First of all, let me just say that winning IS everything, and those that disagree don’t actually know what the competition is.
Progress, and progress alone points to the winner, and without it, there won’t be any pointing at all.
Either get busy finding an “excuse”, or get busy finding a “way”.
This is a story about the soccer ball that changed my life… blinding determination… a belief that can bend physics… and, a certain way of life.
I was 8 years old, and sprinting down the sideline of the soccer field running after a ball that a team mate had passed to me just a little too hard when it happened. The ball was racing out of bounds and my body did something instantaneously that no stop watch, slide rule and measuring tape could match. My instincts immediately and accurately calculated that the ball would cross the side line and out of bounds a good two seconds before I could reach it. So, I slowed down.
Most people think that there are two possible results for every endeavor: success and failure. They are wrong. There are three, but only one that you should fear. My Dad taught me that you can learn from both success AND failure… but that QUITTING will affect your life far more than either of the others.
At halftime, my dad walked up to me, and I saw the absolute worst thing that you can see in a parents eyes: disappointment. He told me that he never wanted to see me quit again. He told me to chase every ball out of bounds with the true belief that I could keep it in-bounds. He said “even if your eyes are telling you that you won’t make it, you keep sprinting, because at the very least it will tell everyone on the other team that even in the face of certain defeat, YOU will keep going. And they will know in their heart that they cannot defeat that level of determination. And at the very MOST, you’ll find that that level of determination can bend physics, and you’ll eventually catch that ball”. I really had no idea what he was talking about, but I new I would sprint for every single ball just to avoid his disappointment.
You can spend your life checking things OFF your impossible list, or you can spend it adding things ON.
Here is one of life’s absolutes: To get something you’ve never had, you’ve got to be willing to do something you’ve never done.
From that day on I never let anyone see me give up on going after a ball headed out of bounds. In game after game I chased every wild ball with a level of focus and intent that I previously couldn’t match. Then one day, in a game against Westbury, Marc Pevoto passed a ball to me, that by my calculations would go out of bounds about three seconds before I could reach it. The only problem was that I ended up missing it by only a millisecond. It was at this point that I started believing that I could catch these balls. Now I’m the last person alive to believe in any hocus-pokery, but this much I do know… the balls started to slow down. I don’t know if they coincidentally started finding a certain patch of grass that held them up just enough, but I started catching the balls after my instinctual calculations deemed it impossible.
It was on the first day I caught the ball that my internal calculator underwent a correction. It had to re-calibrate. Because, of all the criteria that it used to instantly determine success or failure, one crucial thing changed: my belief. You see, up until that first day that I saw my dad’s disappointment, my body was inputting my lack of belief in the equation. Yes, belief can make a liar of your eyes. But don’t worry, your eyes will catch up. The goal post will move. What was impossible yesterday, but became possible today, will seem normal tomorrow. Then, there will be a NEW impossibility in your life that will eventually fall under the constant bludgeoning of a certain determination. And once your impossibilities start to fall with practiced regularity, then space and time will contort… and the noise of life will be brought into a manageable volume. This is when physics will bend, and it will bend to your will.
The first step is “self-belief”.
Getting your hand raised only makes you a winner in one aspect of life. What REALLY counts is what you do after the crowd goes home.
DESPITE WHAT THE “NEW AGE” HAS TOLD YOU, EVERYONE IS NOT A WINNER.
The difference between winning and losing is one’s ability to negotiate so eloquently with the body that it will agree to keep going when all the science and evidence in the world says that continuing on is not only an impossibility, but also an exercise in futility. And, when you keep going even in the presence of certain defeat, suddenly probabilities recalibrate, and things become possible that you never DREAMED were possible.
So, are you still one of those “winning isn’t everything” people?? Then I still haven’t shown you what the competition is.
So, what is the competition? Well, I like to put it this way. A loser can cross the finish line first, and a winner can crash on the opening lap. The winning I’m talking about has nothing to do with getting your hand raised, or trophies, or medals. It’s about a far bigger reward. Because the biggest reward isn’t what you get for putting in all the hard work, it’s what all the hard work makes you become. This is winning, and yes… it is everything.
Good night, God bless, and SHINE… until tomorrow.
-Sean Patrick Flanery
love this motivational story. I am going to share with my daughter as a reminder that she is a winner.
Thanks Sean.
Sean,
As usual this is amazing. You make me tale account for myself everyday and choose not the easiest path but the path that is going to give me the greatest reward in life. This particular blog allowed me to realize once again there was a time that I pushed past my lying eyes and became everything everyday day that I wanted to be.
Now I just need to get fully back there again….but I am trying harder and harder everyday.
~Chelsea
I am one of the lucky parents Ally is a huge sports kid but her love is soccer. She plays every summer and indoor in the fall. I have never had to tell her to try her best she slaways does! Whether she is sick or hurt or tired she give 110%. I was never into sport as a child so seeing the glow on her face and her determination was fascinating for me and when coaches from other teams told me how great she was I was so proud! Ally’s issue is not winning and trying its accepting defeat she is so angry when she misses a goal or kicks and hits air etc. I’ve tried to tell her that you can’t be the best all the time that there is always someone better out there and that instead of being angry she should use it as a lesson to see how to improve she really gets upset and I’m never sure how to make it better 🙁
Breesie xx
Your father is a very wise man.
I want to say that this matches my philosophy exactly. I agree with you one hundred percent. Now I want to say that I really, really needed to hear this TONIGHT. I have been running my fastest. I have been pushing myself farther. But I keep missing those damn balls. And you know what, Sean? I’m exhausted. It is really hard being so close – all the time – but missing. So I’m owning this right now. I’m tired and I’m frustrated. But. But! I’m NOT going to stop. I have never quit yet and I never intend to. I like the person these obstacles have made me. I don’t regret any of this fatigue or pain (though I still feel it acutely). And to be honest, today was particularly rough. So you know what I’m going to do, Sean? I’m going to raise the bar. I’m going to pick a new goal line that’s a little farther. I won’t slow down. Promise. All things are possible. And someday I will shake your hand and thank you in person.
