But, some people DO have eating problems!!! -Sean Patrick Flanery
Bullsh*t excuses!!!!! Part 1… (yes, there’s more)
…life
If you care about your kids or loved ones, how about giving them an extra couple of years to spend with you? And if you just wish someone would love you for who you are?? Step in front of a mirror, because that’s EXACTLY who you are. The care that you take of your own person speaks VOLUMES about your own personal value for life. There is simply no way around this.
Here’s a list of some of the excuses I’ve heard through the years of why people “can’t” get healthy. …Enjoy.
“I can’t lose weight because of genetics.” (in-between bites of a chili cheese dog)
“But my thyroid!!” (said while driving down the mall in a power chair)
“Just wait until YOU have kids!!” (has 2 nannies)
…choices.
Excuses are crap. Hard work is the ONLY solvent for life’s problems.
“I just don’t like the taste of water!!” (guzzles 3 liters of soda per day)
“I don’t have time to work out!!” (watches 4 hours of reality TV a day)
“I’m big boned!!” (weighed 149 on the college wrestling team)
“I can lose weight, but I gain even more back!!.” (has the commitment of a kamikaze pilot on his 33rd mission)
Delay gratification. Start today.
“I DO NOT ACCEPT EXC– USES. I’M JUST GOING TO HAVE TO FIND MYSELF A NEW GIANT, THAT’S ALL.” -THE PRINCESS BRIDE
“I’m fat, but I bet I’m just as healthy as YOU are!!” (gets winded going to the second floor)
“Don’t worry, I can lose all this weight in 4 months max!!” (said regularly since high school)
“I go to the gym for 2 hours a day, but just can’t lose the weight!!” (Talks to everybody in the gym & never breaks a sweat)
Yes, it starts with you.
“EXC– USES ARE THE NAILS — USED TO BUILD A HO– USE OF FAILURE.” -DON WILDER
“I’m just focused on loving my body, and not inflicting it with the pain of a daily workout.” (in-between HUGE drags on a cigarette)
“Look, I lettered in everything in high school, so I’m just chillin’ right now.” (while wearing old H.S. gym shirt that barely cover navel)
“Listen, big men make women feel safe & secure.” (as wife’s eyes roll)
“FOR MANY PEOPLE, AN EXC– USE IS BETTER THAN AN ACHIEVEMENT BECA– USE AN ACHIEVEMENT, NO MATTER HOW GREAT, LEAVES YOU HAVING TO PROVE YOURSELF AGAIN IN THE FUTURE, BUT AN EXC– USE CAN LAST A LIFETIME.” -ERIC HOFFER
“Men like a woman that they can hold on to.” (been single for eight years)
“I’m not going to starve myself!!” (while waiting for a 1000 calorie Chipotle burrito with THREE extra sides of sour cream)
I’m trying, I switched to diet Cokes!!” (over a large Domino’s, consumed solo)
“We have more ability than willpower, and it is often an excuse to ourselves that we imagine things are impossible.” -Francois de la Rochefoucauld
“I’m not going to the gym, sweating is disgusting.” (Belt is completely hidden by mushroom top)
“Treadmills are for gerbils.” (Always chooses escalator over stairs)
“I’m going to enjoy my life, not obsess over my health!!” (Can’t do the much desired zip line in Vegas because of the weight limit)
“I went to the gym for 2 weeks and only lost 3 lbs!!” (but took 4 years to gain 100 lbs of fat)
“Excuses are the tools with which persons with no purpose in view build for themselves great monuments of nothing.” -Steven Grayhm
“I would NEVER want to look like those cover models!!” (has had a subscription to Vogue & Elle for the past 20 years)
‘My doctor told me to stay off my feet because of my knee injury.” (sprained knee 4 years ago)
“My doctor agrees that people obsess over health too much!!” (Doctor weighs 365 lbs)
“I KNOW that being overweight is purely based on genetics!” (but also agrees that it’s not purely genetics that cause her to wait behind 11 cars everyday at the drive through at McDonalds)
“I hardly eat at all & I still gain weight!!” (every FaceBook update is about their latest gargantuan meal)
“Healthy food doesn’t taste good, and I just can’t stick with things that are unpleasant!!” (Started smoking at 13 and continued coughing every day for 2 weeks before body finally acclimated to smoke inhalation)
“I have metal fillings in my mouth and my refrigerator magnets keep pulling me to the kitchen!!” (Okay, this one never actually happened)
Get busy living… or get busy dying.
The absolute worst person in the world that you can lie to, is yourself… for it will have FAR greater than catastrophic effects.
Do you want a long line of people who are ready to love, honor, and take care of you?? Well… the line starts right behind you.
SHINE!!!! … until tomorrow.
-Sean Patrick Flanery
I’ve been working hard to have no excuses when it comes to my weight. This time last year, I couldn’t walk a mile. Now I can run, I go to R.I.P.P.E.D. classes every week and managed to do two hours back to back last week and will do it again tomorrow! I was in a size 16 last year and now in a size 10. If I can do this, anyone can!
i do not agree that every fat person has an excuse to lose weight.some people have thyroid problems or illness that prevent them from losing weight.i myself was skinny all my life and now i gained alittle weight and i can”t lose weight due to thyroid problems.so’ there are many people like me that try but cannot. And we cannot take medication because our thyroid is borderline problem’ so i know from my experience that i try and lose alittle weight but cannot return to the weight that i was before
Thyroid problems do not prevent weight loss. While they can make weight loss a bit more difficult, they by no means prevent it. Best of luck, and God bless.
Thyroid problems can make weight loss alot more difficult’ and believe me’ i tried everything.As i was saying earlier i cannot take medication for my thyroid because it”s borderline’ but now losing weight is so much harder than before and i eat much less than before and i don”t like sweets and bread and still it is so hard to lose the weight.It is not impossible’ but still’ i cannot return to the weight that i was before.
Anny, you may have a thyroid problem. I have ELEVEN prescribed medications that 9 of which all have “weight gain” as a side effect. I am also disabled. In around 8 months, I have lost 34 pounds, I can’t do strenuous exercises (I used to weight train and now am not supposed to lift anything heavier than 3 pounds).
Cutting out refined sugar and bread is a start but you need to cut out as much Gluten as you can from your diet and maybe then dieting will be easier. Never starve yourself on a diet. The average size woman, size 10, consumes 1800 calories per day. If you are overweight, not to be mean because I was a BIG girl at one time, you are probably consuming that per meal.
1800 calories need to be broken up into 6 300 mini meals. This is safer for your glycemic level and if you do have diabetes it is exactly how your body needs to receive nourishment. Give the rest of your eggs to your neighbor, use egg beaters instead. Buy turkey bacon. Throw out the oil because you are never going to FRY anything again! Buy Pam cooking spray. Use iron skillets when possible because people who are unhealthy eaters often are anemic as well and you can get iron deposits in you’re cooking just by cooking or heating everything in Ironware. You are also going to have to give up pasta, unless you can go to an organic grocer and see if they carry gluten free pastas.
Gluten is just what it sounds like…..GLUE. It’s a bonding additive put into foods to cut costs of using actual real ingredients Do you eat GLUE? I hope not, so don’t eat gluten. The entire line of Chex cereal is Gluten free, just enjoy with soy milk. You have to get rid of as much dairy as possible.
You can get individually packed portions of mixed veggies in a butter sauce that you throw into the micro and nuke for a minute or so and add some Mrs. Dash and you have a soup bowl full of nice veggies that you can snack on all day long or make a meal out of it with boneless, skinless chicken thigh diced and sautéed with Swanson’s Flavor boosters and add that to the veggies and you have a nice meal.
Drinking diet drinks, doesn’t add calories to your diet, but doesn’t flush your system of toxins either. Get a Brita or Pur gallon jug to keep in the fridge. Just fill at the tap and the filter in the jug will provide you with a cooler, sweeter water with no junk in it.
Anny, if you need any more help with diet choices or anything you can go to http://www.chriskresser.com or go to http://www.eatingwell.com and keep selecting until you come to a 7 – day gluten free meal plan to help you get started. Good luck! You were trying. You just didn’t know where to look. So, as our Captain says, Shine…..until tomorrow!!
I don’t even have a thyroid anymore because I’ve had hypothyroidism since 7th grade and now autoimmune thyroiditis. Yes. It’s hard to lose weight. But I’ve lost 70 pounds in the past couple years. It just takes a lot of effort. Went from a size 18 to an 8!
That’s beautiful !!!!!!
Today I am starting to take the stairs instead of the elevator and also walking to the person’s desk instead of sending an email regarding a question at work. This is also the challenge I listed on my Facebook page for others to take today. It is the small steps each day that make a big difference. I hope you all are doing something to make your self a little healthier today. Have a great day everyone..
I used to use the thyroid excuse. I have had Hashimoto’s since I was 6. I am now 41 and in the past 4 years have lost 100lbs, have run several ½ Marathons and ran my first Marathon last October. I also just got my Certification from the National Academy Of Sports Medicine to be a Personal Trainer. I still have about 25 pounds to my goal weight but if I can do it, anyone can. I work full time, have a family with a hubby and 7 year old and work part time at the gym teaching and helping others. I might have to work harder but I log my food, watch what types of food I eat and work my ASS OFF. It is calories in versus calories out. I am hoping to inspire others and was excited to find this blog spot. You can also check out my story at Lisa’s Weight Loss Diary on Facebook and @LisaMcManes on Twitter. I am excited to hear about other people’s stories for inspiration and motivation. We can all help each other and make ourselves and this world a better place. MAKE IT A GREAT DAY EVERYONE. “My name is Lisa McManes and I am 41 years old and have struggled with my weight all my life. I was born with a genetic predisposition to obesity. I was born with Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, a type of autoimmune disease in which the immune system attacks and destroys the thyroid gland. The sole function of the thyroid is to make the thyroid hormone which affects nearly all tissues of the body where it increases cellular activity. Therefore, regulating the body’s metabolism, this is the rate at which the body creates and uses energy. Every day since diagnosed at age 6, I have taken a synthetic form of the hormone in order to have a metabolism. This has caused many health issues and struggles in my life. My husband and I have been married since 1997 and had our daughter in 2006. It was a high risk pregnancy with complications and constant blood checks of my TSH level to make sure it was ok so our baby would be born full term and healthy. When Piper was born I wanted to make sure that I instilled in her the values of good self-esteem, eating healthy and being active so she would live a healthy long life. Four years ago at 288 pounds my friend and I joined a gym for personal training to lose weight and get fit. I always struggled with my weight due to my condition and did not think a trainer would help but gave it a try. My trainer has been a godsend. I was learning how to eat right, logging my food, exercising, wearing my EXERSPY to monitor my steps and calories burned. I also fell in LOVE with running and after some pounds came off I tried a beginner’s run club at the gym and have been hooked ever since. I have lost 100 pounds so far, I teach Eat To Lose classes and Beginners Run Club at the gym to help others with their weight loss journey. I have completed43 half marathons and ran my 1st marathon this past October in Columbus Ohio. I want to be an example to others and inspire them to lose weight and get healthy. My condition requires me to work hard then others and it is taking me a little longer to get the weight off. However, IF I CAN DO IT, ANYONE CAN.”
Sean is right!! It doesn’t prevent weight loss. Believe me—I would know. I was diagnosed with 3 different things and of course all 3 slow down my weight loss goals. I have a growth on my pituitary gland, PCOS, and hypothyroidism. It hasn’t been an easy road for me and i felt like crap for the longest time. Once this was all treated, I felt a million times better and was able to get the workouts done that I used to do. It has been about a year and a half and i am down 40lbs and my energy level is through the roof. I too am not at my goal but I will work as hard as I can knowing that my health is no longer holding me back. It will take a lot longer than planned but I will get there!!! Thanks Sean for the motivation to keep going!
I also believe that 98% of the time its excuses but your wrong. There are real reasons a person cannot lose weight.
I was a very thin active person ALL of my like until age 29 when I developed serious chronic health problems.
It hurt to breathe let alone exercise and I was taking prescription steroids for health issues. You can live on lettuce and water and run for 3 hours a day but you will still gain weight on that stuff.
I did and I also ended up with a low thyroid due an auto-immune problem.
In a matter of months I went from active to fat without changing my lifestyle.
Fast forward many years later and things are better. I went from doctor to doctor and finally found one that would believe me, that I ate well and was as active as I could be but the weight would not move. I am talking about 80 lbs!
I was at a very suicidal point due to being treated like crap by the medical community and strangers who would not believe me when I told them I really was trying.
One doctor listened and she told me that due to chronic Anemia my thyroid was not functioning properly. I took iron but I could not take enough, could not keep up. You need healthy red cells for the body to utilize thyroid hormone. This wonderful doctor changed up my medication and encouraged me to have 2 surgeries, one let me be more active and the other ended the chronic anemia and guess what?
I am down 50 lbs! I have lost that over the last year without changing my eating habits or my exercise routine although I may be a bit more active. Its hard to tell because I am a lot older now.
I had real health reasons. Not an excuse. Not at all. At the end of the day though I took the bull by the horns and kept on searching until I found someone who would help me so in a way yes I was responsible for me but please be careful when someone insists they are having trouble because it is true for some people. I have been at a very low point because of that and I really don’t think I would be here if I was not strong enough to ignore the painful comments and all the disbelieving people. I am strong but not all of us are. Give people the benefit of the doubt.
I love this blog and all that you do. Its very inspiring.
Now I have another 30lbs to go work on and please never stop what you do. Its awesome!
I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism 4 years ago. While I agree that having a thyroid problem can make it harder to lose wait, it does not make it impossible. Those with thyroid problems just have to work at it harder than most. When I was first diagnosed I ate a lot cause I figured it didn’t matter. That I was destined to be fat cause of this disease anyway. Well, with that attitude… I was. It took many things to get me out of that slump and one of them was choosing to not let hypothyroidism define me, and to stop using it as an excuse for my own failure to be healthy.
I DIDN”T SAY IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO LOSE WEIGHT BUT IN MY CASE IM NOT TAKING ANY MEDICATION YET SO IT IS HARD TO LOSE WEIGHT AND I EXCERSICE AND WATCH WHAT I EAT AND NEVER RETURN TO THE WEIGHT THAT I WAS BEFORE I HAD THE PROBLEM
Defensive much? Or maybe you forgot your angry caps were on. Either way, your stating that you can’t lose weight (or get back to your previous weight) because you can’t take the medication. This post isn’t about just losing weight. It’s about being healthy. And as long as you’re working to be healthy then good for you. But stating that you can’t because of thyroid problems is… Just as Sean pointed out… An excuse. And saying that you will never be your previous weight, sounds like you’ve already thrown in the towel.
Anny, you are older now than you were before you put the weight on. All of us are. I’m not down to my prechildren WEIGHT but I am at that high school size. I think you should listen to some of these ladies who have conquered the thyroid battle, no matter how hard, meds or not, something is only as difficult as you make it yourself. If you work, go to the mall, to the grocer, etc, don’t look for that close parking spot. park at the edge of the cars (unless it’s night!!) and walk to the store, shop like you only have 15 minutes, and walk back loading the car yourself. Take stairs at every opportunity. Buy a pedometer and see if you can get 2,000 steps in each day for a week. Increase that number by 1,000 paces each subsequent week until you can sustain 10,000 pacer per day w/o getting overly winded. When you can do that…. you will love the butterfly you’ve had inside the cocoon that you are today. In 9 weeks you may have lost as much as 10-12 pounds! There are 5,280 feet in a mile, and the average person’s stride is 3 feet. Divide that mile by the average stride and you’ve got 1,760. So starting out, you are walking 1/3 a mile each day there about. At the end of nine weeks you’ll be able to do a MINIMUN of 2 miles per day. I was able to fit 5 miles into my lunch half hour and listen to disco trance music and made sure each step matched each beat. Anny, I BELIEVE you can do this!!! I just think you needed someone to sit down and spell things out for you. But, SEE A DOCTOR first to see if you are physically discharged to do the things I’ve shown you today. I have no degree. I was a midwie and nutrition assessor in another part of my life. Be safe. Be healthy. And as our noble Captain says, SHINE…..until tomorrow.
Hiya 🙂 I also have hypothyroidism and yes it does make it harder but not impossible. I too have always been thin until I developed thyroid disease. I am also guilty of making the “I have thyroid disease” excuse. I was diagnosed at 30. I am now 38. I am on Synthroid for mine. I am down 12lbs so far in like a month or so with not a lot of effort. I’ve changed my eating a ton, become more active and stuff. I didn’t think it was possible to lose even a pound and look, I am down 12! I WILL be where I used to be at some point. Good luck to you. I know you can do it.
See my post. Please make sure your iron levels are good.Low iron keeps thyroid medication from working properly. Best of luck to you!!!
I disagree with you. One of my best friends developed thyroid issues and ballooned to having 200 extra pounds. but she worked her butt off and lost it all! Now she has two beautiful little girls where before she had nothing but miscarriages. it can be done. it’s a matter of having the will to do it. I’m about to start my fight to lose weight and it WILL happen.
Sorry. I forgot my hate hat. I do have a love hug for you though. I agree with this post 100%. Everyone has an excuse. I’ve had several. You eventually run out of them or trick yourself into happiness and settle for what you have. There is a huge difference in being happy with your body and just lying to yourself enough times that you hope other people buy it. At the end of the day, when you’re looking in the mirror and reflecting on your day, if you’re not truly happy, then you need to stop making excuses and lies. Set higher goals for the next day. I’m not saying people should hate who they are until they’ve reached their goals. Keep pushing. You’ll get there. I’m just saying people need to accept the truth and stop bullshitting each other. No more excuses. Put the chocolate bar down, take the cigarette out of your mouth, shut up and go exercise.
‘My doctor told me to stay off my feet because of my knee injury.”
Well.. my knees forbid me to just go for a run indeed. But then there’s the bicycle and the stepper for that! Or generally, one can always go swimming.
If your joints are bad or when you are too heavy for them at the beginning of your weight loss, go swimming or do water gymnastics or what have you.
There is always a way. I just think many people can’t see what possibilities or alternatives they can actually use. Excuses often are truth to people, because they just don’t know better.
Haters gonna hate! They just can’t handle the truth. And as hard and ugly as it is, it’s not going to change, no matter how many excuses you try to apply! As for me, I’m giving up the excuses. I’ve used them too many times and it’s never made me feel better – physically or emotionally. Thank you for being the one to have the balls to say it like it is, instead of how we’d like it to be. And to all those out there who say you’re being to harsh or mean – I call BULLSH*T!!!!
What perfect timing! I read this right after a 45 minute workout. Sean, you’re one of the reasons that I keep doing this, even though it’s gotten a lot tougher! Being publicly accountable makes a difference, as does knowing that someone is behind me, cheering my fat ass on. 😉
I ONCE was a whiner, an excuse giver, I was blinded by all the crap I had considered my lifeline(food) rather than my OWN life itself. Almost a year has gone by now since I’ve made a drastic choice in my life. I’m almost down 100 pounds and you know what?! I FEEL SO FREAKING GOOD AND SO FREAKING HAPPY. MUCH happier than that damn extra hot dog or liter of pop would’ve made me. You control what you put in your mouth and you control how much longer you have to run. The light shine inside of you, it’s your choice if you wanna let it show or now. I want too.
Well said Sir!
Living with Kidney Disease limits opportunities for strenuous exercise etc. But that’s my reason, not an excuse. I still walk whenever possible, and simple plan of “moving more than you’re eating” is working, slowly losing weight & healthier eating.
Love your posts!
