over the years (4 children) and I can only laugh at the memories. I was granted bring the children to work but it was very hard on me. Then finally, I started by own company at home when the 4th child came. Yes, there is a husband, he co-parents cause he loves me and the girls. Now in 2014 I have decided I must get back to me. Being a good mom is selfless and as I get older, my patience is weakening. To get sleep I generally have to travel somewhere. I love the Bahamas at Atlantis the most. So trends are changing and hopefully more moms will get to work at home and raise their children. Go to eat lunch with them at school, be the home room mom, take and pick them up from school, take them to places and teach them to be functional in this culture and is so diversified. I was watching movies recently, and I got scared for what is out there especially the sexually deviant and violent portrayals and realize the evil among us. It is hard to teach them to be selective whom they reveal themselves to. My daughter is intrigued with Sean due to his character. The health food tips, teas and humor. She is 14. So HATS OFF to ya Sean, fellow irish Texan, We need your REPRESENTATION OF A GOOD MAN WHO GIVES US HIS TIME AND POSITIVE VIBE
Thank you for standing up for stay at home moms. I’ve been a mom for 15 years and only work out side of the home on occasion to help make ends meet. I gave up the dreams I had of writing to fulfill the dreams I had of being a good mom. At times I’ve wondered if I was doing a good job or doing the best I could but now that my kids are half grown I can see what kind of person they are becoming and I know I haven’t let them down. My biggest fear when I found out I was pregnant the first time was that I would some how screw my kids up. When I read this, I actually teared up a little. I couldn’t have said it better. Moms never get to leave work for the day. There are no sick days, no vacation time. But the pay is outstanding! Every hug, every I love you, every smile lets me know it was worth it.
Beautifully written as always.Working outside the home now but stayed home for many years with 3 girls .Thank you for being such a compassionate amazing thoughtful writer and man.
Beautiful.
Well wow. beautifully written. Not much to say other then that really^-^Hannah C^-^
Hello I just wanted to say I can see what you’re saying Sean, but that’s not the case with my family and never has been. I’m 17 years old, a senior in a high school with about 145 kids. I have 35 kids in my graduating class and at the moment I’m 3rd in class rank. I make As and Bs, (mostly because of math.) Have never been in trouble with the school or law, and don’t even date because at this point as far as I’m concerned the teenage male population is made up of idiots. Now I think this constitutes a fairly good moral composition, but my Mother has always worked. Even when she had my big brother who is 8 years older than me. She actually worked as a teacher, then a curriculum director, then a principal, and now she’s back at curriculum director. (That’s a story for another time.) I had a babysitter who was sometimes my Dad sometimes my grandma but most of the times my Bellia. My Dad also works, his jobs have just been a little bit more sporadic, without my Mother’s income I doubt I’d be able to say that I’ve never been homeless, and I’ve never gone hungry. Sure it was hard for me because I felt like I had to share my mother with her other students in the school, but I never questioned that she loved me, and she’s raised me to be a fairly good person. I don’t think staying at home is the only thing that makes a child have a strong moral compass, and even if it was eventually we’re going to grow up and leave the nest causing us to have to go out and make our own choices. I have friends, whose mothers stayed with them everyday, who’ve now turned to drugs and other illegal activities. I think what constitutes a good mother is someone who is there no matter what for their children, it doesn’t matter if they work or not. They teach their children constantly, and they show them how much they care in the simple things. Like today I was sitting in my room and my mother came in and practically laid on me just to try and convince me to go into town with her and my Dad. I know I’m young, and you’re probably brushing off my opinion, and I don’t blame you tons of people do it, but while I know my Mother isn’t the best mother in the world she’s still pretty great. I wouldn’t trade her or my upbringing for anything in the world. Thanks for reading, and I hope you have an awesome New Year. 🙂
Thank you, Sean for this piece.
I’m not sure if you have the time to read these messages but I just want to share my story as briefly as possible and thank you for your support.
Hearing Maher’s words literally made my blood boil and your kind words brought tears to my eyes.
My story is a LONG one and I am considering starting my own blog in the hopes that it will give other women courage, strength and a bit of an emotional boost at the same time. I come from South Africa and I was in an abusive marriage. My world was turned upside down when I lost my father and so I got on a plane for the States. In the end, I wound up in Romania of all places and found myself a lovely husband and we now have a daughter together. She will be 4 this year and it has been a fun and difficult journey but I wouldn’t change it for anything in this world!
In short, I am a stay at home mother BUT I also work from home and I juggle it all from cooking and cleaning every day to nurturing my child’s development and I have to tend to my clients as well. On top of all of this, I also help my husband with construction around the house (we are building our own house and, when I say WE, I mean we are doing all the physical work).
I don’t have any days off but I count my blessings since my child has NEVER ended up in the emergency room. She is polite and affectionate. She does not bite, kick or hit. She is well-mannered thanks to perseverance. I have never had anyone babysit for me. When I was hospitalized for an operation, my husband took time off work and cared for our child.
It’s NOT easy but it IS possible and I LOVE the fact that I get to see my daughter grow more and more each day. I see the pride in her eyes when she paints a new picture (which I then laminate and pin up on the walls). Oh and not to mention the fact that she is also learning 2 languages at the same time and I’m gradually teaching her a 3rd language. I also do NOT let her play on computers, tablets or anything like that. I prefer to let her play with crayons, puzzles and we enjoy dancing together.