Good for you, Carissa!
Thank you Jonah! Saw your post too. AWESOME! Who’s the #Badass now? (Answer: Both of us). ~Corissa xx
Good for you,Carissa!!!
Aw shuck, thanks Lisa! I appreciate the feedback like that. It helps. A lot. xx
That is awesome!
Well thanks for that! xx
Good for you 🙂 It’s so inpiring to hear that!!! you’re a doing an excellent work!!!
Thank you for say that! I’ll take every drop of encouragement I get. xx
I think this is my favorite blog so far. “It’s what all the hard work makes you become.” My favorite SPF quote to date!
So proud of you for posting this blog in-particular. Here’s why: Like you said, everybody says “Everyone’s a winner.” They’re always trying to make people feel better about losing. If it was me, I would want somebody like YOU telling me whether I’m a winner or not because every other bullshitter on the planet doesn’t seem to understand it as well as you do. Thank you:)
P.S. Sorry for the profanity.
It’s not how many times you fall, but how many times you get up.
Sean, good words, but people need to be wary of poisonous acquaintances. The most self-determined soul can become sick and weak if they’re surrounded by the wrong people feeding their spirit the wrong things.
I fell prey to one of those poisonous people and it took several years to free myself from the defeatist, negative attitude that hung over him like a thick, black cloud.
Dont let other people feed you lies about yourself!
Getting out of that open grave freed me up to believe and be hopeful about where I’m going. I’m pushing on, in spite of all I’ve been through in the last couple of years and I WILL make it to the finish line. Guaranteed.
Keep going cause life gets better once you’re away from negative people. I was surrounded by them and their mindgames and negativity got to me so much, I put myself in the hospital. After that, my number was changed, I moved, and it’s been uphill since. I’m glad to see someone else had the strength to push certain people away <3
Thanks, Marie. It’s like treading water. You’re ok, until you get around somebody who’s drowning, themselves. They grab on to you and then you’re both drowning.
OR, as my pastor once explained, it’s a lot easier for someone to pull you down than it is for you to pull them up, especially if they’re working against you!
I had a guy attach himself to my life and every moment seemed like one crisis after another. He wasnt happy with anything in his life and it was as if the idea of anybody around him being happy or moving forward was painful to him, so he actively sought to bring people down. The mental/emotional abuse was SO oppressive that finally getting untangled from him was like taking my first breath of free air!
He was toxic, on his best days. On his worst days, it was like bleeding out from a thousand little cuts.
How pointless is a life spent fearing others’ happiness and possible success.
Trust me, I know. I’m the only ‘normie’ in a family of drug addicts. I’ve spent my entire life being taken advantage of, used, manipulated, etc. When I turned 18, I moved out and worked my way up to being a healthier person. If someone hurts me, they’re out, no matter how hard it is, because I know no matter how much it hurts, I’ll be okay in the long run. My current issue is my dad. Doing the whole tough live thing on one of the few people who actually took care of me is hard, but I don’t have a choice. No matter who the person is, even a parent or the love of your life, if they can’t live their life without destroying yours, you have no choice but to distance yourself. It’s hard not feeling like you’re being selfish when you walk away from someone who is miserable, but you can’t fix someone who refuses to fix themselves. Keep fighting, you’re going to come out of this a stronger person <3
Thanks for your replies Marie & Susan to Sean’s blog. I’m trying to save my husband who I love (but don’t like right now) from addiction while taking care of my ill mom. My mom can’t help herself but he can. I have been surrounded with negative for awhile now & lost my happy self. Do believe your state of mind means everything in life & pray I make all the right decisons..help who I can & then myself. I wrote down some of the things you girls said in the notebook I carry with me. It has quotes, my feelings & Sean’s wisdom..it helps. I have lots of work to do on myself too but feel positive is the first step. Thanks to you girls & Sean for the positive 🙂
no matter what my out come is no matter how poor, i am feeling, i know i can rise above this, my world my life my family, i never quit someone once said to me, dream big God is bigger, i dear to dream big, i know the best is yet to come, i know life can get tough, but i know im in God hands, i live to life, as warrior for Christ, both my mother and father are fighting sickness, I know with all things Faith is everything, I trust God in my life and it help me gain insight in never quieting never to give up on my life, to dream big, God bigger, that no matter how far i m, in my own, i am never a lone.
So proud of you for posting this blog in-particular. Here’s why: Like you said, everybody says “Everyone’s a winner.” They’re always trying to make people feel better about losing. If it was me, I would want somebody like YOU telling me whether I’m a winner or not because every other bullshitter on the planet doesn’t seem to understand it as well as you do. Thank you:)
P.S. Your Dad sounds like an awesome dude. My Dad isn’t really there for me any more but I’m not going to sit here and feel sorry for myself because I’m happy for everyone who does have a loving Father. And, apologies for the profanity. x
Absolute truth right there! You said it well! You’re father is a very wise man! Thank you for blessing us with another motivational story that goes beyond the words written here! You are a Godsend to the world Sean Patrick Flanery…God Bless You!!!
meant to say YOUR father.