Thank you for posting this!!! As someone who has been steadily losing weight, I am familiar with many of the excuses listed above. In fact, I had to laugh at some of them, because I, myself, have said them at one point in time! It took me a long time to stop making excuses and blaming my surroundings in order to admit that I was FAT and it was my own damn fault. I also hate hearing people say, “Oh I don’t take weight loss advice from skinny people, cause they don’t know what it’s like!” Um, Im pretty sure they’ve figured out how NOT to get fat. I used to weigh 220lbs. Today I’m at 145lbs. Its not quite where I want to be, but I haven’t stopped working to get where I want to be either. I didn’t lose it with miracle diets or surgeries either. I lost it by taking the blame for my weight and stopping the excuses. I lost my weight by doing what only I could… changing my lifestyle.
So again, I thank you for calling out the excuses that are so commonly said by those who just don’t want to admit to themselves that they are the real reason for their weight problem.
Much love and respect to you!
Teach me, master! I’m serious. been skinny my whole life, ballooned up to 180 from 110 when put on a cocktail of mood stabilizers and anti-depressants ten years ago and I have tried just about everything. Starting about December 28 I’ve been eating properly ( cut out bread, wheat, gluten, dairy, sugar, anything w/ ingredients one cant pronounce or doesn’t have in one’s kitchen, [and it’s freaking difficult] ).. am looking into a detox right now, & I dance 45 minutes every other day.. but it’s difficult & I haven’t seen any results, since I quit working 8-hr days in retail as a stock-person three years ago to take a “big-person job”. :-/
Secrets?
It’ll remain difficult until it becomes part of your culture. After that… it’s just normal. Endeavor to persevere.
I used to be on the opposite side and often make excuses as well, but then I realized that the best excuse is the one you use to stop making excuses in the first place. It’s called reality and I realized that it had been there the whole time. If someone is overweight and can’t get their dose of reality from looking in the mirror, than they haven’t reached (and no telling if they ever will reach) the point where they just decide to make the lifestyle change and tell their body “Hey, I’m gonna take care of you.”
I can’t run. Wish I could but knee injury prevents me so I walk or use the gazelle machine inside. I have a modified workout I do. Gone from 22 pant size to a 20 and almost at a 18. Goal is 16 since that was my pre pregnancy weight and anything below that honestly makes my frame look sickly.
Yes I smoke and hate water but I drink 20 to 60 per day now, cut my energy drinks down to 1 and my soda consumption down.
Once I get down to where I want to be then I can start working on my other vices one at a time. I will never be perfect but I am happy with who I am now and I am just trying to better myself for my kid.
I know this is more than needed as a comment but I needed to let that out.
Genna, I mean this in the nicest possible way, but bullshit! Don’t wait to “get down to where I want to be then I can start working on my other vices one at a time”, do it now. You know it’s a problem, waiting till later isn’t going to make it easier. I know what I’m talking about. I quit smoking, started working out an hour and a half a day, five days a week, and going to to jiu jitsu class twice a week, and changed my diet drastically all within a two week time period. and you know what? Wasn’t nearly as hard as I thought it would be. No excuses, just do it! Much love to you! You can do it!
Never had billshit called so nicely before lol. Okay not making excuses but the last time I tried to quit all three things at once it was not good on a lot of levels. I have tried and for me it seems to work out better when I ease off of things oveR time. Congrats to you for being able to conquer them all but you know as well as I that every person and situation is different. When I do though you will know because I will shout it from the rooftops and in the comments while looking faboo 🙂
[“I have metal fillings in my mouth and my refrigerator magnets keep pulling me to the kitchen!!” (Okay, this one never actually happened)] Haha, this that one was hilarious! One of the things I’ve been telling myself for years is to just face the truth and the consequences… Because that’s the only way things will change. Of course, facing the truth can be overwhelming PAINFUL sometimes… But then you ruck up and start marching. I’ll continue to face the truth. And honestly start loving myself. Thanks for this. xx
Wow! these are epic excuses! Granted I’m not thin, but for the past 3 years I’ve been on a get healthy, feel great journey. I’ve always been active whether dancing, running, or yoga. When I work out I feel amazing, now bearing that in mind I like to have a treat once in a while but when that once in a while becomes a habit then its not a treat its plain lazy! Life is to important!!! I have lost some freinds and family to bad health habits, frankly it hurts to lose someone you love because of excuses. Sean thanks for your posts I love your blog!!! Keep Shining Luv!!!
I’ve hidden behind excuses for years while my weight fluctuated. I’ve been a nanny for 13 years, and it was getting difficult to do anything fun with the kids I took care of. The family I’ve known and worked with for 10 years have always been wonderful to me. Both parents are doctors. Instead of making me feel like crap for my size, they encouraged me to get healthy. They paid for my membership to the local YMCA, and put me in contact with their trainer, who has been so great! I told him I didn’t know how much I weighed and didn’t want to know. I just wanted to be healthy. He told me as long as I was serious he would work with me…that was 5 months ago. I don’t know how much weight I’ve lost, but I’m wearing clothes I haven’t fit into in years. The children, these parents, and my own family are so encouraging. I can’t believe the difference in the way I feel! I used to hate working out, but now I can’t wait to see what my trainer is going to throw at me. The most exciting and unbelievable thing for me is I am participating in my first 5k run/walk with this family this weekend. I can’t believe all the years I wasted hating myself. I’m far from where I need to be, but i know I have the strength to make it!:-)
You’re so right, Sean. I’ve been there before, I used to live in denial. Life changes when you finally make up your mind about what’s better for you. Celebrating right now 1 year of IBM = 21 and, the best of all, quality of life. I’ll never be a model, but at least now I am trully healthy and proud of me.
Denial may be an important psychological mechanism of defense initially, but there’s always a time when you need to open your eyes and deal with the problem. Wish everyone have their time to shine!
Thanks again for your words!!!
Sabrina
Every word you said is true! I’ve heard most of those excuses before and, I hate to admit it, but I’ve used one or two myself previously. I work hard to not use excuses now. I find that it’s actually easier to be honest with myself than to lie to myself. It feels much better too. It’s amazing how much healthier you can get when you hold yourself responsible for all your own actions and decisions.
Thank you for another fantastic blog! Love you!
Sean, You hit the nail on the head. I love this article. Now I am going to look in the mirror.
I always thought the “wait till You have kids” referred to the mommy pouch / diastasis.
Which Is correctable with certain type of exercises. =)
However this blog post was the roman candle for me.
I have been making way too many excuses recently with what I choose to eat and with my work. I vow to stop lying to myself.
Love ya Sean, thanks!
The only excuse I have is I LOVE GOOD. I seen a full body shot of me and hate the way I look. Starting now it’s time to shine and I will shine until tomorrow! Thank you SRF… UPDATES TO COME!
I ment I love food. haha I’m a dork!
Sean Robert Flanery? Heheh, I’m sorry. I couldn’t help myself. Anyhow, good for you Emi. Glad you decided enough is enough, and best of luck fulfilling that. Keep us ALL updated.
I struggle with my weight for a good part of my life and part of it is due to PCOS and crazy isulun levels BUT I 100% agree with everything you said. It is frustrating that it doesn’t come off nearly as fast as other people but it is sometching I have to suck up and deal with. I am down 40 lbs since last year (when I was finally diagnosed correctly). It’s not easy but I’d rather not accomplish my goal the easy way.
Thanks for the motivation Sean!
Oh, the timing! 31 days today as a non-smoker, middle of fifth week of BJJ, and have gone to the gym 5 days a week for six weeks straight. Started having lazy thoughts (ie: I can cut down on my gym days, man I really want a smoke, etc) And here comes Sean with a nice big kick in the ass! Thanks for the re-up on motivation, looking forward to part 2!
I have a friend who weighs well over 400 pounds and I am not exaggerating. I’ve known her for years and over the course of those years, I’ve heard her quote approximately 99% of this blog. And when I respond with “Excuses,” she will explain to me that these are not excuses but reasons. My response? BULLSHIT, they’re excuses.
I always find it interesting when people get all over your case for not sugar coating your words, for not being “PC,” for actually being honest. Your straightforwardness is one of my favorite things about you, actually. Anyone that has paid any attention at all to you as a person would know you tell it like it is, warts and all. And that is an admirable quality.
Oh…..and in regards to something someone said earlier on Twitter…..Inspiring is a word that comes to mind when I hear the name “Sean Patrick Flanery.” Without exception. It’s quite sad they don’t see this in you.
Much love, Sean. God bless. And a heartfelt thank you.
I still REALLY like fast food. It’s kind of a curse because I can eat it and I never really gain weight, but I know it’s bad for me. Do you think I will go to Hell?
GHere’s my thing…..yep I’ve had every excuse in the book and believed them for a long time. Until I took the time to remeber all best times in my life and *DING DING DING* they all took place when I was in the best shape of my life. So I have been working out daily, and changing my way of thinking about food. Sean also took time to talk to me at a comic con this year, and his inspiring, truthful and sometimes hard to hear words helped me even more to accept that swift kick in the ass I needed to really look at that girl in the mirror I’ve been looking past for so many years. Sean your blogs are truth and inspiration thank you!
I disliked hearing excuses…especially when they were coming from ME. I take responsibility for myself and everything that has led to me being overweight. Do I slip up every now and again? Sure. But I haven’t given up. I kinda like the person in the mirror, but I know she can be so much better.
here’s my excuse…I’m just lazy. pure and simple, but lately I have been taking steps to better myself cause the truth is if you don’t love yourself you cannot love others 🙂 xoxo
Ok so I read this and started bawling my eyes out. 2.5 yrs ago I started on a journey and in 2 yrs time I lost 100lbs. I was so proud of myself and I finally snagged myself a guy. Since then I have let myself go… I don’t eat right or exercise like I use to. I gained 10lbs back and I feel ashamed. I worked towards a goal to better myself and I just basically told myself to hell with you. I need to stop with these bullshit excuses and get back to it. Just because things started to look up I should not have let my guard down. I did, and I see/feel the difference. I did this and I need to correct what I have done. Ty Sean for once again helping me to see that I have failed myself. It’s time to turn this back around and succeed.
I wrote a blog comment (yes as myself! Mireille) on a blog you wrote back in November of 2012: https://shineuntiltomorrow.com/general/okay-get-your-hate-hats-on-cause-here-i-go-again-sean-patrick-flanery/
When I saw you at the convention this past April you did not recognize me and said how surprised you were that I had lost weight. Which caught me off guard because I thought you do read all your blog comments. Then the worst thought crossed my mind, you might have thought I was lying to you when I made my blog comment. I do NOT lie to my friends like that and I consider you a friend Sean!!!
I am a very private person and usually do not put my life out on public display. I took the risk back in 2012 and am doing so now again because it is important to me to say this publicly … Sean, I truly support your message of living a healthy life!
Respect & Love,
Mireille @MireilleM
I do read everything, but I guess I just didn’t realize that you lost absolutely everything that you needed to. When I saw you in Calgary, you were the embodiment of health. I guess when I read about your progress I just thought that you made a dent, when in fact you had CRUSHED it completely!!!
How appropriate that I you wrote this blog on the day that I decided enough was enough. I’ve been making excuses (I’m too busy, I’ll do it tomorrow, I’m too tired, etc) but I’m done with excuses. If not now, when? I’m a single mother and my children need me to be healthy, I’m being selfish by not taking care of myself. This blog post was so needed, I’m printing it out and putting it where I can read it every single day. Thank you for your tough love, your inspiration and your “kick in the pants” attitude. God bless & Shine … Until Tomorrow! @elfwhims
Thanks for helping us SHINE. You’re fucking awesome, dude. 😉
Sean, You are so inspiring!! It is because of you that my life has changed for the better. I use to make some of these excuses as well. However, after I read your blog I testified and got my ass in the gym and changed my life forever. I have gone from a whopping 232 pounds to 157 pounds and I’m still going. I wont stop until I can look in the mirror and LOVE what I see! So, thanks Sean!!!!
Geesh, every time I think I have figured it out, you make me RE-THINK all over again… Well at least I’m still on my toes.. 🙂 Thanks SPF… You are a great ass kicker!
Sean you are an inspiration and have a way of putting things into perspective. I am fat and very unhealthy and I have never taken care of myself and I make excuses all the time. I’m saying all this because I want to own up to to my BS and take responsibility for the fact that I am this way because I just won’t do something about it. I have made a lot of bad decisions in my life, I have been homeless off and on for seven years. I lost my grandmother to diabetes in 2005 and lost my mom suddenly in 2009 a month before my daughter was born (because she didn’t take care of herself) and I covered it all up with drugs and alcohol. Things finally got so bad I started making different choices. I am in a safe/stable home with family. I quit smoking cigarettes going on three months now. I am clean and sober. I’ve got a good job. However I just keep up this food addiction its a crutch I guess. And I want to be done with it. I don’t want to put my daughter through what I had to go through just because I want to make BS excuses. I want to vow here to change this and take responsibility. Thank you Sean.
I’d rather be a fatass than a judgmental ass who dislikes people for making their own choices. I could care less if I’m attractive to you. I don’t exist for you.
You say “Shine” and then make 1/3 of America feel horrible. Look in the mirror, bud.
Exactly what one-third are you talking about? Please describe them in detail.
Sean, you know that 1/3 of America is obese. And I support your inspirational “shine” mantra, but everyone shines in her own way. Few people shine in EVERY way. I’m obese. But I’ve never driven drunk, or cheated on my taxes, or done many other things that are possibly detrimental to others. I’m just tired of the world thinking that those people are acceptable, and I’m not, JUST because I’m fat.
I’ve met you at a couple events, and you seemed like a nice guy. It’s disappointing to know that, based on what you said above, you were judging my “shine” – and that of my spouse – based on our weight.
Yes, your diatribe above also went into smoking and lack of exercise and other unhealthy habits. But three of the quotes imply that (1) wives hate their fat husbands, (2) that fat women can’t get dates or get married, and (3) that fat women don’t even deserve to even read fashion magazines.
That’s just wrong, Sean. You’re not talking about personal excuses. You’re talking about how society mistreats a group and labels them as unworthy of love and support. Why should I want to “change” for a society that’s so shallow and hateful?
I believe you meant the overall message as inspirational, but parts of it sure didn’t seem that way. Nonetheless, thanks for hearing me out.
Oh Cosmo, the change needs to be for yourself, not for society! you can be at your thinnest and healthiest and people will always judge. You have CLEARLY missed the point of all this.
it really is NOT ok to be obese. It’s not about being attractive to someone else. It’s about your LIFE. and your health. If you were killing yourself with drugs or alcohol, would you feel differently about what Sean is saying here? If he replaced this whole blog about people with addictions, who are killing themselves, then would it be ok?
so sad that you are missing the point! and sad only for YOU.
This.
That’s MY point, Lucia. If Sean’s rant had been about “You need to be healthy for YOU,” that’s one thing. But he brought up all these things about how obese people can’t find love, how their spouses hate them, and so on. That’s wrong, and that’s MY point. That’s not “truth.” Those notions weren’t inspirational, they were degrading and misguided.
You can’t excuse one bad choice by saying at least you didn’t make a WORSE choice (I’m obese. But I’ve never driven drunk, or cheated on my taxes, or done many other things that are possibly detrimental to others). And who on earth thinks those people are acceptable? I don’t know any women who enjoys their husband being overweight, and while my husband loves me regardless, I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t mind if didn’t jiggle for a good five seconds after I stop moving. The fashion magazine comment, you took completely wrong. the excuse was “I would NEVER want to look like those cover models!!” yet the person is obviously patronizing the very thing she says doesn’t like. Just an excuse. You know that being overweight, smoking, etc is bad for you. Sean is just pointing it out because we live in a society of no accountability. Nothing is ever our fault because we are handed excuses and encouraged to use them at every turn. Being unhealthy is a CHOICE, just as being healthy is a CHOICE. It shows a lack of self respect when you are overweight and unhealthy, and yes, people are going to judge you on that. Just like people will judge you by the clothes you wear or the way you talk. And you shouldn’t want to change for society. You should want to change for yourself. You should realize that YOU are worth changing, simply FOR you. Changing for someone or something else never sticks. It needs to come from a place of realization within yourself, and the first step toward that is to STOP MAKING EXC– USES! because everything you wrote is just an excuse not to do what you already know you should.
VERY well said. You are my hero.
I totally and COMPLETELY agree with you on this one. It is soooooooooo easy to feel “attacked”, but instead of “victimizing” oneself, look in the mirror and decide based on what YOU see in it, not based on what you think others might see!
Truth be told, most people really do not give a F*** (pardon my language here Sean) about how we look, because everyone else is just as preoccupied with how they themselves look or what other people think about them.
“The fat lady always smile” some say, but is it really a smile of happiness? Truth be told, those of us who carry a lot or at least some weight too much for our own good around (I’ll get to why I ended up 20 kg…you do the math on how muc lbs that is) around aren’t any worse off than the way too skinny supermodels. It isn’t heathy to gorge oneselves on supersize meals…and if you do not belive me, watch the documentary Supersize Me. It isn’t healthy to sterve yourself to a point where no-one can really tell wether you’re a boy or a girl…something that is widespread in the supermodel business, even though it has been heavily discussed for years.
What IS healthy though is you taking care of YOU.
It is a matter of making a choice. If you look in the mirror and decide that “this is how I look, and there is absolutely NOTHING I can do about it, because I’m…
Big bones
Having weak genes
Having metal fillings that drag me to the fridge (no I never came across that one before ether)
Rubbing it in every time I buy a magazine with skinny supermodels in it, to subconsiosely remind myself what a failure I feel I am deep down inside.
And so on and so forth….
It is and will always be….excuses.
But who are you punishing?
YOU
Who are you lying to?
YOU
Who are you hurting?
Those near and dear ones you leave behind when you leave this planets way before you should have.
I’m not saying we can all be actors or models. I’m not saying we should all strive for that supermodel career, but we need to realize that all those excuses, all that selfpity and all that anger we direct at those who step on our already hurting self esteem, like Sean most definetely did to some with this entry, has got to stop!
If you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see, because there is too much fat on your belly or your arms or both…do not walk away in disgust or even worse, in defeat. Do something! Empower yourself! Don’t look to others for pity or direction. Do not loathe yourself for the bad choices you’ve made thus far…and at this point I blankly admit, that I was hurt in an accident a couple of years ago, that resulted in surgery and in me ultimately loosing my job. Today I’m 95% there again. I live with minor long lasting effects after the accident – one of my arms is a bit weaker than it used to be, but I still have both arms, both legs and my head put on the right way, so I realized I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself and eat too much comfort food. I realized that change starts with ME, that baby steps is the way to go. If you havent excersized for a while, don’t sign up for the next marathon…or decide that you will participate in the iron man.
Maybe that is long term goals, but if you can get outside and go for a walk EVERY single day, regarless of the weather (the part about making excuses gotta stop..it is NOT too hot or too cold or too wet…dress accordingly) you are on your way. set tiny goal like: today I’ll skip the icecream and have a smoothie when I feel the need for something sweet…that type or thing.
Empower yourself, put little post it stickers on your fridge saying stuff like “NO it isn’t good for me”.
Look in the mirror several times a day, force yourself to smile and say “I feel beautiful and I’ll do right by myself so I can hold that thought”!
Sorry for ranting like this dear Sean 😉
I just HAD to get this off my chest <3
This has made me so happy, know why? Cause when I read that I read it in Tyler Durden’s voice.
You mean “excuses,” not “choices.”
If this post didn’t hit so close to home for you, then you wouldn’t be as offended as you are. When you want to make a change and are tired of making excuses for being a “fatass,” then you should come back to this post and reread it.
Excuse (definition): To explain (a fault or an offense) in the hope of being forgiven or understood.
By calling it an “excuse,” you’re defining obesity as “a fault or an offense.” That’s judgmental and wrong. The fact that people don’t see that is the problem with society today. Everyone is SO worried about forcing their beliefs, politics, and opinions on everyone else.
Do you have an excuse for being Republican? Or Catholic? Or Pro-Life? No… those are CHOICES. And everyone’s free to make them in America.