In closing, being a mother is a full time job and my mother also raised 3 kids while working from home so this taught me how to juggle like there’s no tomorrow! It’s exhausting and a thankless job but mothers just need to look into their child’s eyes when they feel lost and don’t know is they are doing OK. As for Maher, I’d like to see HIM care for just 1 kid 24/7! Say goodbye to a relaxing Christmas, a party for New Year’s or anything else along those lines! No sleeping in and when your kid is sick – you DON’T SLEEP! Mister Maher – you have NO CLUE!
Thanks again, Sean for sticking up for us hardworking mothers!
x x x x
Cindy
The future’s looking up!!!
I’m one of those mother’s that has to work. I don’t have a choice. I think in this day and age it is important for both parents to be as invested in EVERY aspect of a child’s life. There is a truth however to what mother’s do that father’s do not. My father passed away 2 years ago and it still breaks my heart. He was an AMAZING man and I love him dearly; but my mother raised me and my brother both as a single mom. My parents divorced when we were young and we both stayed with our mom. (There was no love loss between my parents they cared for each other and remained friends after the divorce.) My mom was in the US Air Force and an incredible woman. We always had clean clothes, food on the table, and more love than a person would now what to do with. By the time my parents got divorced my brother and I were old enough to stay home alone (granted we were also mature for our ages) but we were never far from somebody that could help us if we needed it. My dad lived a few blocks down the street and so did my godmother. We also had a lot of friends near by. We never had a nanny or anything like that, and everything we learned about being good people we learned from our parents. As a mom I work 18 hours a day at least; but that’s because when I get home from work I have to cook, clean, and make sure that everything else is taken care of. I rely a lot on my mom still; both for what I learned from her in the past, and what she does for me now. When I’m at work she takes care of my kids. She helps them with whatever they need, and I couldn’t be more appreciative for all that she has and is doing for me. There are definitely benefits of being a stay at home mom but for those that have to both juggle a full time career and be a full time mom… It’s hard and exhausting and stressful; but I would do anything for my kids. For all the joy they have brought to my life the least I can do is burn the candle at both ends.
I’ve discovered this blog this weekend and am enjoying it quite a lot. I totally agree that we should respect the parents who choose to stay at home. However I did want to just mention that parents who work outside the home also get up at night, stay up with sick kids, teach, read, talk, play, clean and cook and everything else that anyone can think of to mention. We just work outside the home too. And dads are absolutely capable of doing all the things mentioned too, btw.
In my country, thanks to the struggle of our parents and grandparents, we get one year of paid parental leave – the mother can take it all, or the last six months can be given partly or wholly to the father. A full time job is 37 hours.
Personally my husband and I chose that he would take three months leave and I went back to work. I couldn’t be a happy person if I had to be a stay at home mom. I can’t imagine how I could be a good parent if I was not happy with my life. I love my twins and I love to spend time with them. But I also love being a vet and doing a job that makes a difference in the world. And I show my kids by example that working hard, doing your best every day and making a difference in this world is important. And my husband and I show them that a marriage is a partnership between two equal humans both of them pitching in with their will and their work. From earning a living to doing chores. Yes he vacuum and cook. So do I.
I really don’t see how me being alone in the house while they are at school would make a difference in their lives.
But even if it is not a choice I would make, I will always insist on the right of others to have that choice and be respected in it. I would never call a stay at home mom idle or any other derogatory term. Hopefully they will show me the same respect and not say or imply that I love my children less or are a bad person or mother. Because that is just as rude as that man was in the video which inspired this discussion to start with….
Pardon for any bad grammar, spelling or inadvertent rudeness implied by choice of words. I am writing in a language that is not my first.
Another great mom!
i agree with you my mom stayed home with me and my bother and sister it was better for us and her we enjoyed reading and learing about nature with her. great thougths sean.
Thank you! Your time is always the best thing you can give a kid. …and if not yours, then you’ve got to buy someone else’s to give.
Sean,
Great article and I completely agree.
Is the picture of you and your Mom?
Melissa
It is not. … Glad you enjoyed.
It is so nice to see a man who gets it! I was a stay at home mom for a few years & I heard it said all the time it’s not a real job & hated it! Mom’s are on call 24 hours a day 365 days a year. If I could do it is still be at home nurturing & raising my child. But it is not possible since I’m a single mom I’ve got to go out & work so my child has everything he needs. I think me being drawn to this story at this particular time was meant to be. Thank you for this Sean! You just reaffirmed for me what I already knew & that’s the importance of my role in my son’s life & why I’m working so hard to make sure he has everything he needs.
Oh my!! Love seeing a man talk about the truth of motherhood. I am a single mother and my kids are my life. You rock Sean!
YOU do.
This is beautifully written. I thank you for this. To Me is always said “what have you been? You have the whole day doing nothing”. But thanks to you I know that I’m worth something. I’m a single mother and proud.
Thank you… for making the world better.
Why is it that being truthful & passionate about life makes others think you are judging them?
I got to stay home with Dallas & Denver for 16 years, 5 years of that includes my youngest, Kaitlin. They are a good-hearted, smart, quick-witted & creative bunch of adults now and I am so proud of them. I had to go to work & college as a single Mom after that, I get the struggle. Just so grateful for the time we had, learning together about who we wanted to be. Stay strong brave soul, & please share your passion with the rest of us.