WoW!!! Thank you, Sean! That was precisely what I needed to hear! I’ve been contemplating stepping out and leaving my teaching career next year to pursue my dream, my passion, and dive headfirst into life as a full-time artist and photographer. It’s scary to think of the “unknown”…but like you said, “to get something you’ve never had, you’ve got to be willing to do something you’ve never done”. Of course, this transition will be done with preparation and planning..but the outcome will be determined by how much I put into it! Did I tell ya how much I appreciate ya!!? Thank you for the firm kick in the bootie and unyielding motivation! xo
Work it, Sistah!!
you know dis…WhOoT WhOoT!! I’m so excited about taking life by the balls…and I plan to squeeze..hard (I’m I allowed to say that here!?) …
Squeeze… kick… run through a blender. It’s all good, Sis! Just do it up right! Show it who’s boss!
your words remind me of a story that was on my cousin Mark’s wall years and years ago. I would always read it over and over. Mark’s father, my uncle and Godfather John, was Mark’s baseball coach. My uncle was a beautiful man. Mark mentioned this story in his father’s eulogy in June. I know you know it. It’s beautiful…TRUTH.
WHAT DOES A FATHER SAY TO HIS
SON BEFORE HIS FIRST GAME?
This is your first game, son. I hope you win. I hope you win for your
sake not mine. Because winning’s nice. It’s a good feeling. Like the whole
world is yours. But it passes, this feeling. And what lasts is what you’ve
learned.
And what you learn is life. That’s what sports is all about. Life. The
whole thing is played in an afternoon. The happiness of life. The miseries.
The joys. The heartbreaks/
There’s no telling what’ll turn up. There’s no telling whether they’ll
toss you out in the first five minutes or whether you’ll stay for the long haul.
There’s no telling how you’ll do. You might be a hero or you might be
absolutely nothing. There’s just no telling. Too much depends on chance. On
how the ball bounces.
I’m not talking about the game, son. I’m talking about life. But it’s life
that the game’s all about. Just as I said.
Because every game is life. And life is a game. A serious one. Dead
serious.
But that’s what you do with serious things. You do your best. You take
what comes. You take what comes and you run with it.
Winning is fun. Sure. But winning is not the point. Wanting to win is
the point. Not giving up is the point. Never being satisfied with what you’ve
done is the point. Never letting up is the point. Never letting anyone down is
the point. Play to win. Sure. But lose like a champion. Because it’s not
winning that counts. What counts is trying.
Beautiful:)
EVERYONE should hear something like this at some point in their life. Hearing it from someone who loves them? Priceless. 🙂 Thank you for sharing that, Anne.
You know, Sean, you can motivate and inspire anyone. I can honestly say i’ve never looked at winning in that way, but you put it perfectly. Now when things seem impossible I can just remember what you said ” it’s what all the hard work makes you become “and I don’t think that I’ll ever think of just winning the same way again. You’re amazingly awesome, thank you!
“A mans reach should exceed his grasp. Else what’s a heaven for?” – Robert Browning 1850.
Your blog and this quote mean the same thing to me. KEEP GOING. You might never “grasp” whatever you are after but you will never know until you reach for it.
Sean, Once again you have managed to inspire me. It seems like everytime something seems impossible you show up with your encouraging words, and it makes me want to work harder to reach my goals. Thank you for inspiring me.
“Because the biggest reward isn’t what you get for putting in all the hard work, it’s what all the hard work makes you become.”
I am going to print this and stick it on everything I own.
This is what I needed in my life right now. I reached a point where I felt like all I could do was slow down because everything was out of my reach, or so I thought. I am currently a senior in high school and everyday I would have panic attacks about what I needed to do in my life to prepare for my future. My grades started to drop, I missed scholarship deadlines and I even doubted I would be accepted into my dream college. I felt like I couldn’t achieve anything so why was I going to try? I got into my dream college but I still felt like I couldn’t control my life but then it hit me, my ball wasn’t going to roll towards me I had to chase after it as fast as I could. My grades are now near perfect and I’ve applied to two scholarships that will total over $10,000 towards my education come next fall plus I’m in the process of searching for more. I will be attending Marymount Manhattan next fall and I will chase my ball even if its already out of bounds to make sure my dream to be a film maker will come true. Thank you Sean for this.
I know exactly what you are talking about!!! About 15 years ago, I was in college and taking a World History class. One day, close to finals, a teaching assistant told me that my grades were so bad that I didn’t need to worry about taking the final exam. So on final exam day I didn’t show up. When I got my report card it turned out that I had gotten a ‘D’ in the class. A ‘D’!!!!! I was expecting since ‘my grades were so bad’ that my class grade would have been a ‘F’. If I had just studied hard and gave it my best I might have been able to get a class grade of a ‘C’. At first, I kicked myself and couldn’t believe how bad I messed up. I did learn a very valuable lesson that I have lived by ever since. (and a note, yes I should have studied harder to begin with so I wasn’t in that situation but I almost think I needed to go through it so I would learn a more powerful lesson than school itself could have taught me.)
Wow F’n Wow. Ever get one of those elastic moments when you feel maybe, just maybe your higher power led you somewhere? LIke you needed to hear something? How self sabotage and the shitty committee can go hand in hand and the importance in “bending physics” or the preconceptions of a perceived reality. The proudest moments of my life have been when I’ve done exactly that. I’ll be back. Thanks Sean. BTW You’re quite the wordsmith, didn’t expect that funny man.
Wow Sean. Today was a really really bad day for me. Lets just say my soccer ball went out of bounds and rolled past the sidelines, into the parking lot and i just stood still watching it roll away. Didnt even bother chasing it. That’s the kind of day it was. I was actually planning to post my progress to you today to report that although I’ve been doing just ok (only lost 5lbs so far) today I hated myself. That was what I was literally coming in here to say. That I just hated myself for failing so miserably today. And then I read this. You did for me, just now, what your amazing dad did for you that day. I kept telling myself that today was over and that I would start anew tomorrow but I barely believed myself. I was making a half assed promise to myself, I knew that I wasnt really going to start over and get back on track cause anytime I fail (and trust me there have been many times) i end up hating myself and punishing myself. (Jeez I am sure I am depressing you guys so let me get on with it). I made a resolution to not do that anymore and to take care of myself and i know I just can’t do this alone because my brain has never been strong enough to do it on my own. But your words….they are what’s going to help me DO THIS. I thank you from the bottom of my heart Sean. Now where the hell is that soccer ball!