My point: You make people “shine” by lifting them up, not putting them down. Sean knows that, and he usually goes that route, but he slipped this time. That’s all.
The truth can never put someone down.
You don’t make people “shine” by lying to them. You don’t make people shine period. They have to do that by themselves. It’s not an external thing, its internal.
You are confusing the origin of the fault with the result of the fault. The “fault” is not the individual fat cell, but the life choices that CA– USE the fat cell. Those same life choices that will intentionally shorten the most valuable gift we’ve ever been given.
I agree – and while it is also true that being thinner doesn’t automatically make anyone happier, it is healthier. I am en route back to my slender self after a tough time in my life where I made a poor choice and resorted to too much comfort-food. I made the choice, I put on the weight, now I chose to lose it. As with all things in life you can chose to grab the helping hand of others or you can chose to ignore it. Be positive or not. This blog is all about helping and caring as I see it….Not about getting the entire World to look like supermodels 😉 Thank you SO much for caring Sean 🙂
So I’ve been reading these and your comments, and I’d like to say a few things. I don’t give my opinion a lot, but when I do, I try to be respectful about it. So I’ll be as polite as I can manage.
Upon first reading your first comment, I noticed how… strongly worded you came off as. Using profanity in a public forum where people, as you say, are supposed to be “uplifting” to each other seems to be a tad hypocritical. Now, while I personally don’t mind other people using profanity, I chose to not, believing that it makes the user sound immature. And then we get to the name calling.
“I’d rather be a ****** than a judgmental *** who dislikes people for making their own choices. I could care less if I’m attractive to you. I don’t exist for you. You say “Shine” and then make 1/3 of America feel horrible. Look in the mirror, bud.”
Here you are, preaching about being uplifting and finding your Shine. And you approach this debate with an aggressive argument. That wasn’t necessary. If you disagree with Sean, that’s fine. You are entitled to your opinion. While I respect him, and am willing to take his words into consideration, I also am a very independent person who prefers to make up my own mind using information around me. And after reading your comments on here, I’ve come to the conclusion that I disagree with you. And look. I’m doing so in a calm, collected, respectful way. I even edited the cursing from your quote, staying firm in my belief, staying to to MY Shine.
Now your reply to Sean was much more appropriate and seemed to be well thought out. However, I find fault with your logic. It was very long, so I’ll just address the points I find relevant.
“…And I support your inspirational “shine” mantra, but everyone shines in her own way. Few people shine in EVERY way…”
This is true. But, though I’ve never quite understood “Shinning”, I’ve come to define it as meaning that you don’t excel at something in a way, but that you TRY to excel. Shining is about striving to better yourself, or that’s how I see it. Maybe that’s different from your definition, but either way, from what you said, we both seem to think the term has a positive connotation to it, seeing as you describe the word to be “inspirational”. So why, may I ask, would you come here and try to tear apart something that is part of Sean’s Shine? I don’t think he meant anything in a negative way, and personally, I saw no fault with his posting and took no offense. Either way, Sean was attempting to be motivating to those who may need his message. Whether you needed it or not, there may be people out there who do. And for those people his messaged helped, that just was good on Sean’s part.
“…I’m obese. But I’ve never driven drunk, or cheated on my taxes, or done many other things that are possibly detrimental to others. I’m just tired of the world thinking that those people are acceptable, and I’m not, JUST because I’m fat…”
I’d like to congratulate you for Shining by not doing those things. It’s good that you have a sense of morality. But you say that these things you gave as examples are found to be “acceptable” by society. How so? People go to prison for tax evasion. Drunk drivers have killed people. The person I was named after was an example of that. While I also have never done any of those things, being a teenager who’s too busy studying to get that scholarship I want so badly to go out and party and drink and smoke like many people around me are, I wouldn’t do them if I DID have the time. That’s my belief, and as an American, I have the right to state my beliefs, as do you by claiming that you’re okay with being “obese”, and the same Sean has to spread his belief that people should strive to better themselves. Whether your ideas and mine or his mesh at all is irrelevant. However, if we’re going to interact with each other, and if we disagree, can we at least agree to do it in a mature way? (i.e. remove the name calling).
“…That’s just wrong, Sean. You’re not talking about personal excuses. You’re talking about how society mistreats a group and labels them as unworthy of love and support. Why should I want to “change” for a society that’s so shallow and hateful? I believe you meant the overall message as inspirational, but parts of it sure didn’t seem that way. Nonetheless, thanks for hearing me out…”
Sean gave examples of things he’s heard. Examples that were tasteful in the fact that they didn’t single anyone out by name. A real life experience isn’t always nice and pleasant. Life can be harsh. Not everyone wants to hold hands and sing Kumbaya. For those who do, good for them. For those who don’t, they have that right. Personally, I’d rather have someone be upfront with me than to “spare my feelings.” Because then I can take action. I can live my life. But who are you to tell him his belief is wrong? And like you, Sean is just a person. I don’t see him telling you your belief is wrong. In his replies, he’s been respectful. He’s questioned you, he’s given strong suggestions, but he never denied your right to believe how you want to. You say you believe he meant this message to be inspirational. If his intent was good, if his intent was to, in his own way, reach out to people, doesn’t that mean he cares? Isn’t that a good thing?
For your definition of the word “excuse,” I feel I’ve spoken my piece on that. And as you pointed out, as an American, I have the right to do so. I’m a Conservative Christian. One of my best friends is a gay Liberal. While I may not agree with some of his choices, nor he with mine, we love each other. We’re kind and uplifting to each other. We can agree to disagree respectfully. So, as you can see, I’d have no problem addressing your viewpoint objectively.
“My point: You make people “shine” by lifting them up, not putting them down. Sean knows that, and he usually goes that route, but he slipped this time. That’s all.”
He WAS lifting people up, in his own way. I’m sorry if his intent was not reached to you. Sometimes, I don’t even click with what he’s saying. I’m not a person who has the dedication to go to the gym every day. I’d like to, but with school, I’m very busy with three AP classes. And that’s not an excuse, that’s a fact. Because I still MAKE time to at least be active each day. It may not be to the extent I’d like and I may never be a Victoria’s Secret model, but I manage myself. I’m trying to be healthy, and I’ve found myself trying harder after being inspired by my best friend, Corissa, who also replied to you, and Sean. But it’s the fact I’m trying that matters.
“See? I get nasty when I don’t have my sugar. I just wish more people would live and let live. There are SO many things people do that are morally wrong… why pick on a physical trait?”
You contradicted yourself, my dear. You claim that you want to Shine and be inspirational and that you support the idea. Then you admit to having an “excuse,” because yes, it’s an excuse, to be “nasty.” Sugar didn’t make you have a harsh tone and use profanity. That was a choice you made. And you have that choice. But own up to the fact it was a choice. That’s like saying “This pen made me misspell.”
“Lesson: You shine by doing YOUR best, not by trying to make other people appear dull. Right, Sean?”
Sean has never said in anything I’ve read that Shining is a competition. Maybe he has. I doubt it. If you have a reasonable example, I’d love to see it and take it into consideration. However, as of not having any evidence so, I’m going to go with the belief Sean wasn’t intending to be offensive, but loving in the fact that he cares about the health of those around him. Of each individual. Because that’s what this message was about. It’s not about how others view you. It’s about how you view yourself. And if you’re happy with yourself, I truly mean it, congratulations. Few people find happiness in themselves, myself included.
I do apologies for the length. I just never speak out and today, I felt I needed to. I’ve been dealing with a stressful event. I found out yesterday my cousin has masses in his lungs and that surgery is needed. I’ve been praying all day and I think that maybe I saw this post so that I could impart some love into the world. By no means did I want to disrespect you in any way. If I did, I’m sorry. But I felt that this was something I needed to address. Thank you for your time.
DIRECTED TO COSMO…Perhaps you should look in the mirror. Part of encouraging people to shine is loving them to call them on their shit. Apparently, honesty hits a nerve with you. Your post is ridiculous. Not even offensive. Come on, how old are you? Humility might be a new area of personal development to explore.
I mean, some people do have problems to face, like genetics. But the thing is, it doesn’t make being healthy impossible, it just makes it HARDER. There’s a difference there. I know that I’ve got genetics working against me, but that just means I have to work harder, and the desired results are attainable. The good thing here is that there’s a side effect of having a stronger will.
I did lose focus the past few months. Life things happened, it’s a poor excuse, or not really one at all. (Though I didn’t stop going to my BJJ classes — it was pretty much the only thing that kept me sane.) But now I’m in a new chapter of my life, I’m getting things back into focus, and I can start working harder and making better choices.
Yay for appropriate posts showing up at appropriate times!
Sean love we have had our differences on a couple things in the past. I am so grateful that you kept me on my toes. You were right and I am reaping the benefits of it. Down 75 lbs from 315 lbs to 240 lbs 90 to go til my goal. Got my first stripe in BJJ and go 5 days a week and started Muay Thai. Quit smoking last year quit pop 7 months ago and have a clean healthy diet. I’m happier and healthier and I have my amazing bjj family at the gym. Thank you Sean I love you so very much xx
See? I get nasty when I don’t have my sugar. I just wish more people would live and let live. There are SO many things people do that are morally wrong… why pick on a physical trait?
Normally, I wouldn’t jump in, but I wanted to offer my 2 cents on this.
In my eyes, Sean isn’t picking on people’s physical traits. This isn’t merely a vanity issue. This is about people being healthy and living their lives to the fullest. Sean’s just pointing out the lack of taking accountability for our own actions.
You’re right. There are tons of things people do that are morally wrong. Gluttony is one of them. It is is one of the “Seven Deadly Sins” after all. It may seem ridiculous to say that obesity is a moral issue, but the way I see it, knowingly doing something that is detrimental to your health is one of the worst things you can do. You should care enough about yourself to make decisions that will maximize the limited time you have here on earth.
You can live and let live…Some of us just want to live the best we can for as long as we can.
Being healthy isn’t just about a physical trait though. It’s about having a healthy body as a whole; mentally, physically and emotionally. Maybe I haven’t read all Sean’s blogs yet, but I don’t recall him ever stating that getting a toned body is the only chance you have to be happy. You have to shine from the inside (mentally/emotionally). Unless you’re standing outside with your toned body, butt naked and covered in so much baby oil that the light reflecting off your skin could blind an airplane pilot.
Cosmo, I’ve been reading your comments so far, and I agreed with the first one in some aspects. Maybe it wasn’t the best way to go about getting us all to get off our butts and get out there, but as you rattled on, I became tired of your words. Overall, your replies were…well. TL;DR. Either way, I think at this point, you’re beating a dead horse. Best to put the stick down and walk away.
I also had all of these excuses, now my only excuse is me when I don’t get motivated. I have tried to BLAME others…but I don know they dont stop me…I stop me. Only YOU can make up your mind to GET IT DONE…I havent lost any weight since I started exercising again, but I feel better about me.
I declare that I will never become the person I once was. I dig the healthy me.
Lesson: You shine by doing YOUR best, not by trying to make other people appear dull. Right, Sean?
Debatable. If your supposed “best” is already dull, I’d say by default you’re making others shine. Example in the post above this one. ^
Cosmo,
I’m obese and have use many excuses not to loose wait, including the one you are using now. It’s not about what society wants from us, it is what will make life better for us, screw the rest of the people. I’m a Christian, a virgin, never committed a crime and I’m helpful and sincere. A “Good person”, but why do I have to be an obese “Good person”?
I’ve been on many diets and have cheated on most of them. Why would I stop eating beautiful food, covered in cheese, deliciously juicy and satisfying? Because we are not who we are suppose to be, we were not born to be obese, a little chubby with an ugly nose, sure. But not OBESE. Stop thinking what society wants from us, they didn’t force feed me like a duck for foie gras. I ordered the pizza and I ate it.
I’m still obese after 10 years of trying, there are just so many good excuses, I’ve lost 33 lbs in 10 weeks and nothing is getting easier. I still want that burger, fries and soda. But, I want to fit into the rides at Disney world. I want to fit into the airplane seats, I want to walk through the plane without having the crab walk pushing my ass in every ones face. It is mostly about comfort, you can tell yourself 10 million times you are comfortable, but you know you are not, the body wasn’t meant to function obese.
We are better than this and I don’t care what people say, I want to feel better about myself.
Okay, I just wanted to say Thank you. I have been making excuses for my excuses for a very long time. I was the girl who would complain about my weight as I scarfed down a burger and fries. I come from a family of overweight people and just figured that’s how I would be too. The day I finally decided to stop making excuses was the day I looked into the mirror and cried at the person I had allowed myself to become. I stood on the scale and cried as the number went higher than it ever had before and stopped on a number that was more like the weight of two people. Since that day I have discovered what I knew all along but was not prepared for…this getting healthy stuff is hard work. I just kept telling myself if I could quit smoking cold turkey after 15 years, I could change how I eat no problem. Wrong, wrong and wrong. It takes commitment and a will of steel. I noticed that when I quit smoking everyone was all for it and supported me when I was about to give in. When it comes to food the people in my life, a large part of whom are over weight themselves (not judging, just saying) are a lot quicker to say ” Oh, one piece isn’t gonna kill ya” or “You can’t stick to a diet all the time”. They won’t accept it’s a lifestyle change, not a fad diet. It’s almost as if they are just waiting to see me fail. Then, in the middle of all of the food pushers, comes a little dose of hard hitting reality from you. When I was about to cave you reminded me that it is up to me no matter what anyone else has to say. I am the one that has to make the changes and get myself through it. It’s also nice to know that there is someone out there that is willing serve up a dish of “Quit yer bitchin’ and just do it”. Whenever I need a boost I come back and reread your blogs and walk away with a new sense of I will, instead of the I should that was creeping up. So, Thank You for being a positive voice at a time when I need one the most.
I love this one Sean!!! I think we are all guilty of making excuses, to justify our bad decisions. Since I started reading your blogs I have made it a personal goal to better myself….And I have. I have had my slips here and there with smoking, made excuses to smoke, poor me and so on 🙁 Its hard to even say that knowing you will read this…But its the hard truth. I am sorry to let You and Everybody and even Myself down. To avoid any future disappointments I will not promise anything today, But vow to keep doing my best. I cant Thank You enough for your inspiration to even try to better myself. Thank You for caring. Thank You for saying the harsh truths. Just THANK YOU!!!
Jessica
I would like to TESTIFY.
I promise to start working on liking myself more, in 6 months I will start working on loving myself. My end goal is 50 weeks.
I have an opposite view of the popular “I want someone who will love me just for me” statement. I’m obese, if you love me for who I am at the moment then I don’t think we can be friends.
I will not cheat on my diet, not on my birthday, Christmas or New Years. I will stay on my diet until I have reach 50 weeks. If I am not on my goal weight then I will continue until I am happy with myself. I will stop complaining how hungry I am, how tasteless the food is and how little variety I can eat.
Not tomorrow or Monday, but from right now, because we all know when you are committed to start later, then you are not really committed at all. When a truck is heading straight for you, you don’t say you will move away tomorrow, you move right now. Many times we think, whilst eating a pizza that we should go on a diet, or at Christmas we say we will start on New Years. I always said “The day you take your half eaten burger, throw it in the trash and start your diet and exercise with the taste of that burger still in your mouth, is the day your mind and body won the battle against the fat around you ass.”
Thanks for the website Sean, keep the tough love coming. Love the new article.
Anna Delport, 26, South Africa
“The day you take your half eaten burger, throw it in the trash and start your diet and exercise with the taste of that burger still in your mouth, is the day your mind and body won the battle against the fat around you ass.”
AMEN dear Anna! Your comment both made me smile and and think! THAT comment of yours is dead on right. Commit TODAY and stop the endless stream of excuses <3
This is extremely offensive. I am shocked that you would write something like this because you are so positive and inspiring. This is fat shaming and doesn’t do anything but discourage those who are overweight. Overweight people want to hear motivation not to be torn down especially by someone they look up too. Someone’s emotional state can have a major effect on their eating habits and this isn’t going to make any feel anyone better about themselves. This post contains many offensive statements that can trigger those with eating disorders. I have had to talk my friend, who is has battled bulimia since she was a teenager, out of starving herself because this blog has triggered her. She reads your blog everyday for inspiration because of your positivity. There is nothing motivating or inspiring here. It’s flat out bullying and is more hurtful than helpful. The only point you have made here is your extreme dislike for overweight people. Just because I am a fan I’m not going to kiss your ass and tell how great this fat shaming bullshit is. I sincerely hope that making people feel ashamed of themselves was not your objective here, because this is all that I am taking away from this. Another dig at my self esteem. The post would not be as offensive if you didn’t feel the need to add the digs afterwards. This kind of judgement keeps overweight people from getting help they need because of the ridicule and judgment they often receive in public. Do you secretly judge your overweight fans when they pay for your autograph? This blog entry casts you in a very unflattering light and more importantly is hurtful to the self esteem of the people who say you want to help. I would also like to say I respect your personal opinion, but I felt the need to express how this entry made me and my very close friend feel (she’s too embarrassed to comment herself.) Please do not take this as a personal act attack. I do think that truly want to help people but in this post you took the wrong approach.
It is not fat shaming at all. If anything, it is disrespect for life shaming. It is truth, and anyone who reads it with an objective mind will see it’s sound merits.
Well my friend we are going to have agree to disagree. I don’t think humiliating people into loosing weight is the answer because yes they may change but it doesn’t help cure any self-loathing, depression or self esteem issues they may have. I envision health as a marriage between a healthy body and a healthy mind. I still believe this post could have been better if you took the empowering approaching to encourage weight loss. And I do think it should come with a warning for people who suffer from ED’s. (I am not blaming you personally for my friends condition by any means). I still love ya though.
Have you read ANY of the replies? You and one other are unhappy. EVERY other comment is from people who have decided to make changes for a better lifestyle. I am sorry for your friends issue, but that is your friends issue, not Sean’s. Someone with an eating disorder is going to find an EXC– USE to act on it. That’s what disorders are. If it wasn’t this blog, it would have been some model in a magazine, or some other reason. She needs help for her problem, but most of us just need a good kick in the ass to stop making EXC– USES, not enablers.
Yes, Jessi, I have read ALL of the posts actually. First, I DON”T care if I was the ONLY one or the 100th one who was unhappy. I am not he kind of women to be scared to share my opinion just because it differs from the mainstream. I noticed that ALL the post that were positive were from people well on their journey to better health. I did NOT see any from someone who made the choice to live better today. There was not one person who said “I am going to make the change today.” The title of this post shows it was more directed at the people who still NEED to make that first step not for people who I already have started their journey to better health.
Furthermore, I never said these weren’t EXC– USES. I have been guilty of many of them myself. But I have made the change and recently celebrated 20 pounds of weight loss. My issue with the post was its DELIVERY. I think It would have been more inspiring and would have reached it’s INTENDED audience if after every excuse instead of a PUT DOWN, Sean could have used a success story of someone who over came their EXC– USES, maybe one of his students? This post only displays EXC– USES (and insults) it does NOT tell you how to OVERCOME them. I would have loved to have seen this post take action, but it never does. It only touches on the problem but DOES NOT PROVIDE THE SOLUTION.
Lastly, I NEVER blamed Sean’s for my friends disorder either. I thought he would like to know that it triggered her because not everyone is familiar with eating disorders or the struggles of someone who is battling one. When posting health related content I think people should be mindful when it comes to people with eating disorders. That’s just my opinion after seeing someone suffer from the condition. My friend BATTLES her disorder EVERYDAY, to say she is looking for an excuse to give in is very offensive and shows just how UNEDUCATED the majority of society is about eating disorders. You are also very wrong in assuming a model on a magazine would trigger her. She could give two shits what a model has to say, because their words have no weight in her mind. But Sean’s thoughts and words do because she admires him so much. I respect Sean for what he is trying to do for people but I’m still going to express my opinion in a respectful manner. I just wish he would have provided SOLUTIONS to the problem instead of put downs.