So, this may not be quite the same, but I had an experience the other day which this reminded me of. At the beginning of the year I started my new life, with my goal of losing 100 lbs in a year, and it’s been going well so far, although there have been a few bumps here and there. But I still felt like I wasn’t doing well enough. I wasn’t as good as the friends I worked out with, I couldn’t lift as much, couldn’t recover from an intense workout as quickly, and I felt like it was getting worse.
We were most of the way through one workout when we got to the planks (my least favorite, by far). I was sweating and shaking and didn’t even try to do the regular ones, I just dropped to my knees right off the bat. And my friend (and brother and comrade and mentor) looked over at me and started yelling. “Get up, I know you can. Same as me. Do it.” I could see the challenge in his eyes, and the potential disappointment. And I had this moment of panic, thinking there’s no way I can. He’s a trained martial artist, he’s bigger than me, stronger than me, in better shape…I can’t keep up with him.
And then I thought “Well, why the fuck not? Who says I can’t?”
And I held with him the last ten minutes of the workout, step for step, movement for movement. Just as good as him. I pushed myself to a place I didn’t know existed, and I realized that was the real challenge, and the real reward. Ten minutes of a workout might not seem like a huge accomplishment, but it was the most amazing moment since I decided to turn my life around. And I’ve been trying to raise my own expectations of myself since. This post has only solidified the fact that I need to keep trying, and that I’ve made the choice to win. I can do this, and I’m going to kick life in the balls every single day. Thank to you, Sean, and all the supportive people on here.
Jonah, trying makes us doers. And doing? Well that makes us winners. I’m glad you kept up. Your story left me with a smile & a tear at the same time. I’ve been told all my life “winning isn’t everything” becuase I’ve never been co-ordinated or athletic. If there’s a flat surface, I’ll trip. But you know what? Lately I’ve been doing the same as you, keeping on trying. And I’m discovering that yes, I’m clumsy but hey, I get back up & I get on the damn bike & I keep going. I’m learning to push through that “stop” or “pain” barrier to the other side and it is FREAKING EUPHORIC! We’re nearly on a par with weight loss but I wager you get there 1st. And you know I’m okay with that too. I wish you so muck luck.
Jacqui, I think we can both do this! And I’ll take your words as a challenge 🙂 Perhaps we can keep each other honest and committed to our goals on this adventure, and I wish you luck as well. @JonahMaybe
I have to say that at first, I didn’t agree with what you were saying. Glad you put in that last part. As usual, very well written, and wonderful advice. 🙂
Your blog could not come at a better time. I was moments away from finishing my workout, and feeling a bit down as I’ve been sick and hadn’t worked out in 4 days. From the 2nd of January to the 16th of January I had worked out 14 days. So I’m going to kick things up a notch. I decided to workout twice a day for the next week to get myself back on track. I work out for 30 minutes in the morning before going to work, and an additional 30 minutes when I get home.I also walked 2 miles home today in the freezing Chicago winter air.I did it in less than 20 minutes, cold air is a great motivator. Each day is getting easier and I feel GREAT. The weight is coming off slowly, as my body fat goes down, my muscle mass is going up. Thanks for all you do, you’re the BEST.
you are very inspiring, You may help motivate me to try to do something I have never done before and become a better person while I’m at it
Winning is good.sometimes you don’t always come out on top, but at least you tried. That is a good thing too. My dad dis not always support me, so I always wanted to prove him wrong and I dodge. Determination. I still love him.
Thank you.
I am printing out this blog and will be sending it to both my sons in the morning. One is away at college, one is in the Army. I will also try to explain what it means to my 5 year old daughter. Everything you said is so true!
I can see your point as it pertains to so many aspects of life.
I believe I am a postive person in my actions and in my way of thinking but…I have found myself with negative thoughts regarding one thing or another lately (everything from my career, my continuing education, missing my sons, a knee injury halting my training for a 10k/half marathon….etc.) I knew I was doing it but looked past those thoughts and feelings until I was reading this blog. No more ignoring the negativity invading my mind. You’ve helped me to face it head on and to realize I need to change it before it takes over.
My take on your blog may not be what you had in mind when you wrote it but this is what I got out of your story and your words.
Thank you Sean. You’ve had my love and respect for twenty something years but now you also have my gratitude. <3<3
I needed to hear every word of this. You put things in a new perspective for me, Sean. You have provided not only solid advice, but a new mindset. Thank you.
I really like this blog. Quitting is not an option for me anymore. I lost 6 lbs last week and a total of 23 lbs since November. I’m nowhere near the finish line but at least I’m moving in the right direction.
Just want to say thanks for posting these awesome blogs. It means a lot to have someone care and that everyone on here is like a family. I signed up for the Biggest Loser contest at work to get in shape. I will admit I was hesitant but signed up with friends and we are all there for each other which is nice. It is working woohoooo!!!!!! I started eating healthier and I must admit feel better for doing so, not saying I won’t treat myself in the future (just not over-indulging). Thanks again and looking forward to reading future inspirations from you. Take care and good night.
Hey Mr. Flanery, thanks again for your words of wisdom. This post in particular is a reminder as to why I’m working two jobs and going to school. I may not be the best, and there are days when I’m so friggin’ tired I just want to quit everything and curl up and cry, but I have a goal and no matter what I’m not going to” let the ball roll out of bounds”. I’m not going to quit because I owe it to myself to be the best that I can.
Can you read my mind? I’m currently writing my first couple of exams and I’m a bit of a struggler, never really a winner, never really a loser. Because of all my little problems I never tend to be as good as the others without those problems, which is just logical. And I’m fighting really hard, but no matter how hard I fight or fought, I still would never be the first to cross that winning line. And I thought, since I would never be as good as the others right now although I might have the abilitity to be better, that that would automatically make me a loser and fuck the effort and fight I put in that. Like, you’re not the first and you’re a loser and that’s it. But thank you for opening my eyes there! Such an inspiring story, and such a great metaphor or however you may call it. Thank you so much. You are -such- an inspiring man. And you made me cry with your inspirational words. So thank you once again, Sean. You don’t even know that I exist, and sadly I won’t ever be able to meet you in person, but I do want to tell you that you are currently -really- helping me sort my life out and get through university. Lots of love from Germany, and never ever stop, you amazing human being!
Just when I want to give up, there you are… Thank you! My goal is to lose 100 pounds by Dec. 27th, 2014 (My birthday) and I’m down 20 but it’s been a ROUGH week. Those 100 pounds were feeling like that seemingly unreachable soccer ball a few minutes ago but now…I’m gonna keep on, keeping on. Again, THANK YOU! It was just what I needed.
Winners never quit & quitters never win…..well Sean, you certainly turned that one on its ear, didn’t you? “Winners do quit…they quit doing the things that made them lose.” I love the play on words mainly because it’s the honest to God truth.
We all have failures in our lives as well as successes. And yes folks, Sean has had his fair share of both—he’s a normal man and he was a normal kid, too. I myself have failed plenty, and I’ve succeeded plenty as well. But what I regret the most are not my failures. No, I most regret the times I quit on something, mostly on myself, or the times I failed to “give it my all.” What a complete waste. If you can’t do something to your best ability, to the greatest extent possible, why do it at all? You’re only cheating yourself.
So I learned. And I regrouped & continued on, no whining, no crying, and ultimately no quitting. I re-calibrated my mind & I grew. I became a far better person than I was before.
I believe your eyes will lie to you, they will tell your mind that something cannot be done & your body will follow suit & make it so. But belief can move mountains & once it’s imbedded in the brain, God help the person who stands in that person’s way.
I’m a very black and white kind of person. I don’t deal with the in-between very well. Put up or shut up. Kind of harsh for some people but I don’t believe in belly-aching or the “poor poor me” philosophy. If you want something badly enough, you’ll do it. You will make it so. You will believe. Just get over yourself & get on with it.
Unfortunately, I think there are some people that won’t understand your message, Sean. Or maybe they’ll just plain resist it. My hope is that they re-read this blog & see what you see. And then they re-calibrate their thinking. You certainly have helped me with my own re-calibration on many occasions & in more ways than you could possibly ever realize.
Your dad taught you well. Obviously. Each child should be that blessed to have a parent provide such guidance. And your children are certainly blessed to have you as their daddy.
I really love your blogs, Sean. Always heart-felt, profound and I swear, they speak directly to me. Okay, I know they really don’t, but they sure feel like it. So thanks for that.
As always……God bless and Shine….Until Tomorrow, my friend.
I hope you are writing a book. Thank you SPF.
I’ve already won.
aaaa, I think I understand the winning and this whole thing now
this is beautiful
Thank you Sean.
I look forward to telling you about who I have become due to my hard work.
I’m happy to say that since I started my journey of becoming a Victor a week ago, I’ve lost 2kg’s, I start Krav Maga next month, am accountable to two friends that are keeping me on track, and am quite enjoying the challenge of fully becoming the person I’m meant to be.
Bless you for doing a Blog like this. I can see its helping many people along their journey’s in life. Your motivation & encouragement has really made an impact on my life.
Hi Sean, I wanna thank you so much for that wonderful words. They help me in my current situation so much. I haven´t see my man in 5 months now because of his businesstrip, and we miss each other like crazy, But I know if we give up now, than we will loose all we have and all we fought for! I love you for that inspiration S.P.F!
You continue to inspire, SPF.
“What was impossible yesterday, but became possible today, will seem normal tomorrow. Then, there will be a NEW impossibility in your life that will eventually fall under the constant bludgeoning of a certain determination.”
This is so true, it actually boggles my mind. The way that you put these truths into words is so amazing to me. I adore you, Sean!!
~Sarah
Shiny post Sean! I can say that in many areas of my life I am a winner, and in the rest, I am learning what winning is Thank you =)
This is an amazing realization..As a competitive swimmer, I always thought that there was success or ultimately failure.After reading your blog however, I now know that my mentality was what brought me the failure in the first place. At the age of 7 when I started my swimming career, I was constantly improving and loving every minute of practice.At around age 12-15 my training doubled and it was at that moment when I started to diminish. I had no social life. Why might you ask? Because as a young teen I trained everyday plus double day 5am practices . At that point.I reached my ‘peak’ performance wise and had acquired tendonitis on both of my rotator cuffs after a tedious training camp in Hawaii. At age 17 I officially ended my career and moved on to play water polo. I am now a freshman in college and I have recently decided to get back and swim again. I am now doing 3 sports at once while maintaining a solid GPA in college. Thanks to you , I have learned NOT TO GIVE UP. Those years of pain and failure have made me the strong athlete I am today:) I never fully realized that up until I read your blog so again THANK YOU!! to all you other awesome people reading this, NEVER GIVE UP ON SOMETHING THAT BRINGS YOU FAILURE! Get back up and try it again!
I was laying in my bed thinking about how I feel so very unmotivated to change any of my habits. How I felt like I was letting my daughter down and myself down by not working on my New Year New Goal. Then I read this & I was reminded that yes I can do this & do this I shall! Thank you Sean!