Sean did not put anyone down, on the contrary he is trying to lift people up and the problem is you and your friend do not like the truth of his words.
Sean has previously talked about the solution. If you truthfully have read anything he has written you would already know this. Other people have shared how they accomplished it as well in their blog comments.
The solution is: 1.) Stop eating garbage food 2.) Eat healthy food in portions that are appropriate for your body, and 3.) Move (walk, jog, bike swim … whatever it takes).
Any objections to the simple and honest answer are just EXC– USES!!
Mireille, when in my post did I ever say they were not excuses? In fact in my response to Jessi I agreed that they in are in fact very much so. I have been respectful in the comments that I have made, but I do not appreciate your attack on me as a person. You don’t know my journey. The point I am trying to make is this is the first post a new person will see when they come to Sean’s blog. He is loosing his target audience. This post is directed to those who have not taken the steps to better living. The normal response to humiliation is to shut down. How are going to get to the posts about healthy living and doing better when they are met with a post that only point out all the the flaws they already know they have? I just think there could have been more to this post. I never said he was wrong but he went about it in the wrong manner. There is a difference between criticism and constructive criticism. This post is lacking the constructive part. For new follower to Sean’s blog they may never get past this post. I commented because I know Sean cares and he wants to hear feedback from his fans. I still stand by my opinions and I still respect Sean for wanting to help people. If Sean didn’t want to hear people’s honest opinions he wouldn’t have a comment section.
Crystal,
You said, “I did NOT see any from someone who made the choice to live better today. There was not one person who said “I am going to make the change today.” Go back and read the comments on the previous blog posts, or follow along on Twitter and you will see exactly those types of comments from people.
I have seen people complain and react very poorly to Sean’s blogs … only to have them come back at a later time and say “Thank you, Sean for that kick in the @ss, you helped me realize I had a weight problem”
Do they know they are fat? Why are they not taking action to fix the problem then?
The hard truth is that most fat people are in denial of the unhealthy state they are in. They need the kick in the proverbial backside to get them to wake-up and face the truth.
Many people sugar coat things and tell them it is OK to be fat. They give being fat cute names like “chubby” or “curvy” … when there is absolutely nothing cute about being fat. Being fat is the real shame because those people are shortening their life … the greatest gift we have.
Sean knows very well that he stands to lose fans because of his blogs and the no nonsense, truthful way he talks about the fat epidemic in our society.
An estimated 300,000 people die each year in the US from fat related diseases: http://www.surgeongeneral.gov/library/calls/obesity/fact_consequences.html
That is roughly the equivalent of having the entire city of Pittsburgh (population 306,211) dropping dead each year. If those numbers are not of epidemic proportions, then I do not know what is.
Sean will not coddle anyone or sugar coat things to spare their feelings, that will not help them at all.
“Today we’re going to talk about some hard truths. What we’re NOT going to do… is hold hands and sing. -Sean Patrick Flanery”
(https://shineuntiltomorrow.com/general/the-unfortunate-metrics-for-humanity/ )
Sean is taking the risk because he stands a very good chance of saving people’s lives and saving a life is worth hurting the feelings of a few people who are not willing or ready to face their problems.
Sean is a talented and skilled person, but he cannot, nor should he be taking care of everyone else’s responsibilities.
“Welcome to the RESPONSIBILITY REVOLUTION… we’ve saved you a seat. Choose health. Choose responsibility. Choose LIFE. -Sean Patrick Flanery” https://shineuntiltomorrow.com/general/okay-get-your-hate-hats-on-cause-here-i-go-again-sean-patrick-flanery/
Sean giving everyone the solution to all their problems washes their hands of THEIR responsibility for their own life. How convenient for them … first they get coddled, then they do not have to take care of themselves, and finally they get to blame someone else for their failures. Where is the responsibility in that?
People need to take start educating themselves on healthy eating, exercise, and having healthy minds. With resources like the internet and books, there is absolutely no reason a person cannot start learning how to and work towards being healthier. (Free resources are everywhere so having no money is not a reason to research for information)
Sean always encourages people who take responsibility for their health and their lives. I am certain the he will continue to do so.
And he will always welcome people’s opinions whether he agrees with them or not.
I don’t know why are your being argumentative. Everyone has the right to express their opinion. I also think you have blown this way out of portion. Also I never mentioned any other posts. I was speaking only to this one here. I never said he was wrong in what he was saying but it was coming over in an offensive manner. You can tell the truth with out sugar coating and still provide motivation. As I mentioned in my above posts I have already started my journey to healthy living by following a plan together with my doctor and nutritionist, but thank you for posting information anyway. I still stand my ground though and I still respect you and Sean.
Crystal,
What celebrity would give a shit enough to do what it takes to get people’s attention to try to literally save their lives…I can think of…..wait……NOBODY.
You should be looking the mirror and thanking him. I can’t tell you how many clients I have that have cursed at me, even yelled at me, said I scared the shit out of them. They all thanked me.
You have a celebrity who you admire…and he gives a shit about you. Be grateful, dammit!
I’ve been seeing a lot of posts like these recently; how to find happiness with yourself, no more excuses and it should show that there is a trend right now to actually start taking better care of ourselves. It’s not just about going to the gym; it’s about getting outside, turning off the computer, walking away from the tv…skipping that starbucks treat and going for an apple instead. However, does anyone out there have advice for a mom who struggles with intense inner pain after even minor exercise such as walking? Motivating people is great; how about throwing out some basic work out suggestions along with it? For the working parent, what’s a workout that can be done while sitting at the desk?
There are some wonderful breathing exercises that you can do at your desk that will really tax your abs!!
Any particular video or how to that you would suggest for that?
I’d love to know what some of those breathing exercises are… If you can share a link or suggest a video, that would be great!
Search “deep esophagus breathing”
Oh, my god that was funny. “deep esophagus breathing” I think you are like a best friend. Best friends are honest, if you ask “do I look fat”? they say yes. I lost 2lbs this week. At exercise class the other night Jackie the instructer told me to get up front and push harder. No hiding in the back. She gets in your face. I love her. Everyone knows what they have to do to be healty. You need to do the work. Plain and simple. As always thanks for the honesty Sean. You are like having another friend in your corner. Keeping it real. I can always use another friend on my side.
I did, but nothing came up. However I found abdominal breathing.. I am pretty sure that is what I need… Thanks for the tip and all the best to you in 2014! God Bless!
hahahaha, just clued in.. Better late than never… GOD BLESS!!!
And anyway, I knew you meant abdominal, I was just too chicken S@#$ to say so cuz you know you’re the boss, or whatever… hehehe 😉 I’m good now.. wont do that again… Happy 2014!
When I was working behind a desk I had a small under the desk bike I used. It works via resistance, is only about a foot and a half wide, about 5 pounds and costs $25 at supercenters. Fits right under your feet below your desk! I love it. My patients would come in and give me the funniest looks though when I would be peddling. 🙂
Agree with the post Sean…I have done yo-yo diets all my life.
With Pre-Diabetes in my future, & a “sister” diagnosed in the last 90 days, I have made a mind shift. I am a food addict. I have had to take the food googles off and embrace “eat to Live” not “Live to eat” (Finally). I can drop weight, that is not an issue. It was the subtle, or maybe not too subtle mind shift that is making it possible for me.
The only thing you let out is we have to make that mind change for any transformation to happen.
Once you are done with the BS excuses, once you make up your mind to change, to transform, you Can do it. I am 30 # down to prove it and have a lot more to go.
Thanks for all the encouraging words & keep em coming! 🙂
I suffered a sports injury that damaged my hip, was off and limping for over a year, put on weight and lost all motivation. Now I’ve had to give up my passion of running, and might not be able to kick-box again. That sucks, but I just had to find other forms of exercise! Now I’ve started wall-climbing and working out at the gym (elliptical, bike, weights). In just 2 months I’ve thinned down, put on all the muscle I had lost, and am on my way to having the same flexibility I had before.
My point is, one of my major joints has suffered partly irreparable (not to mention extremely painful) damage and I’ve had to give up my two favourite forms of exercise…
Considering that, it would have been easy for me to make excuses, and trust me at times I did, but realized in the end: if you are physically capable of doing something, whatever it is, then just fu*#in’ do it.
My aunt always says that I shouldn’t be worried about my weight. I disagree. There are people fatter than me at school and they remind me everyday that I DO NOT WANT TO BE LIKE THEM. Lately I’ve been compiling music and then going out and jumping on the trampoline and doing crunches (i find them exceedingly fun). I DO still walk from time to time. We have a PE teacher who is like you. (I think you guys would get along actually.)
He’s served in Iraq, totally and completely concerned with our fitness and health, and is making us do things the girls complain about (exercising in other words). I love it. Now all we need is music. I have found that exercising is better with music. For me, metal and alternative. It kinda sets a tone. Like classical sets a peaceful, more relaxed tone (for yoga probably), country is…Well nevermind. I don’t listen to it enough. Metal sets a hard tone that makes me WANT to push myself (Black Veil Brides lately. In The End. Check it out! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aP97IrLBozM). Which is probably why I was on that trampoline doing those crunches till 8. (started at 6 and included jumping too. Wasn’t all JUST crunches.)
And hey, guess what!? YOU got me started. Otherwise I would have been sitting on my lazy butt all day doing absolutely NOTHING. I mean I would have started saying “Well I want to get healthy but what’s my reason? I’m fine the way I am. This isn’t a gut! This is a protective covering for my rock hard abs!”
NO. NO IT ISN’T. IT’S BULL CRAP I’M TRYING TO PULL ON MYSELF. Ha ha ha. So anyway, thanks. A LOT.
Much love. Keep it rocking!
~Maggie =)
In my experience, I had to address the psychological issues that led to being unhealthy.
I’m still the same person today, just a more accepting and joyful one.
First, I was this:
“The hatchet must fall on the block; the oak must be cleft to the centre. The weight of the world is on my shoulders. Here is the pen and the paper; on the letters in the wire basket I sign my name, I, I, and again I.”
― Virginia Woolf, The Waves
And now, in complete wonder and awe of the woman I am, this:
“From his shoulder on down, the Rat felt the supple weight of her body. An odd sensation, that weight. This being that could love a man, bear children, grow old, and die; to think one whole existence was in this weight.”
― Haruki Murakami, Pinball, 1973
Be kind to yourself and others.
As a nurse, I so adore that you are being an advocate for primary prevention which is “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure”. Thanks, Sean, for inspiring us to be the masters of their own fate, and to love life and ourselves!
In the past I also didn’t think I could do it, have struggled with weight even at a young age. I finally challenged myself and feel pretty dang good. I have dropped over 30 pounds and 6 sizes 😉 I really do thank you Sean for being there with your words of wisdom. Yes sometimes people don’t want to hear the truth but you just have to tell it like it is. Trust me if I can do it anyone can. Take care.
Congrats and well wishes on your loss 🙂
Ok that’s it, I’m soapboxing this. Fact #1 the longer any of us stay over weight the more we limit our life expectancy. Fact #2 (sean if I’m wrong feel free to call me out) Sean is merely expressing the fact that we all can take one good look in the mirror and face the fact that there is better we can do for ourselves. Fact #3 There is no one and I MEAN NO ONE that can write a blog and effect you so intensely if you already don’t have issues with yourself.
Don’t fly off the handle that Sean is “mean, rude, inappropriate” because frankly there needs to be more.people out there willing to speak the truth and tell us all what we need to hear. We grow up in a society where everything is made not to offend or to “candy coat” the truth. Guess what life takes work deal with it!! And finally before I step down from my soapbox I will say that Sean isn’t telling us all to be supermodel skinny and a “ceetain” way…he’s telling us that he wants to see a more healthy world around him, and I don’t care who you are you can’t refute that that’s a positive life view he wants to see for all he cares about.
Perfectly put!!
I wanted to write in response to the negative comments….I don’t think Sean cares what you weigh ..he cares if you are healthy!! Over a yr ago I began trying to get back to the old me, the one I liked seeing the mirror….somewhere I had listened to all my excuses and let my body turn into this thing that I didn’t really recognize. So I began wogging (jogging so slow I could have been walking) and eating better, I gave up soda and cut my junk food WAY back ….this summer I had a break down because I hadn’t lost but 7 lbs….I now run 2 miles and day and track my calories ect …and here I was standing crying at my kitchen sink just 7 lbs lighter. Then I measured …I am down a total of 10 inches and went from 31% YIKES body fat to as of today 25.7 % I am not where I want to be but everyday I am one step closer…so weight isn’t it it is the fact that everyday I get up and my body doesn’t hurt from the lack of activity …some days it hurts from workouts but I like that hurt much more than the aches from sitting on my butt!…..Thanks You Sean for the motivation!
I’ve been reading all the comments here. The aftermath. And I wouldn’t normally jump back in, but I find I have something to add. My understanding of this blog post was that Sean was not pointing out the state of being unhealthy so much as the state of mind regarding it. Each excuse was coupled with a parenthetical CONTRADICTING ACTION. That is where the LIE comes in to play. Saying you can’t do something while doing the exact opposite is the lie. We all have limitations. But it’s the TRYING to exceed them that makes us prove what we CAN do. Not pointing out what we can’t. And WHEN you achieve something you never thought possible…a whole knew shift in perception starts. Any mount of weight, no make how much, is still lost one pound at a time. And that’s a decision made every minute of everyday. For LIFE. Now, where to I put this soapbox now that I’m done with it…?
Solid use of a soapbox there!!!
Well, thank you. I’m glad you think so! <3
Wow, there seem to be many people who are upset by this particular post! I guess you weren’t lying when you said to “get your hate hats on” now were you, Sean? So I would like to say my piece on some of the issues some of you seem to be having. First, I didn’t become fat until after I got pregnant. I was always a 125lbs before that. By the end of my pregnancy, I was 190. Instead of going down, I continued going up toping out at 220lbs. And this was MY FAULT. While I didn’t have 2 nannies *looking at Sean* But what I did have was the excuse that I had just had a baby. My daughter was 5 and I still tried using that excuse. It was only by admitting I was FAT (not chunky, curvy, or any other way you want to make fat sound cute), that I was able to start losing the weight the first time. Yes. I gained it back after my second pregnancy. And then I gained more because food was good. I went right back to 220lbs before I realized I couldn’t do this. I saw one person write that people who comment on THIS blog, are well on their way to losing weight already. While this is true for me… it was because of one of Sean’s OTHER blogs… one that I quite distinctly remember having the line “Calling out the fatties in hopes of elongating lives”… that made me start taking a real look at myself. To stop with the excuses and admit that I was to blame for my weight. Something I had never done before. Not even the first time I lost weight. And this WAS before I was “well on my way to losing weight.” Now I also saw someone state that they’d “rather be a fatass than a judgmental ass” but then, thats not completely true now is it? You became hypocritical the moment you started judging this blog post. But that aside, larger people by nature are judgmental. Now, I know that this might garner some backlash, but its true. We judge the skinny bitch who just walked by in that outfit that we swear makes her look like a slut, but secretly we wish we could wear it. We get angry with our men if we think they’re checking out anyone who might be remotely smaller than us. We judge skinny people who try to help us get healthy, because “they don’t know what its like.” So yeah… saying you’d rather be a fatass than judgmental when you’re actually both doesn’t work. Also, I saw people up in arms about the Thyroid statement. I will be the first to admit that Thyroid disease is very real. But it doesn’t define you. It doesn’t give you a free pass to be unhealthy either. And before you get all “what would you know about it?!” I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism 4 years ago. It doesn’t make losing weight and being healthy impossible, it just means that you have to work harder. I myself am 145lbs. At some point you have to stop using the disease as your excuse. What some of you seem to miss is that Sean was not trying to shame anyone, nor was he trying to humiliate anyone. And if you thought so, then you missed the point of the blog. Sean has a brutal honesty that quite frankly I wish more people had. And if you felt offended, then I suggest you scroll back up and find out which excuse it was that he called you out on for using, and rethink some things. We live in a society where the word is FAT is taboo due to the idea that it might offend someone. But to me . . . trying to make your death sentence sound cute by using words like chunky, plump, or curvy . . . thats what should be found offensive. Sorry, that ended up longer than I meant it to be.
It took my gall bladder failing and me almost dying to stop lying to myself. I wish I’d just read this! Thank you Sean, for the reminder and the inspiration always. I’m a single mom of a 12 year old boy and while it should be easy to remember that I’m important, for some reason feeling that way is hard. I don’t tell people I’m fat (because they don’t know by looking at me) but I know I am, though I’m 30 lbs down so far, I still have lots more to go, but I’m going to make it because I have to.
Thank you for reminding me to shine.
<3 Jennifer
Sean, You are right as rain. I was in good enough shape without having to put forth much effort my whole life, and once I hit 40, it has been a rude awakening for the past couple of years. I have no self discipline, since I never needed any for the most part because I looked and felt fine, and as a result am feeling 80 at 43. Every time I read your latest post, it is so relevant to where I am right here, right now, that I really am thankful for whatever inspired you to shine your light on anyone willing to read it and take from it your genuine intention, which is to help motivate people to do their best to be healthy- because quantity of life means nothing if the quality of it is miserable. I am on the cusp of either continuing to let this 70 pounds I’ve gained in less than 3 years, inhabiting a body I don’t recognize and can barely function in physically (not to mention the high blood pressure and high cholesterol that I have to take medication for now as a result) and I’ve felt like an outsider looking in on my own life with disbelief- I mean, not even in denial as much as just a spectator watching it all unfold before my eyes paralyzed with fear- and I’m at the point where I have to really turn it around in a drastic way or…there really isn’t another viable option. When you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired, you do something to change it, but it blows that I had to get sick and tired in the first place, but everything is crystal clear in hindsight. I somehow found your blog toward the end of last year and it was so real…almost surreal at the time and I always get something extremely positive out of it. You’re a guy who is into health and fitness- like it is part of who you are- and the fact that you take the time to share your passion for a healthy lifestyle with those who need it most- not as a self-righteous fitness guru, but as a person who has something to share with people because you actually do care about people. Only a sincerely decent person could have given such a powerful performance in Powder- I saw it a couple of years ago for the first time- and then happened to see the Boondock Saints like a month after that by pure coincidence, and I was like, “this guy is special” and you are so much better than more glorified actors, but I see that as a blessing because then I couldn’t read Shine until tomorrow and you couldn’t spend as much time on your other passions (BJJ, inspiring unhealthy people to want to be healthy and healthy people to stay that way, spending quality time with Donut, etc.)- so with that being said…Thank you! I want to give you a big fat hug (literally)- but that won’t be my story much longer- it wasn’t my story for 40 years and now it is and I am working on turning it around. You are such a positive inspiration. Anyone who could be offended by what you have to say just doesn’t get you and that is their misfortune. I don’t see you as a hard ass, I see you as a refreshingly honest person and you say what you say to motivate people, not judge them. What judgmental jerk would waste their time even writing a blog period? People who judge people by their weight (or whatever superficial reason) don’t care about those people, they ignore them. That’s the worst thing about excuses- they blind you from seeing the truth and that is the only beauty that exists in this life.
Sean, i have just recently started a new healthy eating plan . Thank you for the motivation even though it seems some people think it maybe a bit harsh. Some people (me included ) just need that liitle nudge . I have been doing it for a couple of weeks now and will continue on as i know my body will thank me in the long run. I am a full time carer too my daughter who has special needs and want to be able to look after her for a very long tiime.
Dear Sean ;
I read your blog and I absolutely agree with you.
When I was 15 , my weight was 60 kg ( I’m sorry , I don’t know weight in english, I’m French !)
for 150 cm !
I felt so sad and so ugly when I looked in the mirror !