It’s crazy how success stories like these can come across your way when you need them the most. I was having such a shitty day after something didn’t go exactly like I wanted it to yesterday, I was so ready to give up on it, and now all I can think about is how I’ll try again today, and, if I fail, I’ll keep trying tomorrow, and the next day. Thank you.
Sean, this is one of my favorites. I believe I had Krista (my daughter) read this the last time, and I will again. And, yes, my mind has negotiated many a day with my body to keep running when my body was screaming for me to stop. And, I’m always glad that I don’t stop. It’s not an exercise in futility.
Applying this to all aspects of my life as a Christ follower, wife, mom, RN, caregiver to my mom, and friend. Still and always growing and “becoming”. God bless you, Sean!
Love in Christ,
Diane
Thank you again for hitting the nail on the head! I was never an athlete because I was a very sick child. But I always knew internally I had to push past the breaking point. When Doctors had no hope for me even at 12 I knew that what I carried with me was greater power then their words. I always knew that some how I would push past the limit and defy logic. And through Grace of God I did. As an adult I easily forgot that. Living one day at a time with 3 children single mother because my ex husbands PTSD just became to dangerous for us. For every step forward there seems to be a wall no matter how hard I try. But thank you for reminding me of what i knew so long ago that its not the battle but the ability to continue the fight, its seeing the goal that I dont just want but know I must obtain and not seeing it as unreachable but seeing it as totally possible not even possible but probable. That drive I had at 12 to laugh at a doctor and say no I wont die you will see, has to be the same vision now. NO I wont fail I will be able to be here for my children I will find a way to make income that does not make me choose between them and a job I will have a home and safety for my children and all the nay sayers all the doubters all the negative people that want to see me fail will only see me defy the odds yet again. I Print your words Sean and put them on my mission wall to remind me every day of the fact that I was born to push 5 miles beyond the point of failure so I could win with an outstanding victory.
Dear Sean!! like i always say when i read your blogs, WOW!!!! love the words of wisdom and all the life experiencies you share with us!. This time is no different, amazing!!!!. For me, may be because i’m a girl, i don’t know, my family always wanted me not to try so hard, that it is ok to quit and “stay in the couch”, they didn’t aprove when i said THIS IS IT, I’M DONE. It sure was and sometimes still is a war; they use the silence treatment when i decided to lose weight or when i study too much or when i go for a run, to put an image, like gone by the wind kind of drama. I’m not that way at all (or may be i don’t want ro be like that), so it’s been like swimming against the flow, so tiring sometimes, but i always try to push myself the extra mile (specially when everyone tells me otherwise), when i can feel the laziness aproching i put it aside and fight it with all my heart.
I know for sure that when you give up before even trying, you already lose the battle. Sometimes the odds are not going to be in your favor but it’s always nice to know that you did everithing within your power to “get the ball”. Believing in ourselves can make the difference. Thank you again for sharing your point of view in life, so inspiring when the current is too strong to swim ;), and thank you for allowing us to share our stories with you. Much love 🙂
“Seeing is believing and believing is seeing.” I’ve seen that same look in my parents eyes and I have also seem the look of actually being a “winner” not by winning an object of any kind, but by winning a certain piece of myself that I didn’t know I had before.
One thing my gramma always told me: ‘One small failure can lead to the biggest victory” I wasn’t ever a ‘sporty’ person growing up, Im still not. But in everything else, failure never felt like failure, it felt like I learned from it, and knew not to repeat that same mistake. And I never make the same mistake twice. So in fact I do succeed.
Failure is giving up when you haven’t tried hard enough to fail in the first place. Because then your destined to repeat the same mistake over and over again without learning from it.
I have to say thank you, Sean. I quit everything I would start. Always making excuses why I had to stop. Right now I work at a place I don’t particularly like, but I refuse to give up. Why? Because I don’t like the way I get treated my some people or it is a challenging job? I am a survivor. I wish I could get that word tattooed on me. I stopped doing drugs which was a huge challenge. I won. I won’t give up on my life….ever. I will shine on for now…..
“for now”? No… Until tomorrow.
Thank you,Sean, I really needed to hear this story. I’ve been in a rut lately of self-doubt, hearing myself say & thinking “I can’t” or “there’s no way”, a lot of “it’s just not possible”. I’ve recently moved out of state & I’m having a hard time finding a job, meeting new people, getting my 6yr old son settled, & I’ve stalled on my weight loss. I know a lot (well, the majority its) due to my attitude, thinking negatively and blaming everything on moving (my escape goat) and I am in a depressive state as well. But after reading your very wise words, I am now motivate more than ever to regain control over my life, make the necessary changes (physical & most importantly, emotionally) to change. I’m setting goals, my proverbial soccer balls, that I will run full speed ahead and not ever give up on until I kick them with all of my might. Thank you, Sean, for giving me the tools, the motivation, to regain control over my life. I ask also reading this to my little guy, Cooper, son as he comes home to school. Your wise words, and your wise father’s lesson, definitely helped me and my son in taking back the reins, getting control in our lives restored. We will be winners, I now will picture my goals as that soccer ball, and I promise you I will kick that ball with all my might. Thank you so much for you eloquent wise words that never fails to put me back into perspective. Your father not only taught you this wonderful lesson, but also all of us, God bless him! And God bless you, Sean, I’m so glad he brought you into my life to help me kick life right between the legs with all my might. You are just an amazing gift, I cannot thank you enough.
The only ideas that will work for you, are the ones you put to work
I so love your blogs. They always seem to find me when I most need the pick me up. I know, I should be determined enough to have my own get up and go, but sometimes hearing/reading an uplifting point of view from someone else helps to raise the deflated morale that sometimes can occur. It makes me sad that in our society people feel the need to have every child a winner. Not every team does the best, not every student is outstanding, and yet some parents believe that it is hurtful to allow any child to feel like they are not number one. I love how you mention that it isn’t about acknowledgement or coming in 1st, but the hard work that goes into getting somewhere. Now if I can just muster the determination to take the bull by the horns and surpass my own obstacles, I can count another victory out of many that I have had in my life! Thank you again for your wonderful insight.
Your words really got to me. I won’t lie, I have a serious case of doubting myself and what I can do and every time I screw up I go home. I remember I was in JROTC and was on the orienteering team (that’s where you learn to read a map and run to find markers around wooded areas and such. You get medals for the fastest times.) I knew I wasn’t the fastest, but that didn’t stop me from wanting to try. This one time though I remember I was doing great. I was in the lead finding all the markers with such ease until I got lost. I wasn’t sure where to go next and I accidently strayed from the designated area by making the huge mistake of following someone else (which you’re not supposed to do) and I had to trace my steps all the way back to where I was and continue from there. I wasted so much time and fell behind everyone else and that got to me. I thought there was no way I could win. The rest of the way I walked. I was angry at myself for making such a mistake because I could’ve gotten a medal, my first medal. After I was done I was even angrier because I let the disappointment slow me down. If I had kept going I probably could’ve gotten a medal…but I didn’t. I may not have won literally, but I feel like I won some knowledge and learned a big lesson just like you are saying here. I keep that day as a reminder to not quit and to never slow down because I don’t know what I could have accomplished if I didn’t try.
Let´s back up to the part with a father with dissapointment in his eyes and say he didn´t encourage his son to do things he never thought were possible in just beliving in himself. Let´s say that he kicked him back to the ground, kneeled over, grabs his sons hair with the left hand and points up to him with his right finger and says “You have weakened the reputation of our family, you suck, I hate you, I have no son” and then drives home without the son. Thats when people like Hitler and Stalin emerges, just because they didn´t get the “I know you can do this, beacuse I love you and I belive in you, but you have to do it by yourself”. Maybe their parents had bad parents too, so it goes on and on. That´s why it´s important to feel love, not hatred for people you hate, to see the kid beign left behind by his parents.
Nor should you give the kid “This sucks don´t it, you can´t do it, you never can, let´s get home and have some ice cream”. That´s when you steal the opportunity to grow as a child and work hard for the things you need to work on on that age, instead you are destined to do it another time later in life when work, family and providing becomes mandatory.
That´s why my understanding of “Shine, until tommorow” is to do the goals that lies before us right now and have the strenght to feel you´ve have done it without holding someones else hand and to do it now and not feel like it´s nothing and leave it, because it´s does matter, things like that come again later in life, like a nightmare beacuse you did not do it back then.
That´s why it is important to do the things that harden your soul and things that needs to be done today, right away, so that you can shine and feel that it is done and that YOU have done it YOURSELF. Then, the next day you have the opportunity to shine again and complete your goals as long as you remember to do them and remember that little you did it.
I believe you ‘get it”.
Wow, what an incredibly wise lesson your father taught you. That is truly a gift that he gave you. That stuck with you, and now you have the wonderful opportunity to pass it on to all of us, who are trying so damn hard to not tire out before we give up on that soccer ball. I’m trying really hard not to give up on that soccer ball, because—let’s see how much I can use this analogy here— I’m not sure why I’m even going after it. Okay, no; more accurately, I’m not even sure what sport I’m playing. My point: I started with goals for the new year, I wrote them down, I shared them with a couple of trustworthy friends who exchanged goals with me, and I set them in the front of my mind. Not a day went by that I didn’t constantly think of what I needed to do next to get closer to what I want to do, or rather, who I wanted to become. But perhaps I need to go back and revisit that list, or place it somewhere in front of me where I can always see it. I seemed to be on my way, or some semblance of that, and then I started focusing on other people. And then I just got wildly off-track and now I’m just trying to find my way again. I just really want to find a purpose for my life. Right now I live for everyone else. I live for my parents, my family, my friends. I live to be there for them and guide them through any issues I can help with. But (selfishly?), I want to find MY reason to live every day. Not someone else’s reason, or what someone else tells me I need — it needs to be what I need. That’s it. I live in great fear that I’ll lose someone I love because I feel like without them, I will crumble. I’ll be nothing without them. I will thus have no purpose. I need to find my purpose. Thank you Sean for yet another inspirational blog post. I got off my ass to write this, even though I’m sick. Granted, my being sick probably made this sound like a bunch of rambling nonsense. I apologize if it does. Have a great weekend, Sean. Thank you so much for everything you give to us. We will always support you, like you’ve supported us. Side note: SO sorry about your rolled ankle. That truly does hurt like a son of a bitch. I’ve actually never rolled mine, but I’ve landed on it funny and even THAT kills, so…I can imagine, and I greatly sympathize. But you’re a champ. I’m convinced there’s not a single thing you cannot do, and I thank you for giving us the confidence to believe the same within ourselves. You’re a beautiful human being. Say hi to Donut from all of us!
Possum, you need to put yourself first. Most people will poo poo that but it’s true. I’m only now realising that Me, Myself & I have got to be number one. I need to look in the mirror & like myself before I can truly love anyone else. And so do you. So go back, read Seans promises blog & look in the mirror & say what he tells you to. I know I’m overdue to do it again as well.
Just read this now. Thank you so much for your kindness and encouragement.
I’m new to reading your blogs, I haven’t gone back and read from the start, but I sense a pattern in the ones I have read. They’re all great, all inspiring and some are touching. The pattern I see is you trying to encourage people to WANT in life. And wanting in life is amazing.
I used to be one of those lame & boring losers you talk about… But now that I’ve been back on track with life and have that want back, it’s changed.. I let myself go, I didn’t exercise or take care of my body, I had no dreams within reach.