Now , I’m 43 years old , and my weight is 47 kg for (always) 150 cm ( I know , I’m very little!)
I’m so happy !
I walk every day. My food is well-balanced (vegetables, fruits, starchy food, meat and fish).
I read your blog every day !
Sean ! You gave me a lot of strenght and you gave me too a self-confidence that I haven’t before !
For this Thanks So Much !
Please take care about you !
Take care only people who wants to help by you !
Let the others behind you !
You are a wonderful Human Being !
God bless you , and Shine Until Tomorrow !
Claire
🙂 <3
I’ve tried getting into shape, I’m not overweight, still “technically” in my weight range but I’m not happy with myself. My problem is that I am so terribly introverted that I can’t make myself go to the gym alone, even though I have a membership to a pretty nice gym where everyone is so nice to everyone else. I was going with my fiancé but when school started up again I have class all morning and then I work evenings and he’s in bed by the time I get off. I didn’t need him in the same room even. It’s mildly pathetic but knowing someone I know was in the gym was enough to get me there. I have started regulating how much I eat, I was, still am a bit but I’m working on it, but I was a terrible bored eater, now I eat when I am actually hungry and I make sure I drink water more than anything. I’m trying but it’s hard to break down the mental barriers to get to working on physical issues. My mom gets a giggle out of the fact that I don’t pull my asthma as an excuse but basically being shy, that’s what I blame. I realize now I just have to get over it but it’s going to be tough…
I am overweight and working on it with healthy eating and exercise. I have a long way to go and it’s going to be hard work! When I read this blog I thought “geez, he really hit that right on the nail didn’t he :)” I didn’t think “oh poor me, sean’s picking on fat people”. If what is written in the blog makes you or any of the rest of the “1/3” feel bad about themselves, maybe that’s because what he says is true and you aren’t ready to admit it. So, you can take this as a “poor me” blog and defend your fat cells or if you are ready to stop making excuses, print this blog out and put it on your wall as a daily reminder that there are no excuses.
You have to be ready to make the change and it has to be for you and no one else! Thanks for the inspiration and slap in the face to wake me up! 😉
“Character cannot be developed in ease & quiet. Only through experience of trial & suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired & success achieved” ~ Helen Keller
My interpretation? Get off your ass & work on your goals 😉
As someone who never struggled with weight, I never had any excuses. I always thought being in the standard weight for height meant I was fine. Turns out, not so much.
I smoked for literally decades. Ate whatever I wanted, pregnant or not. Still wouldn’t be called even slightly overweight.
Then my dad came close to death. He had surgery to remove the blockage in both of his carotid arteries. He was within 6 months of a stroke.
This made me get my cholesterol checked. It was so high, my doctor immediately put me on medication.
I am not big on taking meds but she insisted because I had no real weight problem, this would be the only thing that would help.
I decided that couldn’t be true. I am only 41 and don’t want to take a medication for the rest of my life.
So I chose to stop smoking. Then I changed my diet. Instead of eating fast food and basically crap, I now read the labels on everything and buy fresh produce. I cut out the red meat and eat more fish.
Then I stopped taking the medication.
6 weeks later, my numbers are back where they should be.
I may not have a supermodel body (6 kids) but I have been inspired by your message as well as scared that my kids will have to see me in a hospital after very invasive surgery.
No more excuses.
Thank you Sean for being you. <3
Hey! On April this year I started improving my daily diet and dancing with a videogame (Just Dance 4). I am 26 now, but since I am 13 or 14 my weight has been 80 kilos, but now I’m 73, I feel better, even my skin is better, now I can use clothes that I never thought I could. I have been overweight all my life, and now I finally feel good with my body. I still have work to do, but I thank you for the inspiration through all this time. (By the way, I’m not a native speaker of English, so I apologise for any mistake on my comment). Lots of love for everybody!!!
Sean, I applaud your ability to stem the raging tide with an even keel. The theme you mention transcends diet or bad habits. It is not about low self-esteem or public opinion. This is an expose’ of the deepest root of any problem. It is about free will. It takes a brave man with perspicacity to realize he can help the masses by presenting himself as a lone target. What may seem like a personal attack to some will be a wake up call for others. I think we have all learned a lot about ourselves. I have learned that I have made too many excuses in life and now my time has come. I have a movie idea with a plethora of characters. I wonder how busy you are these days …
I think we should meet and discuss our futures in the movie business at The Joint in LA at your surprise birthday party! heh heh Completely casual, of course.
I will be wearing one of my new Boondock Saints shirts.
Waddy Wachtel will be performing at 10 PM … I do have a ticket for you if you want to go. I want to invite all the people I know who know you that might come. I am telling them it is your surprise party, so please act surprised! Ha! I know this is short notice and that you and your wife may have made plans… in that event, I will still be there! I hope you have a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
When you re-tweeted and endorsed that fan’s comment about being fat, I wasn’t opposed to the idea of losing weight for health per se, but the wording seemed harsh to me. So, being a stupid and naïve moron, I replied about it being triggery to people with eating disorders. I was immediately torn apart like a rabbit in a wolf den. When I tried to explain how the tone can encourage EDs and mentioned that I myself have an ED, the same fan you re-tweeted started lecturing me on losing weight and gave me diet tips. Let me repeat this–she told a person with an eating disorder to diet. This is like telling an alcoholic to drink a glass of wine for their heart health, or telling someone who self-injures the best way to cut. And while this was happening, only one person suggested that maybe it’s a bad idea to intentionally trigger a person with an eating disorder. Everyone else, including you Sean because I’m sure you read the responses, endorsed this abuse of me via their silence.
Now I wasn’t triggered by the initial re-tweet, but I was concerned about those who might be. After getting eviscerated, I was. My ED is the starving/purging type, meaning I would starve and when I did eat, I’d purge it. I didn’t binge, because I figured purging a normal amount of food as opposed to the large amounts in a binge would result in my body absorbing fewer calories. Also, my self-hatred was so strong, I felt guilty about eating even small amounts of any kind of food, so binging would’ve been impossible for me to imagine. Granted that didn’t stop me from seeing any calorie intake as a binge. There’s something uniquely messed up about feeling guilty for eating an apple. But anyway, that night I came the closest to purging in years. Probably the only thing that stopped me was that there wasn’t anything in my stomach.
Now someone above said that people with EDs look for excuses to relapse. That is blatantly untrue. People w/EDs would sell their soul to not have a constant voice telling them their fat, worthless, and don’t deserve to eat. And I’m sure some here will think I’m weak and making excuses. Well here’s the thing–it’s easy for me to starve. First off, I don’t have a huge appetite normally, so going to eating very little or no food at all isn’t a big step for me. Yeah, it’s painful, but not as painful as the pain of being hated. In our society, starving-type EDs are only bad if the sufferer becomes extremely thin. But if they’re still normal weight or even overweight, their ED is encouraged. And even the ones who become emaciated have sometimes found that when they’re in recovery and gaining weight, people will tell them to go on a diet. So with all that crap, it’s very easy to give in to the ED. The real challenge is fighting this while knowing that people would prefer I starve myself because hey, at least I’d be thinner. I actually count calories not to eat less, but to make sure I hit the minimum of 1200 because it’s easy for me to go under that. What’s hard is making myself eat when my ED is screaming in my ear that I don’t deserve to. What’s hard is not going to the bathroom to hork up a peanut-butter-on-whole-wheat sandwich because to me that’s a huge meal. So yeah, props to everyone who’s motivating themselves to exercise when they’re tired or choose the carrot sticks over carrot cake, but remember willpower comes in other forms as well.
Assuming you haven’t just written me off as some whining pig, I do ask you to consider your tone. I mean, dude, you’re in Hollywood, surely you know actors and actresses who’ve been pushed into EDs because of all the bs out there, and I’m sure you’ve seen that those EDs are often implicitly and even explicitly encouraged. I suggest you read one of the pro-ana blogs out there (assuming you yourself won’t be triggered) because a good portion of what you said in this post is very similar to stuff I’ve seen on pro-ana and mia blogs. That alone ought to be (cliché warning) food for thought.
I am that fan and not that I owe an explanation to you but have many friends with severe eating disorders that I help and counsel with weight loss and finding alternatives to the distructive way they are trying to do it. In fact I’ve help 1 lose over 100 pounds in the last 18 months so wether or not you take my advice is your choice but being cruel? Not at all just trying to help like I’ve helped others.
Good luck xx
I never asked for your advice. You forced It on me. First lesson in helping people is don’t force it on them. With your friends you have extensive knowledge of their habits and minds but with me you had a snapshot, yet you felt confident in telling me how to diet even though I expressly said my ED involves eating too little, not too much. Of course, you probably assume I’m lying and I devour chili dogs and whole pizzas daily as said in this original post. At least it seems like you think I’m lying since you gave advice on eating less to a person with anorexic habits. I’m guessing your counseling is an amateur deal, because if you have been professionally trained, you were swindled because counseling does not involve deliberately triggering people. And deliberately triggering someone especially when they’ve explicitly said that something triggers them is cruel. Again, if someone tells you that saying statement X triggers them, and you immediately say statement X, it’s not helpful to say the very least.
As for losing weight, that is between me and my doctor. For the record, a medication change two years ago has had the side effect of making me lose weight and said medication does not come in the form of someone telling me I’m ugly and disgusting (remember, your exact quote was that fat isn’t cute or healthy, which implies that in your mind a fat person is the opposite of cute, i.e., ugly).
This blog is about health, and I certainly hope you find yours. But, accusing me of being pro-anorexia or pro-bulemia is utter nonsense. Give your head a shake. God bless.
Exactly. People keep getting caught up on the word “Fat”. I have fat, but I am not fat. People need to figure out their BMI and get in that range.
Being fat can be subjective. I’m 5’4 and 120lbs. Someone can look at me and think I am fat, but I know I’m not. When I was 5’4 and 163.. That was another story. I’m in a very healthy range and I’m happy. As someone pointed out before, people will always judge you. I’m my own worst critic and where I am right now gets “Two thumbs up.”
I think you look amazing, Caitlin!! So proud of you for sticking with your goals of being healthier. x
Thanks, M!!!! <3 Same to you!!! You've done INCREDIBLY well yourself!!!
P.S. I'm on week two soda free and I have no intention of turning back. 🙂
Woot..!!!!!! 🙂 🙂
Right on!
Thank you, Heather! I wish you the very best on your personal journey to better health! <3
I don’t believe you’re being intentionally triggery, but nevertheless it is there. This society hates fat people; just ask any size acceptance activist about the kind of emails they get. It’s nigh impossible to not be at least unconsciously influenced by that. I actively fight that kind of thinking and yet sometimes I find myself thinking the same exact things about people who are fatter than I am. So it’s not impossible that you might have those thoughts without realizing it. And some of the things you said above–like characterizing fat/overweight people as eating 1000 calorie fast-food meals or eating entire pizzas, or making comments about muffin tops, or commenting about a fat woman being single for years (the implied message being that her fat makes her too ugly for love)–are things I’ve seen on thinspiration/pro-ana/mia blogs and tumblrs. I started to seek out sites where they said things that were nearly verbatim to some of your comments, but had to stop for my sanity. Again, I’m not accusing you of being deliberately triggery. Fat hatred is strongly entrenched in US culture and one would have to be a hermit to avoid it. You’re starting with good intentions but the message got borked due to unconscious biases. The question is are you going to pause and examine the possibility of your having some bias or disregard it.
“And some of the things you said above–like characterizing fat/overweight people as eating 1000 calorie fast-food meals or eating entire pizzas,”
Sorry to be writing that to your comment, as quite a few people have made the same mistake, but:
He never generalized fat people in general of doing this or that. He just said the cases where he got certain excuses from people were all too obviously excuses, because the people making them were doing these things. That’s all there is.
I am going to assume from the hints you have left in this comment that you are “crystal” from previous comments (since there are none by a “cowsharky”). Umm…can you point out where anyone tore you apart like a rabbit in a wolf den? Or Eviscerated you? Or abused you? Because I just reread them all, and yours were the only ones that contained foul language, and were far more “personal” than the others. Nobody called you names, or made passive aggressive digs at you (“Just because I am a fan I’m not going to kiss your ass and tell how great this fat shaming bullshit is”-“Do you secretly judge your overweight fans when they pay for your autograph?”) Simply disagreeing with you is NOT attacking you. And, for the record, I did not say people with ED’s are LOOKING for an excuse, I said they will FIND one. This comment is a perfect example. You KNEW, based on your first comment, that this could possibly trigger you, yet you kept coming back until it did trigger you, and now you’re upset by your relapse or almost relapse and want us to take responsibility for it. Nobody forced you to read this, or to comment, or to read the replies. etc. These are choices you made. You chose to be as offended as you possibly could. I’m really not trying to minimize what you are experiencing, I’m just saying not everyone feels that way. Some of us appreciate the harsh honesty Sean doles out and even need it. If you don’t, then don’t read it. That simple.
I’m not crystal. I’m new to commenting here because this is the first time I read this blog. I’ve followed Sean’s twitter for a year or two, and I’ve seen many messages from him about weight. The recent messages from him plus the comments he re-tweeted are the first times I noticed the message going from encouragement to insulting. The evisceration I refer to happened on Twitter, not here, hence your confusion. As for the comments you attribute to me, only crystal can answer that. If you believe I’m lying, I’m sure there are ways you can find out if her posts and mine come from the same ISP/computer.
Jessi what are you, 12? Why would I post under two differ names? I have better things to do with my life then make up a bunch of fake names to post under on Sean Patrick Flanery’s blog. That is extremely juvenile and disrespectful to the person who shared her feelings. You know there is a real person behind that comment expressing her real feelings. I am not cowsharky because she is referring to a incident that happened on twitter. I have not received any tweets from Sean or his fans. I think you have your panties in a bunch because more than one person questioned Sean Patrick Flanery. It is one thing to express your opposition to something, its another thing to say that a person is just looking for excuses is bulling them for thinking differently then you. For the record Sean uses the word bullshit in the title so I figured we’re all adults here and I could just speak as plainly as he did. This post does make me question if Sean judges overweight people and I am entitled to express that opinion, under my one and only account. Just because I am his fan doesn’t mean I have to agree with everything he says or does. I am not a Stepford fan. Further more I have expressed my respect and admiration for Sean is my posts. If he felt that I was disrespecting him he would have blocked me from his website.
Wow. Crystal, you really need to learn how to disagree with people with out being insulting. Cowsharky, so sorry for the confusion of thinking you were the same person, but you can see where what was written (by both of you) could lead to that conclusion. Looking back now, yours is not nearly as confrontational, so again, I apologize for confusing the two of you. At no point in ANY of my comments have I called anyone one names or been deliberatley nasty. Yes, you are entitled to your opinions, and to express them, and so am I. However, If you can’t handle a little disagreement, you probably shouldn’t be posting. Sean DID NOT write this to people with ED’s, and frankly it’s impossible to write ANYTHING with out being offensive to one group or another. I’ll just reitterate, SOME OF US NEED HIS KIND OF HONESTY. If you don’t, don’t read it. Personally, he has changed my life (for the better) with his writing.
Cowsharky, just want to say how proud I am of you. I have been with my fiancee for 14 years this October and I was there for her when she went threw her darkness moment with her ED. I am so glad you didn’t purge today. That just shows how strong you are, even in a your darkness time. You are a survivor. I want to say how courageous you are for voicing your opinion even though it differs from the mainstream. Some of the fans on here full on bully those who question Sean. I totally see where you are coming that this could be triggering. I think that Sean is a very passionate person and he can get to overly aggressive because he is human and can make mistakes. Amanda has gotten better because she has a great support system. I would like to offer you my support and would love to get to know you. This is my twitter feel free to contact me if you need someone to just to listen or want to chat @Oceaneyez86, I run a Norman Reedus fan blog on Tumblr too. Gotnorman.tumblr.com my ask box is always open to everyone. Again I am proud of you, and remember to be good to yourself.
Thanks Crystal. I’m glad your fiancée is doing better too. It’s like depression in that there are peaks and valleys in how one’s doing and this stuff happened during a valley. Take care.
Hi, I’m no expert in any sense and I have the opposite ED, I eat too much and feel that I don’t deserve to be thin. You eat too little and feel you don’t deserve to eat.
I’m on a diet and has lost 28 lbs, everyday is a painful struggle not too cheat. I think we should find the core reason why our self esteem is so low.
I agree with you, you shouldn’t go on a diet, but you need to find the reason behind your ED, everybody has a reason, it might be as obvious as a serious accident, a traumatic experience or a death in the family. But usually it is something that someone from the outside can’t point out, you need to look inside you or find help and talk to a professional, because friends never understand and there is nothing worse than to open up and tell a friend something that was incredibly difficult to tell and they don’t understand, they judge you and sometimes use it against you.
I think you want to be better, and that is the first step, a tiny step, but every step is important. I know about triggers, and I’m sorry that the response of the Shine until tomorrow community was one for you. Sean wants people to be happy and healthy and purging is not healthy, to your physical or mental health. You said you almost purged after 2 years, 2 years, that is a big deal. I would be on my goal weight if I can be that strong and hold on for 2 years. You are allot stronger than you think you are and nobody is perfect. Stay strong and Shine, until tomorrow.
Binge eating disorder is pretty painful to deal with, and it doesn’t help that people might see a binge as simple gluttony as opposed to what it really is, a form of self-harm. Both of us are coming from a place of seeing ourselves as unworthy of health and happiness, which totally sucks. My journey to this point is a bit different from others’. I was naturally skinny in my childhood and teens, and then I went to college. For me, the freshman 15 took me from underweight to normal weight (like 110-115) which I loved. Problem was, some people including my grandfather whose opinion I really cared about saw me as fat, not normal. The thing is, I’m extremely pear-shaped (and I mean extremely–my waist is so much smaller than my hips I look like I’m wearing a corset) so when I was skinny, my upper body was emaciated while my lower body was normal looking. So my shape is kinda like a Rorschach–what you see depends on how you define overweight., If you define it as having a spare tire around the middle, I don’t look fat at all, but if you define it as having a big booty, hips, and thighs, I’m fat even if I’m barely in the triple digits weight-wise. And unless if I wanna go back to buying t-shirts in the children’s section, I’m gonna have to have a big lower body in order to have a normal upper body. My grandpa clearly saw me as the second kind of fat, because he acted like I was 1000 lbs and frequently told me not to eat and embarrassed me at family get-togethers. Looking back, I realize he probably had an ED too (after he broke his hip due to falling from being dizzy from hunger, my mom and I intervened and ordered him to take in at least 1200 cals of Ensure every day no matter if he was hungry or not), but it still got me. My Achilles heel is that I’m a people-pleaser and I adopted ED behaviors until I completely internalized them. There are those that hypothesize that simply going on a diet is enough to cause a vulnerable person to develop an ED, kinda like how one drink can lead to alcoholism for others. There are physical causes for other mental disorders like depression, so it does make sense. The worst part is now that my grandfather’s gone, I can’t totally mourn him because part of me feels relieved because I don’t have to hear the criticism anymore. I think that’s why I felt triggered, because some of the things said reminded me of that. Generally I’m doing pretty well (this post and the Twitter stuff came at a very vulnerable time which I only now realize). The odd thing is, once I gained a huge amount of weight on anti-depressants (they should give Paxil to famine survivors, the stuff packs on lbs like woah) and then started to lose weight after changing meds, I’m getting better. Something about knowing that my weight is totally out of my control (which is solely my experience with my new meds; someone else could have an opposite reaction to the same exact drugs) makes me realize that the only effect my ED can have now is hurting me. Not that the urge to restrict isn’t there; I still count calories to make sure I hit at least 1200 and if I’m under I make myself reach that point. Good luck with your fight and be gentle to yourself.