But now, I realise NOTHING is out of reach, I just need to climb until I grasp it and hold the f*ck on. And I’ve been holding on! Since my weighloss ventures, I’ve lost a total of 42 pounds. Yeah, awesomeness, but I still have a ways to go.
Anyways, back to the point, I think what you’re doing, taking time to reach out, trying to let people know that they can if they really want to, is facking awesome. I applaud you because there really are some people who need it, even if it’s from someone they haven’t met or whatever, some people just don’t have anyone to turn to. So yay for you, you’re an extraordinary man.
*Thumbs Up*
Thank you for giving us the gift of your father.
So, I just found this site, which is weird because I’m a huge fan of Mr. Flanery, but I wasn’t really into the whole social media thing until recently, so I guess that’s what happens when you come around to the modern age. Anyway, I kind of love it here. And it’s making me want to do better. I even wrote my own blog about it (http://lifesabloodymess.blogspot.com/2013/02/it-time-to-begin.html?m=1 if you feel like reading it). So, I’m going to work on that.
Thanks for being here and doing what you do–all of you. 🙂
“Because the biggest reward isn’t what you get for putting in all the hard work, it’s what all the hard work makes you become.:” SPF. Thanks for the new quote. UPDATE ON MY NEW YEARS RES: Work is so challenging right now that it has actually become fun. Learning in school that I know more than I think I know. And I had the courage to go to Mardi Grau for the first time instead of sitting at home all day. And I almost have saved up enough money to get a lawyer for my divorce. My goal was to have enough by the end of April and I am still pushing it…lol 🙂
Testing 1..2..3 😉 I have tried to reply to blog a few times & it won’t go through. Finally got a reply to Susan & Marie (above) to go through & now it’s not there? 🙁 Hopefully this one will.. Thanks Sean for all your wonderful blogs xo
Yeah, I remember hearing that my whole life.. “winners never quit, and quitters never win” I understand persevering… I am not very good at it… Or maybe I am great at it! Perhaps I am just backwards with it.. Anyway, I like how you put it Mr. Flanery, it makes great sense! And that is a great story too.
As you so often do with your gift of inspiration Sean, you turned my thoughts to what I knew I shined be doing. I read this a couple of days ago & spent a whole weekend reflecting on my goals & where I want my winning goal line to be. I was awake into the early hours of this morning typing out several letters of resignation for positions I hold, ones that I know will survive without me while I run my race to MY finish line. I will work on cutting my hours at work & find a suitable replacement for me so that I can completely dedicate myself to MY personal race…herd it goes :)))
This story has truly turned my day around, I woke up super discouraged this morning about following my dreams they seem so impossible. But as I am learning today I need to take my failed attempts and learn from them, and grow from them I know where I want my life to go it is getting there that is the hardest part after reading this I will keep trying. Thank you for inspiring me to keep trying.
Since I’ve played soccer since the time I was 6, thus story was very relatable to me. I had a coach that didn’t really care when I was little so I, originally, just gave up on the ball as you did Sean. Wen I got to about 7th grade I moved up a division and got a different coach. The first game we had I kept giving up on the ball and was pulled out of the game. At the time I didn’t understand why I was pulled out. I thought I was doing everything I was supposed to do. My coach told me how are you gonna win any thing in life if you just give up so quickly on something that could help you succeed. I now chase after every single ball even if it’s “impossible” to reach. I love how our stories are basically identical in an essence. I loved this blog post a lot. Thank you. 🙂
You know Sean, I always loved your movies, boondock saints being my all time favorite movie 🙂 then last weekend I got the opportunity to meet you and I was blown away by how amazing a person you are! So much fun and energy, the type of person you just want to be around! Now that I’ve discovered your blog I find you to be such an EXTRAORDINARY person. So inspirational! Some of the things I’ve read on here I will most likely carry with me throughout my life, and career. It speaks volumes that you lend out your hand to help people through their personal hardships. I truly look up to you!
I believe life is a beautiful thing, but it wouldn’t be without each one of our personal masterpieces.
Thank you for being you!
Boiled down to the essence this would be: “nothing is impossible for he who carries the will in his heart”….Part of my life philosophy. My life has taught me that: that as long as you at least try, how can you be a failure? It is only when you do NOT try, when you let excuses rule in you life, when you postpone everything until…well TOMORROW, that you will end up a failure. Also success depends on by what standards you meassure it? Is true success being the most beautiful, most famous, richest and most powerful person in the world? Or is TRUE success in life meassured by what shines from within, from WHO you are and not WHAT you are? I truly and strongly believe in the last of those statements. Looks and jobs are temporary, but who you are and what you do, not only for yourself, but for others – lasts <3 <3 <3
I’ve been wanting to make a blog, but I don’t know what I would write about that people would want to read.. So how do you know what to write about?
I have no idea what people want to read. Maybe if I wrote differently more people would read… maybe less. No idea.
I was on a soccer team myself from 1987-1988 called “The Equalizers” based on the TV show “The Equalizer” odd name but that was our team’s name based on a unanimous vote! Anyways, I was only on the team for 1yr because I was to quiet & shy & I didn’t really get along well with my teammates. I didn’t personally care whether or whether not we won I just wanted to be a good soccer player! I never personally scored a goal but I did help the team score goals! I was a left halfback & I was a good kicker & a good passer…But I let my fear of ppl disliking me never return to play soccer again! As I look back years ago now, I shouldn’t of let my disapproval of ppl disliking me make my decisions…but now I have something I never had before…a winning attitude! I’m no longer letting ppl’s dislike affect my decisions in any area of my life! I am who I am… I can only be me nobody else! I have the drive & the attitude now to never give up on myself or my dreams! From a former soccer player to you Sean thank you for your smart & inspiring soccer story…it’s truly touching! Love Stephanie 🙂