I’m sorry to hear that your grandfather didn’t support you, I never had a grandfather. But realizing this painful memory is a big step, you know what happened, the hardest part is to deal with it. I was in the first team of my sport since my first year in school, I got national clothes in javelin and quite a few medals for Netball (similar to basketball). In Highschool I played field Hockey and Netball, but I was the same as you. Pearshaped. I was on my goal weight and still looked kinda funny and since I’m 5foot6 I was the biggest in the class, on my goal weight. I only started gaining weight in College when I moved away from home. Allot of people say, when you find out what the problem is then the hard part is over, but I disagree. Because I know exactly why I gained weight (a 10 year stretch of crap I’m not going to go into) but the hard part is dealing with it, accepting it and living with it, because our little wonderful human brains just won’t forget, EVER. We all have coping mechanism, and since I work 13 hours, 7 days a week. I have nothing else to do when I feel sad, depressed, happy, annoyed, bored, excited, and so forth. I live at my job, literally, I’m a manager at a B&B LaLuxe, and I live in the garage. I work everyday, my last day off was in July and then before that August 2012. I work everyday from 5am – 6pm and sometimes people check-in at 11pm without notice, so I need to stay here. What else can I do for fun? Seriously! What can I do for fun? So eating isn’t just a mechanism for bad memories it is my entertainment and my job (I’m the chef as well). Quitting food is much harder than quitting other addictions, because I still have to eat, but only some of it. It’s horrible. Tell a person that wants to quit smoking they have to take one drag a day? Are you kidding me, you will never be able to get over your addiction. It’s torture. Thanks for replying and let me know if you want to talk about anything, you can grieve you Grandfather, because you loved him, he wasn’t who you needed but sometimes we forget that our grandparent also have problems and it is very sad that he died before he could deal with whatever bother him. That is also why I love this blog, your Grandfather had an ED, but had no-one to talk to, may he rest in peace and I hope you can forgive him and grieve your loss, not only that he passed on but because he didn’t give you the love you needed.
Thanks and hope you keep on fighting. I will forgive him some day and I am working on it. Right now it’s half compassion, half anger. As time goes on, I expect the former to increase while the latter decreases. You take care.
So, today IS my first day here, reading SFP’s blog. Sean, I met you today at the Ohio Comicon…I then came home, posted my pics to FB, and found your blog. I am also obese, and upon first reading of this particular entry, I must admit, I was taken aback by it. BUT, I delved in deeper, and found this entry in particular: https://shineuntiltomorrow.com/sean-patrick-flanery/everyone-is-religious-period-sean-patrick-flanery/. This day’s blog changed my opinion of the entry above. I understand where Cosmo is coming from, BUT –I think she needs to understand you have to take the good with the “bad”. Somedays you are 100% uplifting ….but there will also be days where you write an ass-kicking blog, because that’s what some people need, and that’s how you feel…it is YOUR blog, after all.
I thoroughly appreciate that my husband loves me, no matter what I look like, but he is also a raging diabetic, with life threatening hypertension, and kidney disease….and I have to fight with him like a child, to get him to take his meds daily, so- pardon me if I don’t exactly respect his opinion….lol.
I also have a mother, who tells me, I don’t need to lose weight, I’m fine the way I am……this is the same woman who force fed me fried EVERYTHING at dinner time when I was growing up…and filled the house with junk food, coddling my unhealthy body, and helping me to form unhealthy eating habits.
I DON’T LIKE BEING OBESE! I have fought for a year and a half to lose 70 pounds..i cut out pop, and drink only tea and water now, I try to shop non-GMO, cook only healthy methods …and I am glad to have found this blog….glad to see peers who have struggled like myself…glad to see someone who can be a cheerleader (sorry, Sean! Lol ) and a boot camp drill instructor when needed….and you know what? Sugar coating things doesn’t help…sugar is partly to blame for getting me here, and I’m over it. I am SO glad to have happened a crossed this, and to have met someone who will inspire me to be a better me for my little girls! 🙂
The upsetting part is I’ve used every excuse listed above. I even have magnets in my mouth that attract me to the refrigerator late at night… Okay no, not really but that was a good one. It saddens me to see some people so close minded about obesity in this country. I guess when you’re “in it” it’s hard to view it from a different point of view. When I realized when I was obese was that it’s hard to shine, suppose you can shine being obese at the same time being so overweight makes it difficult to do things that you could do at a healthy weight. At my heaviest I was 250 pounds and my height is 5’5″ tall. Today I weighed myself and I officially have lost 101 pounds. I have never set foot in the gym, I don’t like to admit it but I still continue to drink soda pop, and as I write this I am smoking a cigarette. No way am I perfectly healthy, but I’d like to think that I still shine in someways. There are so many ways to lose weight… and it doesn’t always involve busting your ass in the gym. I will tell you right now I walked away the pounds and started eating right, cutback my soda intake. People don’t realize it’s easier than you think, rented yes it takes a plan. A plan with time, discipline, and lots of effort but living a healthier life is worth the extra effort. We don’t have to look like those models on TV. We just need to be a healthier version of ourselves so we can shine brighter for a future with our family & friends. That’s my take on this blog.
Thanks for being a constant inspiration in my life Flanery. My next goal: tackle smoking, AGAIN. I quit once(twice actually). I can do it. Just need to stop with the stupid excuses I feed myself.
Here is my “excuse” severely depressed with PTSD, active combat war injury that leaves me in agonizing pain every step I take. I walk the dogs each night, which is the most exercise I can get. I eat fruits, vegetables, no soda, trail mix is my snack of choice. I am working on losing the weight that I gained from being immobile for so long and I have a huge supply of pain management drugs that dull some of the pain, the depression does not help my motivation, even though I go the veterans administration hospital for therapy and mental health for PTSD. For me, getting over a dramatic, traumatic, life threatening injury is not simply an excuse.
Michelle,
“I am working on losing the weight”. “I eat fruits, vegetables, no soda..”
You said you walk every night and eat healthy. You are doing something, despite your severe pain and depression … you are making an effort and that is awesome!!
Keep fighting and working towards your goals and I hope you will return to give us updates
With all the crap you’re dealing with you’re doing a lot more than a lot of people who don’t have PTSD and depression. My mom has chronic pain (spinal stenosis) and it upsets her when she can’t do as much as she did 20 years ago but I always remind her to focus on what she still is doing. Like you, even with her pain, she’s still active and pretty darn impressive. Just remember there are skinny people with no pain or disabilities who are trying as hard as you are, so keep that in mind.
never tried never win never get a break
miss 100% of the shots you never take…
Hedley – Anything
This helps me, despite all my whiny weak moments… CHEERS!
Also, I am not obese, I have never been obese, before my injury I was working out 4 hours a day and had been a size 12 since I was 11.(I am pretty tall and I have big boobs, ha) I am a size 14/16 now and I am not happy about it, which further depresses me. I do some yard work but for every 10 minutes that I stand, I have to sit or lie down for 30 or up my pain meds. This is not the way I want to live but even as I lay here in bed, I am in pain.
I want to talk about excuses. Before I do so, I will tell you I do not drink, I do not smoke, I do not binge/starve myself. I used to do all of those things. My “excuses” are not meant to seek pity, but to illustrate there is always a choice not matter how many times life takes you by the back of the head and bashes your face in the ground.
When I was born, I was put up for adoption. I lived in an orphanage, nobody wanted to adopt me because I was expected to be deformed. They were wrong and I was adopted eventually. Shortly after I was adopted I and was sexually abused for years. When I told my my mother about it and she called me a whore. I ran away from home (I was the “punk rock chick”, and the drag queens actually took me looked after me and made sure I didn’t get into TOO much trouble). After some time, I eventually went back home to a mother that chain smoked, ate until she was sick, a dad that drank when he got home at night when he actually came home. My mom would try to commit suicide, and blame it on me. My brother was a scary guy, I will leave it at that – often would beat the shit out of me and my parents didn’t step in. PTSD is horrible, and many don’t realize they suffer from it because they assume it is a condition specific to war veterans. I still experience it today, but with time wounds do heal.
A theater teacher found me in high school, gave me a focus for my emotions. I found a passion greater than self destruction. I believe in many ways she saved my life…I finally felt like someone cared, and fell in love with acting, performing. I continued to college and excelled. However, I became a self destructive mess under the guise of a “Type A” personality. Old habits die hard. I ran on the cross country team, started to work out, had an office in the professor’s building as an assistant, started a college radio station. This enabled me to mask my self destructive behaviors. I was an “achiever”.
Eventually I was put into inpatient for anorexia/bulimia. Also, the drinking stopped working, and I found AA at the age of 25. I also experienced the sensation for the first time in my life that everything would be ok. That feeling was an exhale I needed for 25 years. It was in an AA meeting in a church basement in NYC. For me, humility was what I lacked. Growing up not feeling protected made me willful. Once I let go of my will, my iron grip on trying to control things, I found peace. I realized that humility empowers us. protects us, allows a spiritual life to develop. My spiritual life is very important to my recovery. However I am careful about talking about it because it can invite debate over dogma. Dogma and institutionalized religion too often alienate people from finding their own path. God doesn’t come in a box. Spirituality and a relationship with God (or what ever higher power you chose) is intensely personal. God doesn’t write messages in the sky, you have to listen. You can’t hear God when you are drinking, smoking, doing drugs, binge eating, etc.
I see mothers with children, moms who can hardly walk and keep up with their kids. From a child with an emotionally unavailable mother who was too wrapped up in her own self pity and excuses…you need to change. When you are wrapped up in your own drama, just how available are you to your children? They need you. I needed my mom, still need her, but she is not there. This abandonment, emotional abandonment, is the worst thing you can do to a child.
There is too much apathy in our country. There are so many horrible things (on public record) that our government does that is criminal. But they can get away with it because we are so doped up on sugar, carbs, booze, reality TV, nicotine, the list goes on.
I see the health crisis in our country as more that just about health. It is about people being apathetic, self-centered, self-pitying. Meanwhile many of us are unaware of terrible things happening outside our own experiences. Apathy fosters evil.
As a humorous aside, my good friends who take my yoga classes tell me they expect me to one day to say “Namaste Motherf*ckers!!!!* My point is, I care enough to be loving and supportive, and nonjudgmental. However, I also care enough to yank someone up by the collar and say “STOP KILLING YOURSELF”. Stop. Just stop the excuses.
I am in a life situation where my ex threatens my life, the legal system gives doesn’t protect me and gives him access to abuse my children despite numerous restraining orders. Gee, I “deserve” a drink, right? Hell no. I will not let this destroy me. I WILL shine because my children need me. And, as an added bonus, it really pisses off those that want to hurt you when you refuse to self-destruct.
Well Sean, sorry you are getting some flack for this one, but all I can say is: Truth Hurts. but it still needs to be said. And the simple fact is; I know people who say and do all those things you listed. And I suspect you have heard them all too, and they weren’t just pulled out of your ass. ‘scuse my French.
I don’t see this as “fat shaming” at all. You haven’t said obese people are worthless, or that they don’t deserve to be loved. I see it simply as reminding us that we all have the right to Life. And that is a choice. Some people only require a gentle nudge towards that choice, others need a big ole push.
If you don’t see the message behind the harsh truth — perhaps it’s because you are not in fact…..choosing life??
And no one can MAKE you feel bad about yourself — we do that just fine all on our own. If this post struck a nerve, you might want to ask yourself who it is you are really angry with.
Now Sean my lad….I’ve bounced back from 3 babies via 3 C sections pretty good, but the tummy is still the difficult spot, ya know? The core just isn’t what is used to be. But you can come over here and kick my ass for those last 10 pounds with your Harsh Truth No Excuse Delivery Method any fricking time 😉
I used to use the thyroid excuse. I have had Hashimoto’s since I was 6. I am now 41 and in the past 4 years have lost 100lbs, have run several ½ Marathons and ran my first Marathon last October. I also just got my Certification from the National Academy Of Sports Medicine to be a Personal Trainer. I still have about 25 pounds to my goal weight but if I can do it, anyone can. I work full time, have a family with a hubby and 7 year old and work part time at the gym teaching and helping others. I might have to work harder but I log my food, watch what types of food I eat and work my ASS OFF. It is calories in versus calories out. I am hoping to inspire others and was excited to find this blog spot. You can also check out my story at Lisa’s Weight Loss Diary on Facebook and @LisaMcManes on Twitter. I am excited to hear about other people’s stories for inspiration and motivation. We can all help each other and make ourselves and this world a better place. MAKE IT A GREAT DAY EVERYONE.
“My name is Lisa McManes and I am 41 years old and have struggled with my weight all my life. I was born with a genetic predisposition to obesity. I was born with Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, a type of autoimmune disease in which the immune system attacks and destroys the thyroid gland. The sole function of the thyroid is to make the thyroid hormone which affects nearly all tissues of the body where it increases cellular activity. Therefore, regulating the body’s metabolism, this is the rate at which the body creates and uses energy. Every day since diagnosed at age 6, I have taken a synthetic form of the hormone in order to have a metabolism.
This has caused many health issues and struggles in my life. My husband and I have been married since 1997 and had our daughter in 2006. It was a high risk pregnancy with complications and constant blood checks of my TSH level to make sure it was ok so our baby would be born full term and healthy. When Piper was born I wanted to make sure that I instilled in her the values of good self-esteem, eating healthy and being active so she would live a healthy long life.
Four years ago at 288 pounds my friend and I joined a gym for personal training to lose weight and get fit. I always struggled with my weight due to my condition and did not think a trainer would help but gave it a try. My trainer has been a godsend. I was learning how to eat right, logging my food, exercising, wearing my EXERSPY to monitor my steps and calories burned. I also fell in LOVE with running and after some pounds came off I tried a beginner’s run club at the gym and have been hooked ever since. I have lost 100 pounds so far, I teach Eat To Lose classes and Beginners Run Club at the gym to help others with their weight loss journey. I have completed43 half marathons and ran my 1st marathon this past October in Columbus Ohio. I want to be an example to others and inspire them to lose weight and get healthy. My condition requires me to work hard then others and it is taking me a little longer to get the weight off. However, IF I CAN DO IT, ANYONE CAN.”
I truly believe that the only limits we have are the ones that we set for ourselves. That being said we all are guilty of doing this and unfortunately it also relates to being active and healthy. I am definitely not in the best physical shape and luckily it hasn’t really taken a tool on my health (yet). I have used all the excuses pointed out previously and even some more inventive ones. The most recent one being that if/when the zombie apocalypse occurs I will be able to out live many people with my fat store. I joke around about things like that but it really isn’t funny. I think of the excuses that I use and those limits I set on myself and then I think about all the extraordinary people I have heard about (ex. a woman with a prosthetic leg that competes in marathons) and how they push past their limits to accomplish their goals. They are a true inspiration and testament to what a person can be capable of. So really I have no excuses, I can got myself into this and I’m the only one that can break those limits down and make the changes to get myself out of it….
Those who are attacking Sean fail to see that he cares enough to give a shit to say things that will get backlash. Not because he is a prick, but because he cares. I have been a trainer for years, sometimes you have to care enough about someone to really piss them off. Sometimes it is the last resort. I firmly maintain that his controversial post was not only courageous but made from a place of passion and love. Those who can’t see that don’t want help. Go ahead, flame me. I am sick of the whining and semantic debates on this thread derailing a life and death issue. Damn!
DING DING DING!!!!! Correct. I’d rather protect someone’s life than their feelings. …all day long.
I think there are tons of life and death situations that we can see but obesity is the silent killer. I would rather someone help me see the error in my life choices now then wait till I am dead and them wish they could have helped. I for one am willing to put myself out there if it is for my own good and if I can inspire someone else that is an added bonus.
One more post, my hope is to inspire. Classical Pilates (not instructed catastrophically by the weekend certification instructors), but the PILATES METHOD is for every BODY. I have trained professional athletes and occupational therapy (that’s right OCCUPATIONAL and well as Physical Therapy clients). Illness, injuries should not hold you back. Read about the story of Joseph Pilates. Often misunderstood as a practice for housewives who want to be trendy, here is the real deal. Joseph was a hard ass, boxer, trained secret service. But as a child, frail, sick…he literally cured his ailments without doctors, excuses. Please, Please read: If this doesn’t inspire, nothing will…..
Born in Germany in 1880, Joseph Pilates grew up a frail, sick child. With the help of his parents, he healed himself and was committed to unlocking the secrets of health and well-being. He studied the exercise regimens of many ancient cultures, including Zen, yoga, and ancient Greek and Roman philosophies. He understood the benefits of the sun, and of conditioning the muscles of the body.
He paid particular attention to what he called the “powerhouse”- made up of all the abdominal, back, upper thigh, and gluteal muscles. Flexibility and strength of the spine were critical components of his body conditioning exercises.
Finally, the most compelling quote: “I must be right. Never an aspirin. Never injured a day in my life. The whole country, the whole world, should be doing my exercises. They’d be happier.” — Joseph Hubertus Pilates, in 1965, age 86.
A picture of a once frail, sick child, who posed for anatomical studies, in his eighties:
http://soulfulkneads.com/blog/tag/joseph-pilates
I am sorry to flood your comments, Sean, but this is one of my deepest passions/convictions
By the way, if you seek a Pilates instructor, ask how many apprentice hours he/she had to do before certification. If they stare blankly, run like hell. 500 hours is a minimum. Pilates was called “Contrology” before groupthink thought Pilates sounded “cooler”….In Pilates, nothing is haphazard. Economy of movement, precision, RESULTS. The principles of Pilates, also vital for life. Breath, Control, Concentration, Centering, Flow, Precision.
Peace,
Laura
Thank you for sharing your inspirational posts Laura
Well, that is a tremendous compliment. In my experience helping and inspiring others is one of life’s great rewards. I only ever want to help, my intent is always from a loving place, but I tend to be rough around the edges in delivery. I believe that when you crawl your way out of a hole (something I see as God’s grace in many of my situations), the way to keep what you have been given is to give it away or share the gift. However, I have also learned that one can’t give away what people don’t want or aren’t ready to receive. As my father says, I am a “the most stubborn, tenacious pain in the ass” he has ever met, so the is a hard one for me to learn. Although, my tenacious pain-in-the-ass-ness (don’t think that is even a word) isn’t always a BAD thing – HELL sometimes I wear it as a badge of honor! It is a matter of acquiring the wisdom to know what we can or can’t control. Peace and good health to you.
Thank you for being so open and honest Sean
Well said Sean. People that care about me are telling me the very same thing all the time. As I look after my daughter (she has Autism) and my families needs i tend to put them first and me last so i have to start looking after my health & that is why i have made some changes.
I think acknowledging issues is important, discussing them….but I notice the lack of action by participants. ALL OF THESE ISSUES are manageable. HEALTHY LIVING. Organic, whole foods….exercise with the help of a professional that can work with your issues. It is a shame that Sean’s call to action has stagnated into NO SOLUTIONS. No wonder this country is in a “health crisis”. ALL OF THESE PROBLEMS ARE MANAGEABLE. Prevention and action would virtually eliminate the crisis in this country. We are one of the wealthiest and SICKEST countries in the world.. I can’t even read this anymore. Off I go to bang my head on a wall. It is more productive.
Clarification – I hear people who say, yeah, I need to do this, that, but until you show up here and give specifics, I don’t buy it.
—signed a personal trainer that pisses people off but gets results.
I agree with Sean, and everyone who says choose to be healthy. but this, between feelings and life. this is interesting. I would choose to protect someone’s feelings first than his life. but in a scenario under time constraints, i might protect life first.
you can only do so much. people has to choose life for themselves. it’s like, one has to choose to eat from the tree of life, to use the bible’s illustration. it’s there, but one has to go up to it and eat from it’s fruits.
to those offended by reference to excuses and the difficulty of losing weight and the struggles, feeling these are trivialized here, yep. sorry you are offended. maybe you need to hit rock bottom before you turn around. i hope you get to turn around. then you would need new friends to help you keep your winnings.
some says happiness in life is by luck. some says only the weak believe in luck. you reap what you sow.
This quote: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Maya Angelou
I find this to be true in my own life, but I don’t think Sean is wrong either. Maybe it’s a balance of both where you can protect life without making them feel like doo doo. But then again, truth usually does make you feel like doo doo first, and that’s what spurs you to shuffle through your own emotional garbage. Ah, I’m conflicted. I’ll stick with the possiblitly that truth can be balanced with kindness. I do think Sean achieves that mostly, and sometimes people wil justl be offended at ANYTHING (even cute puppies) cause that’s what they do.
It is DEFINETELY true that ppl who WANTS to be offended will be offended by, well…anything actually. You can’t go through life pleasing everybody and sometimes you need to be cruel to be kind. It’s all a matter of balance. Imo Sean masters the art of balance pretty well 😉 I guess what we all need to do is sort through the deck of cards life has dealt and decide wether we want to keep playing the same ol’ hand or wether we’ll dare draw some new cards? Love Vibs
I have been almost outcast from my family because I am sick of people I love killing themselves. DId anyone read my post about excuses….I have lot of excuses…I didn’t even list them all. NOT for pity, but to say if I can grow up abused, physical ailments, the shit kicked out of me and refuse to be defeated, what is your excuse….but I am now enflaming people and will shut the hell up. Thanks for trying Sean.
It’s unfortunate that people have missed the point in this. Being obese is not OK. It is YOUR choice but it doesn’t just affect you. It impacts your family and loved ones. Do you have the energy to take your kids to the park to play or do you call it quits and sit back to watch? I bet they’d love for mom/dad not to interact with them (haha-sure).. Or how will your family feel while waiting for you to come out of surgery after a heart attack? Do you lose a foot to diabetes by age 40? Or what about all the extra costs associated with the health problems of being overweight? It’s not just about you. It’s not that “thin” people are automatically beautiful. It’s about being healthy and accepting accountability for your own life and actions (or lack thereof).
Crikey! I think it’s great that so many people are weighing in on this topic.
It’s a very positive thing to get people talking, even when they don’t agree.
Through discussion people will often change their minds. Kudos SPF.
As a general statement, triggers for any type of compulsive disorder, or any disorder for that matter will always be present in ones life. Whether an individual is struggling with an eating disorder, substance abuse dependency, gambling addiction etc, triggers are part of daily life. Any common smell, sound or visual stimuli can be associated as a trigger for any one person. It is unrealistic to believe that we can live our lives trigger free. It is also unrealistic to expect someone else to tailor their opinions in a manner that will not trigger any one individual. Triggers will ALWAYS be a part of our lives. Recovery (again from any type of disorder) is not about expecting the world to be trigger free, it is about us learning to cope with triggers in a healthy and positive manner. I look forward to your next blog entry Sean.
I wish I could take back back several of my earlier statements and replace them with this. You are brilliant! Said exactly what I have been wanting to, without getting distracted by all the other bull. Thank you!
Thank YOU love. 🙂
Indeed. I do think family and friends should try to avoid triggers. But then they know them and it’s just for one person or a few. Someone writing an online blog that the whole world can read cannot possibly watch out for the whole world’s triggers. The only way to do that would be to not write a blog at all then.
You’re right about triggers being everywhere and people who are vulnerable do need to recognize them before they get triggered. But, triggers are kinda like germs. If a person has a compromised immune system, yes they have to be careful about getting infected, but at the same time, there are things that healthy people can do to help. For example, when you get a cold, I bet you make sure to cover your mouth when you sneeze, wash your hands, sanitize stuff you touch, etc., and if someone tells you they have a vulnerable immune system, you definitely wouldn’t cough right in their face. Same thing with triggers. Like using hand sanitizer, giving a quick trigger warning isn’t a big deal for you, but could really help someone else. To be fair, this blog post wasn’t the only thing I was referring to; there was a whole deal on Twitter involving someone intentionally triggering me by telling me to diet and calling my recovery an excuse after I explicitly old them what my deal was, which is a metaphorical version of coughing into my face. Also, Twitter is a much more general audience than here (and I didn’t realize just how specific this place was at first, which could’ve been prevented w/a one sentence warning). So yeah, triggers are everywhere, but that doesn’t mean one has to be all willy nilly about them. JMO
So I intentionally harmed you? Sorry but I don’t know you or dislike to intentionally do anything. I was trying to help you like I have many others. If I wanted to intentionally harm you I’d have used name calling and accused you of things you haven’t done like you are doing to me. I told you the same things I have told many ppl I know with eating disorders an they have all recovered and lost and /or gained weight as needed when they were ready to stop hurting themselves and make a change. You woul rather blame me for making you feel bad. When you stop self harming and decide to change things I hope you have all the support you need but stop telling ppl I’m intentionally trying to harm someone I don’t even know. Good luck xx
As I said before on this page, I never asked for your advice. You forced It on me. I said that saying such things acted as a trigger for me and your next tweet was you doing what I expressly asked you _not_ to. If that isn’t intent, then what is. Not knowing or disliking someone doesn’t have anything to do with it; in fact, if you bothered to read and believe my tweets, you’d have realized that what you were doing was literally the opposite of what I asked you. How explicit did I have to be? I did not ask for it; I even said I didn’t want it. It’s pretty much as un-ambiguous as a person can get. The reason why I have mentioned this several times is because I going on the assumption that you weren’t trolling and don’t realize exactly how horrible it was. Knowing that you work with ppl who have EDs makes me more bewildered at your behavior, because usually people who are trained in counseling are given a thorough education on how to avoid triggering someone. If you weren’t taught that whoever trained you owes you a humongous refund.
I guess the difference is that the ppl I work with are ready to make a change an you’re not. My mistake good luck hun
Agreed. If at some point you feel like making that change – it is your choice and yours alone. I wish you a blessed day
Actually, I am working on this, as well as many other facets of my life. If you really understood the nature of EDs and even mental disorders in general, you’d know that there is always more than one way to treat a problem and that losing/gaining weight is only one aspect of recovery. Losing weight isn’t really part of my recovery–it’s happening automatically as a side effect of a new antidepressant my psychiatrist put me on. Dealing with the inner turmoil is the real battle. And this is something anyone who treats ED (or other disorders, like cutting or OCD, etc) ought to know. You’re assuming that your opinions (and that is what they are, because I know from having formal therapy that there are other views) are the only ones that are right. Again, a person formally trained in any form of therapy is not going to take such a one-track approach. In fact, the whole point of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (which is used nearly universally) is to question and logically pick apart assumptions in general. Your I-have-a-hammer-therefore-every-problem-is-a-nail belief is by its very nature a cognitive distortion. Furthermore, the main difference between me and your patients is that they asked for your help. It’s all about the consent., If someone doesn’t consent to your idea of therapy or whatever, that’s the cue to stop. That again is considered a no-no when treating someone. Don’t force people. The whole no means no thing has applications in other aspects of interacting with people. Again, I don’t know how you work as a therapist (assuming it’s a job and not an amateur thing) without knowing how important it is to respect people’s boundaries. You don’t counsel/treat without consent. That’s what made me the most upset–having someone violate my right to decide for myself. Now I’m sure you’re gonna interpret that as me being unwilling to change (whatever your definition of that is, considering that I am helping myself in my own way), but that’s not why what you tweeted was wrong. You don’t force things on people, including advice/counsel. For dog’s sake, you’re a woman; you should know how awful it feels when someone patronizes you and completely disrespects your autonomy. It doesn’t matter what they said because all you remember is that they were acting like they knew better than yourself what is good for you and what you should do. Having anything forced on you is always unwelcome. That’s what I’m trying to get you to understand.
Hun you really should know who you’re talking to before you shoot your mouth off. I suffer from extreme bi polar and anger issues as well as borderline personality disorder from the trauma I suffered as a teen and in the military. Every single thing you have said in this blog I used to say every one. I also cut and have while fighting my weight until I met Jeff my coach. You’ll meet someone too and all the excuses and accusations to others will stop once you take control of your life and stop giving a shit about what other ppl say and do. They don’t have to live your life they do. I don’t coddle and I don’t pity anybody for any reason because you have he strength to change things you just don’t want to. As I said before good luck I hope you figure it out.
What the frack is your definition of change? I used to starve myself and when I did eat, I’d purge it. Sometimes I even purged on an empty stomach because the self-hatred that was actively encouraged by others was that strong. I stopped it. I don’t starve. I don’t purge. And I haven’t gone the other direction and started overeating either. The thing about treating a restricting ED is that part of the treatment is getting back to a point of eating when you’re hungry, stopping when you’re full, and not demonizing any food even if it’s a Twinkie (which I don’t eat, cuz I prefer real cake). This is important even if the patient gains weight in the short term. When my ED was strongest, I was eating virtually no fat and protein (yeah, I know that it’s the worst way to diet, but this was back when fat was considered bad and carbs good, so bear with me). I ended up with my hair becoming very dry and brittle and starting to fall out and my skin, which normally is so oily I still get pimples at age 41, becoming lizardlike. Thank dog I never got my hands on Syrup of Ipecac, because I’d prolly have heart damage by now. And since my diet was the stupid no fat/high carb bs, I still gained weight, but that’s another story. However, if I had lost weight enough to be in the underweight category and stopped menstruating, what I had back then would’ve easily been diagnosed as anorexia. The DSM uses the category of ED-NOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified) for cases like mine, which are actually the majority. So for me, eating enough food (and I notice you conveniently ignore my mentioning that I have to make sure I am not under eating) and even eating “bad” foods which for me is about 80% of a perfectly normal diet is part of my treatment. I’ve finally reached a point where I eat mostly healthful foods and some “bad” foods, which is normal. I also exercise and am generally active. And I’ve been losing weight, though that’s mostly due to taking Wellbutrin (that’s a side effect for nearly 1/3 of patients). So again, what do I need to change? I’m not starving but I’m not overeating. I don’t purge. Even when I get nauseated (like from a stomach bug), I actively fight it because I’m so determined to never purge again.I don’t over-exercise but I’m not a couch potato. I’m losing weight. Heck, I’m already 70 lbs lighter than you are, so I must be doing something right. So if I’m to change, that means relapsing in my ED. So I should starve again and barf when I do eat? Because that is what you’re basically telling me to do. And, ironically enough, if I go back to the fat-phobic way of eating that I had before, I’d prolly start gaining weight. And finally, none of what you’ve said negates the fact that you deliberately triggered me knowing that I had an ED and that you think it’s fine and dandy to force yourself on other people. I fear for anyone not as strong as I getting your advice. I’m willing to admit that yours and Sean’s approaches can work with some people, but are triggering to others, but you can’t even admit that forcing advice on a person who’s already told you they didn’t want it might be a bad idea? I know that BPD causes black-and-white thinking, but this is beyond extreme.
I didn’t mean changing what your doing. You are living healthier and losing weight and that’s great. I meant changing your attitude. Not everyone is out to hurt you. You have been attacking ppl on this blog for days. You have taken this blog and my tweet personally like it was directed at you. Neither of them were. You are not a victim yet you keep acting like one. Not everyone is attacking you and trying to hurt you. The change needs to be inside not outside darlin.
Also directly attempting to insult me and my mental illness is not making me upset. I have dealt with my issues and I’ve not once personally insulted you. I appreciate if you would do the same in return.
Bugger this. Bugger this fandom. Bugger everything to do with this. If you can’t understand by now why deliberately triggering someone after they warned you about the consequences (and while you have a point re. the blog post, you did send that tweet specifically to me, so stop lying), you’ll never figure it out. Maybe some day you’ll understand concepts like consent and waiting for people to ask before you say something. For now you are no different from the kind of people who tell fat people to kill themselves, among other gems. The only difference is the degree of fat hatred. Just remember this–even when you reach your goal weight, the people who think like you do won’t fully accept you. They will always see you as lesser simply because you once were fat. And they will be waiting with bated breath for you to fail so they can hate you again. Though chances are, no one else can hate you as much as you do. So yeah, gotta go and donate my Boondock Saints dvd somewhere, because everything associated with this makes me want to puke. This isn’t a fandom; it’s a den of vipers.
Someone must have really hurt you to make you so angry and defensive I’m sorry for that. You deserve so much better than to feel the way you do when ppl try to help. It doesn’t matter what anyone says to you I realize that. You have to discover it in your own time. You will. Good luck to you and God bless xx
In another thread here I do talk about who hurt me. Don’t have the spoons to go over it again, but just imagine that there are only 4 people in this world whose opinions you care about, and one of them thinks you’re a disgusting fat pig. You’d have to be a robot not to internalize that. Knowing that my grandfather probably had anorexia nervosa himself doesn’t do much to mitigate knowing that in his mind I was disgusting. If it had been a classmate, or random person, or one of my more distant relatives (who were also jerks about weight), I probably wouldn’t have been affected at all. Part of what I keep thinking about is that I was not even overweight when it started. So now that I’m finally losing weight and getting positive comments, all I can think of is what if I don’t become thin? What if I stabilize at my current weight and people get disappointed because I’m still fat, albeit 40 lbs thinner? I prolly sound like a jerk ‘cuz I’m sure there are ppl here whose end goal is to get where I am but emotionally I always feel like the biggest person in the room. So when anything is said about weight, I feel like everyone thinks that about me. Sorry for the potshots I took in the next to last post. I still disagree with your approach, but that was unfair of me.
Darlin I hope to god you can get the help you need. I’m being sincere here. Nothing I. Your life is going to change whether it be your weight, your opinion of your looks or relationships you have with ppl until you change the attitude that you approach life with. I won’t go I to detail but just trust me that I know what it like to be where you are. I got help not therapy or counselling cause it’s crap. But honest help from a hospital of professionals. I spent months in a hospital dealing with my issues and getting better. My life and my outlook are 100 times better and the ppl who hurt me on my past are of no consequence anymore. Like they never existed. I am a new person and you can get there too but you have to take that first step.
I am working on things. A huge part is the whole people-pleasing aspect of my personality which is really the cause of a lot of woe for me in general. I’ll get there eventually. Thanks for the concern. Take care, y’all.
If you know anything about Sean, his heart is always in the right place. His goal is to help people be their best selves. And sometimes that means saying what needs to be said, even at the risk of alienating/upsetting people. Some of you may be perfectly happy with how you are – but there are those of us out there who are not satisfied with who we currently are, and we derive strength and inspiration from Sean’s words. Please do not negate the passion and caring this man shares with us just because you don’t agree. I for one needed to hear his words – no matter how much it may have hurt. For me, they are absolutely true,and I for one thank Sean for caring that much!
I have been overweight for nearly half of my life. I used to blame it on my parents divorcing, I used to blame it on depression, I used to blame it on everything but where it should have gone. I never blamed myself.
Now that I think back on it, blaming myself would have been just as bad as blaming other things. Even though it would have gotten me to recognize that I was responsible for what happened to myself, it would have created more issues than those it solved.
Currently, I am 16 years old, and I weigh 288 lbs. This is the heaviest I’ve ever been. I challenged myself Tuesday, September 17th, 2013 to lose 50 lbs by the end of the school year. If I exceed that, great, if I come a little shy of it, that’s okay. I’m at least making the effort.
The reason I decided to make this change now is not for esthetic pleasure or for the good of anyone other that myself. I am tired of being in too much pain to enjoy daily activities, I am tired of crying myself to sleep because of how difficult I’ve made my life with this extra burden. I want to be able to walk without worrying about if there will be anywhere for me to sit and rest my knees. I’m tired of worrying about when I’m going to fracture my ankles again because of how weak they are from bearing so much weight for so long.
So this is me, putting my pledge in writing. I will NOT give up this time. I will NOT talk myself out of it. I WILL keep up on myself, and I WILL NOT let this beat me.
Thank you, Mr. Flannery, for helping me through this with your inspiring words. The beginning is always the hardest, but the end result is worth the struggle.
Sincerely,
Allison
Allison, I’m also to blame for your weight. As your mother, I should have put my foot up your ass and made you get out and play, get up and do something besides hide in your bedroom. I, too, made excuses for all of us. I didn’t have enough money to buy better quality food. I didn’t have the time to take you outside and make you play, play with you, or find something active to do. I have my own excuses, which are just that, excuses! My actions were inexcusable. I aided you in wallowing in your excuses. Not anymore! I will stand with you, stand beside you, help you reach and even exceed your goal. I will be your loudest cheerleader! And along the way, we will both become healthier. I love you, my beautiful daughter.
And I will cheer with BOTH of you!!!!!!!!!
You two just made me cry! Great that you can do this together. My mother does not struggle with her weight like I do, but she is still my work out buddy twice a week, and I cherish those days with her at the gym! What great quality time together for you two! Keep it up!
See now THIS is what Seans blog is supposed to be about. People finding inspiration and strength in Seans words. Barbara this is very similar to something my mother would have said to me when I was battling my own internal demons. It really hit home with me and I thank you for posting such loving words to your daughter for the rest of us to see, as it is humbling and will hopefully show those who have taken Seans words out of context that he truly cares about making an impact in our lives. I know the three of you, your daugther, Sean and yourself have greatly impacted me today. My mother has struggled with many debilitating illnessness in her life, some of which could have been less severe should she have taken better care of her health. She has recently been diagnosed with a degenerative auto-immune disease and will most likely be in a wheel chair within the next 10 years. Every day she stresses to me how important it is for me to take care of my health as many of these illnesses are genetic and in turn may affect my life. This is why my health is sacred to me. 50% of what I eat comes straight from my garden that I tend to myself, the other 50% is nutritious whole foods purchased from reputable grocers. I am an avid swimmer, do yoga as well as various cardio exercises. I do not know you or your daughter but I also cheer you on. I also thankyou for bringing the focus of seans blog back to where it needs to be. God Bless all three of you.
This post made me tear up…So many people go through life either not caring for those around them or trying to hide the mistakes they’ve made. A mother who so openly, publicly even, admits that she has made mistakes has my deepest respect. No one is perfect, but it is NEVER too late to stop and re-think where you are in life and adjust the direction of your future heading.This mother has inspired me to talk to my own son about how he and I are interacting and wether there are areas where we can both make adjustments (he’s 15, but even though he’s in the middle of his teens we very rarely get to the point where we can’t talk…I guess I’m blessed in that way). I wish you all a blessed day. Love Vibs (Denmark)
Yeah that was just awesome to read. Hope you reach your goal girl! xox
To all the ignorant people who think Sean is “wrong” “mean” “stupid” etc.,
I’m not sorry to tell you that you are infact the wrong and stupid one. If you can’t see Sean’s message, please don’t comment anything. You just sound like a complete fool. He is trying to help motivate you and you take it the wrong way. If you can’t see this then why go out of your way to comment something rude. Or make excuses. This entire thing was about how stupid excuses are and yet your still making them. Get off your ass and work for it. Cuz that’s the only way you’ll change anything. Shine.
Can I suggest that all future posts BEGIN with what you are doing TODAY to help yourself? Start small….drink an extra glass of water…the journey starts with the first step. Honor yourself, acknowledge yourself that the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. No excuses, but your solution, JUST FOR TODAY. Eat a freaking carrot or vegetable if it isn’t your routine. Crap, eat a damned baby carrot. SOMETHING. Something small….But all talk and no action will not result in progress. Once people start taking action, something tells me Sean will cheer you on (I can’t speak for him but I believe his heart is in a pure place with this). I can be a very a very supportive person too, in a “been there sort of way” if welcomed. Once you take the smallest of action for yourself, the outpouring of support will be validating and empowering. I WANT people to feel good. I want people to live and self actualize. After you take that small action, talk THEN about your challenges….the only way to recover from a disease (addiction to food, sex, money, drugs) is through fellowship virtual or in person. A relationship with SOME higher power helps. If you don’t believe in god, look at a sunset, the sky at night and turn your struggles over to something much bigger than yourself. A daily DECISION to admit we are powerless over out vices if vital. In my experience, the humility to accept that truth and admit my shortcomings EMPOWERS me. It liberates me to take my power BACK. Love to all.
*crickets*
Amen Laura <3 Like I commented earlier, it all really starts happening when you forgive yourself for not being perfect and you stop making excuses for not acting and also stop hammering yourself for being too thick, too lazy, too…whatever. Be kind to yourself and try to love who you are on the inside, not what you look like on the outside, this will empower you greatly and help you take control over your life back little by little. IF YOU CAN DREAM IT YOU CAN DO IT. Make little, achievable goals for yourself…don't go for the 30 kilos you would like to reach, take it slowly and make it your goal to lose them one kilo at a time, and don't "award" every kilo lost with full fat icecream or greasy donuts. I'm in here ready to cheer you on, listen when you need to vent…you don't stand alone, which is paramount in any lifechanging situation – not to feel alone. Big hugs from Vibs (Denmark)
Sean I would like to say you have SURPRISED me! You are not the typical self absorbed actor. I appreciate that you have made the choice to inspire others to better themselves!
Impressed!
Your comment has made me think about something. I guess many people are caught up in the stereotypes. Men can’t be nurses, accountants are thin little men wearing their hair close to their heads and actors from Hollywood are self-centered, arrogant being with zero consideration for others *sigh*. I can’t even BEGIN to count all the times I have been confronted with those stereotypes in my carreer.. “you are a WHAT? But WOMEN can’t….” I worked as a radio-host for more than 20 years, and had my own shows, met a LOT of celebrities, politicians…you name it…and let me tell you this little “secret”, while some fit the stereo-type, many are just regular people beneath all the glamour and the glitz, and some care deeply about what happens around them and try to do what they can to inspire others…like Sean. Makes me wonder how many people are in here, because Sean is an actor? Personally I don’t care…if Sean woke up tomorrow and was a crooked teethed shoe-salesman from Conneticut I would STILL be in here commenting on his blog, because I for me it isn’t at all about a persons line of work of wether that person has a “name” or is seen in the glammer-mags….for me personally it is ALWAYS about the PERSON…and I sense a kindred spirit behind this blog, a person that, had he lived upstairs from me, I would happily make friends with and sit until daft o’clock in the morning and excange views on life….That is MY reson for being here and I am not surprised at all, that a PERSON with Seans outlook on life feel compelled to reach out and care 😉 Love Vibs (Denmark)
Wow. Kinda harsh. Not sure how you came across his blog, but most of us first found it because we are fans of the actor. However, we come back because of the man, who he seems to be inside that comes out in his blog. I seriously doubt anyone who is a “fan” comes back to this blog only because he is SMOKIN’ HOT (which he is), but rather because they like what he has to say.
Omg I didn’t intend to sound harsh at all :'(. That’s the thing about written words, you can never be absolutely sure that they are recieved like you would like, plus since English isn’t my first language I might unknowingly use terms that can be misunderstood. While I wrote my comment it was with a huge smile on my face, but since I didn’t put smilies everywhere (note to myself: remember smilies) how could you guys know. I’m sorry for unintentionally comming across in a way I never intended…. Love Vibs (Denmark)
Understood. Sorry for the quick defense, not everyone understands just how much Sean has changed lives and that it is about SO MUCH MORE than just how he looks, or what movies/shows he has been in. Guess I’ve just been accused once too many times of “fan-girling” over him. Nothin’ but love for ya!
No problem 😉
You asked how I found this blog? Curiosity. I saw Seans guest appearance in my favorite series (Stargate SG-1) – looked him up…and…well….here I am ;-). I’m HUGE into selfempowerment and personal growth, so when I stumbelled over this blog I became intrigued ( I guess that is the correct term) and the deeper and further I looked it became clear to me that because of my love for sci-fi and my inate curiousity I had found a kindred spirit (Sean) and with it a whole bunch of others going in the same personal-growth direction. Which is also why I state that I would not hesitate in offering Sean my friendship – not because he has “a name” but because I sense a kindred spirit in what he does and what is so important to me,spreading self- empowerment :-). A whole bunch of love right back at ya :-).
As someone going into public health and social work, I think you hit the nail on the head with this one. If people don’t perceive themselves as able to change, change will never happen. The excuses people make show that they are taking the easy way out. Instead of actually changing their behavior, they perceive the situation as something outside of their own control. People need to take control of their health choices. They need to take control and make themselves better, but not just for their sake, but for their loved ones as well. Even skinny people need to eat better. Eating nothing but greasy fattening junk is hard on the internal organs. Unhealthy diets aren’t just linked to obesity but to diabetes, cancer, and heart disease. People are killing themselves slowly with their excuses.
Great page first of all! I have a sluggish thyroid, and PCOS. Both conditions cause weight gain and make losing weight very difficult. I didn’t take any medication for either condition, but made the decision to lose weight (not for my health, but for my self confidence level. That may sound shallow but that’s the truth) . I weighed in at 230 pounds,and I’m 5’1″. I lost 90 pounds thru pure determination. I put down the burgers, the pizza, cookies, candies…and started an intense cardio and strength training program. It was hard but worth every bit of blood, sweat and tears (literally!!!) don’t let a challenge in life keep you from reaching your goals!
WTG Meghan. Congrats on your weight loss but also your hard work and determination. You’re in inspiration! Dani
The way I view things there are two choices. Change or acceptance. When you make your choice to change then you figure out how to do that and prepare for setbacks and bumps in the road. If you choose to accept things as they are then you also must accept that you may be walking the Earth for less time. If you don’t choose either you will be in limbo and miserable forever. Thanks Sean for helping us choose to change.
Hey Sean,
I met you in Columbus and I loved the hug I received when I told you that I read your blog last November and I lost 60 pounds because of it. Well, I have more to go and its been difficult since I plateaued a few months ago. I’ve started back with some of my old habits and silently muttered those same excuses that you included in this blog.
Well, I plan to meet you again in Cincinnati in March for HH and I make a promise to you right now that I will be 40 pounds lighter than I am right now. I promise to shut down all those stupid excuse like these that wander into my brain when I’m feeling depressed or tired or broken because I’m simply killing myself. I vow to wake up everyday, look in the mirror and tell myself that my life is worth the work and the sweat and the tears; my life is valuable. If I sound like Stuart Smalley from SNL, so be it 😉
I’ve worked SO damn hard. I refuse to let my food addiction get the best of me. Thank you for, once again, inspiring me and giving me that much needed kick in the ass. It doesn’t matter what the haters say…your heart is in this for one purpose: To help.
Lots of love and my smaller self will see you in March, 2014 in Cincinnati! <3
Sorry for those sensitive to the word “fat”, but I have practiced yoga since the age 13. I posted about Pilates, now about yoga. Note, Yoga and Pilates are NOT the same practice. If you see a “yogalates” class, avert your eyes and keep walking
:http://grimmly2007.blogspot.co.uk/2013/09/fat-people-cant-do-yoga-say-whaaat-also.html
Everything Sean says is true. I could have written books on excuses for why I am overweight from genes, not eating enough, eating too much, too tired to exercise, too out of shape to exercise, etc. It’s all bull. Yes, I do have those issues but they should NOT be an excuse for me to not make myself get healthier and fitter. Will I ever be a size 4? Not a chance in hell, but you know what? that’s okay.
It took me over 30 years to realize that I wasn’t just hurting myself, but those that love me. That was very selfish of me and while I need to get over the shame of that, any step I am now taking to getting healthier (eating healthier – more veggies, less fried foods, cutting out soda, exercising) is a step I didn’t make before. But another very important thing that we all need to do is to forgive ourselves and move on. I have a very bad habit of putting myself down and that’s as detrimental to my health as eating poorly or not exercising. So to me, it’s both a physical and mental lifestyle change that I have to make and have to fight for – I know this now. I finally SEE it. I’m finally lapping those still sitting on the couch.
Sean tells it like it is and as someone with a sarcasm meter that is off the charts, I admire and love his brutal honesty because no matter how it sounds to some of us, he is doing this because he cares. And he’s trying to help us all be the healthiest and happiest person we can be. To me, more than him being a famous actor (and cute to boot! 🙂 ), that caring and determination to help others is what makes him all the more special.
This is hard. The hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but I realize that I’m strong enough to do it. Sean’s statements and support just confirm this. And while I’m still fighting this fight, I am always willing to listen and talk to others that are also fighting. So if you want a new friend for support – one that knows the struggles, please let me know.
So, from the bottom of my heart, thanks Sean. For telling it like it is and wanting to help others, like me.
Shine….until tomorrow.
Love, Dani
I absolutely LOVE your comment on “brutal love” Danielle. This blog isn’t about hurting anyone, it isn’t all about punching people in the groin or making a point out of ALLEDGETLY saying “because you didn’t take care of YOU, I (Sean) am gonna be all over you, pointing fingers and stepping on your pretty low selfesteem”. Lets face it, people who feel a need to lash out, even though NO-ONE hit them, but simply told them what they do NOT want to hear, are those who need to really pay attention!!! Those who feel hurt or get angry are those who should be grateful and thankful because SOMEONE cares enough to point out the obvios which THEY have hidden so well within themself that they fail to recognize a helping hand and mistake it for a loathing attitude. If you have been on a downward spiral of excuses and selfpunishment, loathing and have given up on yourself, then a blog like this WILL enevitably come across as a slap in the face! Those of us who get is, are on the same page as Sean! Admittedly we aren’t all as healthy and full of extra energy, but many of us ( including myself) comment on this BEA– USE WE CARE1 sEAN WROTE THIS because he cares! Too many people go though life and are very preoccupied with staring at the fluff in their navels to even realize that they might have the ability to be a light for others. IF YOU SHINE A LIGHT FOR OTHERS, IT’S LIGHT WILL FALL BACK ON YOU (Carit Etlar, Danish author) I guess THAT is the essence of Seans empowerment message, when YOU shine, that will in due time make other people realize that they want what you got, and if I can help just ONE person achieve his or her goals, be it weightloss or a kind but firm push towards daring to try…whatever that might be, then I have done what I was put on this Earth to do. I believe we are ALL divine beings and we ALL have the innate ability to be not only the creators of our own lives, but shining examples for others! Many people who suffer from low self esteem (been there, done that, got the t-shirt, so I’m not “just” pretending to know…I DO know) need someone to give them that push. For me it came in the form of a friend, who pushed me off the cliff I was standing on. I hated her all the way down to the bottom ot that cliff, but once I realized that I didn’t HAVE to hit rock bottom, that I did have within me the WILL to grow wings and soar, I loved her! When I tried to show my gratitude she simply smiled and said “you are my friend and you NEEDED that push, didn’t you?” I’m fully aware that not all people can handle a push like that, but gentle nudging can help too. Instead of laughing or shaing your head when you encounter people who could need a push or a bit of nudging, don’t do NOTHING…do SOMETHING…don’t fall in the trap of not caring. If you are strong enough to care for yourself, try to be a shining light for others – do not smother them in “this is what you need to do, cuz it worked for me”, but put the truth out there…and some will hate you for it…others will love you for it. Shine…pure and simple Love Vibs from Denmark <3
Absolutely Vibeke. Your post is right on. I suffer from low self-esteem myself so I’m aware of how sensitive I can be, but sometimes that punch in the groin as you stated, is just what some people need. I know I needed it. It didn’t matter how many times I said I’d do this or how honest I thought I was being with myself, I realize now I never really was being that honest. Now it’s less about putting myself down and more about fixing me, knowing I will never be perfect, a size 4 or even a nicer person. But I will be healthier and I will be so because I busted my butt and finally got off it – no more excuses. Thank you for your post and insight. It’s always more affirming to hear others stating what you believe so I know I’m not alone in my thoughts and feelings. Take care. Dani
Awwww thank you SO much Danielle 🙂
Low self-esteem is a bitch, pure and simple and once you suffer from it, the evil circle of self loathing, thinking degrading thoughts about yourself, that makes your low self-esteem even lower just keeps on until you get that push or kick. It is very few people who manage to stop in their tracks on their own and build their self-esteem up from scratch. I needed that wake up call from my friend to realize that what I was doing was putting myself in a place and position that did NOT reflect who I really am. I KNOW that I missed out on a lot of opportunities in my teens and twenties because I simply either didn’t dare try or because I made myself believe that failure was the only option for me, but her wake up call made me realize that I was able to challenge my demons, and the further I went along THAT line of thoughts, the more I realized how strong I truly am, how capable I am and how much I can give of myself without automatically thinking that I give too much and forget myself. I have learned to listen to myself and act accordingly. Key in all of this: BE KIND TO YOURSELF AND FORGIVE YOURSELF: f you suffer from low self-esteem you are actually punishing yourself for everything you kept yourself from doing, and in order to heal and move on you must make peace with your past. That was then, this is now 🙂 It isn’t easy…but it IS possible. I am living proof of it, and when I meet people who knew me as a child/teen do not recognize me. I used to be the type who, for example just THOUGHT about wanting to do something or to reach out to someone, but I didn’t do it. I have found letters, with stamps on them, that I wrote to different people during my teens, but didn’t dare to send. In that respect I have changed completely. If I want to be noticed and want someone to realize that “HELLO! Here I am and I want to get in touch with you”….then actually my biggest concern these days is NOT to bulldoze ahead SO much that I come across as some crazy stalker…which I am definetely NOT. It is all about balance, be nice to yourself, show empathy and kindness towards others and forgive yourself for the flaws that you DO have. Take care too dear Dani. Hugs to you from Vibs (Denmark)
I agree’ low self esteem is a bitch.I know what you are talking about. I t needs hard work to change and build the confidence.I also wrote letters that were never sent’ was afraid to speak ‘ a very introvert person who is afraid of her own shadow.I am glad it all changed
Regarding low self-esteem, people pleasing. We are taught at an early age (often by parents – not turning this into a dysfunctional childhood thing) how we are to be treated, receive love. It has taken me years of work, introspection, spirituality to have the confidence to pursue a career that I thought I would never be “good enough for”, not due to talent, but because I wasn’t “pretty enough” or “because I needed a power job to prove I was responsible and intelligent”. I had my children and experienced bliss for the first time since I found my professional calling/bliss. A horrible custody battle has torn my children apart, taken them away from me on a part time basis when I was their only caretaker for years. It forced me to fill that hole and question why I didn’t pursue my passion and dream career. I love fitness and helping others. My calling on the deepest level is something it took me 43 years to have the courage to do. Low self esteem, baggage, all that crap is an inside job. Physical fitness is the first requisite to that journey, IN MY EXPERIENCE. Love to all, Laura
I just came across one of these pics with a text, that makes you stop and think. Unfortunately this blog doesn’t seem to allow the upload of pics….even though it is very fitting in here, in this context about bullshit excuses – cuz it is all about what you might have to face when you begin to change your life and act like you know you need to…be it to achieve a weightloss or whatever….because, lets face it, you aren’t ALWAYS your worst enemy. Some people will try to keep you from changing, but here is what you got to do about them: THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO WILL TELL YOU THAT YOU CAN’T!!!! WHAT YOU’VE GOT TO DO IS TURN AROUND AND SAY “WATCH ME!!!!”
I want to make an offer to anyone in the Altanta area. If you have physical ailments, are embarrassed about going to a gym, or just need some moral support, I will offer a few free sessions to get you started. I can also give moral support. This is free to anyone who has participated in this thread. I am certified in many types of yoga (very good for those who have ailments) and I am Comprehensively Trained via Peak Pilates (Classical Pilates). I am also an ACE certified personal trainer and kettlebell certified. I can work with you one on one, just to give you encouragement or a jump start. If you are interested, you can find me on twitter – laurahuber70. This is not me trying to make money, this is a free offer. If you are willing to help yourself and need support in the Atlanta area, please follow me and send me a message. Love and peace to all.
This is killer!!!!!!!!!!!! Someone jump on this opportunity and report back!! Thank you, Laura. -S
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW…if I could I’d give you the BIGGEST hug you’d recieved EVER 🙂 🙂 🙂 Unfortunately I live too far away, but your offer is AMAZING and I hope many will jump at the opportunity and get started. Maybe this will inspire others to do something similar for others in their area. I sincerely hope so 🙂 Killer indeed !!!!! A ton of flying kisses comming your way from across the Big Pond dear Laura <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 Love Vibs (Denmark)
You can always connect via Twitter LauraHuber70 I will email you, or Skype….cheer you on. <3<3<3 back at you, my dear!
I’ll look for you 😉 I’m on Twitter too, on Skype but mainly on Facebook…you can find me under my name if you want to 😉 Love Vibs ( Denmark)
I just had an idea….for anyone not in Atlanta, there is always SKYPE…I am annoyingly resourceful at overcoming obstacles 😀
“annoying resource” LOOOL 😉 Bunch of love comming your way from the other side of The Big Pond 😉 Thank you for making me laugh just before bedtime 🙂
Laura, where in Atlanta? I would LOVE to get some Pilates tips. I’m going to follow you on Twitter, too. I love yoga so far but I honestly just started this past year, so I could use a professional’s advice 🙂
I neglected to mention, Yoga and Pilates, like any martial are are practices. They are also VERY different. If you see a class that “blends” Yogalates, you will miss the benefits. Pilates beginners are to start with a certain sequence of a handful of exercises. Until you have mastered them, you do not move on. You are retraining your body into healthy movement patterns, undoing years of unhealthy movements that are programmed into our movements over years of modern lifestyle (bending over at a keyboard, simply hunching while doing dishes). It is about economy and precision of movement. Yoga and Pilate are the safest form of exercise IF you are taught correctly. A group exercise instructor (well-intentioned I am sure) with a weekend certification is dangerous. 3 years and 500 apprentice hours plus my own personal practice is how I trained before my mentors let me touch a client. Food for thought.
My pleasure, Sean. For any of you afraid of dealing with a stranger, I will be at the Walker Stalker Con here in Atlanta this month (The Walking Dead Con). I will be a meet and greets, and have a Norman VIP pass and will be at all events (a bit embarrassed to admit I am a closet fan of Sean and Norman since Boondock Saints *blushing HORRIBLY*). Contact me if you are going ( when you aren’t chasing photo ops, etc) and I would be happy to introduce myself. My offer is sincere, don’t be shy….For those who live in Atlanta you are probably familiar with Lifetime Fitness. I used to be in management there. If you aren’t going to Walker Stalker, I can also just meet for coffee so you can see that I am not some scary person. Opportunity is knocking or NAGGING. As an aside to Sean, thanks for the tip on Alliance for Jiu Jitsu. I moved this week so will be going in next week to check it out.
For those of you out there making a change….just a note. Some people are invested in your staying “stuck”. When you change yourself, get better, lose weight, you may actually lose so-called “friends”. This isn’t a loss, be willing to let go of those who don’t support your self-improvement. Misery loves company, company you don’t need. You will find yourself surrounded by new friends, like-minded people who lift you up, cheer you on instead of holding you back. You will find out who your new friends are. Love and Peace, Laura
Amen! 😉
The same applies for all other life-changing events. Every time you grow, you risk outgrowing someone in your inner circle, but like Laura says, never let fear of standing all alone hold you back…you are not alone. Everyone commenting on this blog has a support system…all the rest of us 🙂 Love Vibs (Denmark)
Thanks to this blog and the support of reading the comments everyday i started walking everyday again. After an accident that i had a few years ago’ i stopped walking’ but i started again; and i love it’ thank you for the support’ thank you Sean for the wonderful blog’
Thank you all so much
B IG tight hug to you dear Anny <3 You're not alone sweetie. Bunch of support and love from me to you. Love Vibs (Denmark)
Thank you so much for the support’ vibeke.It means so much’.
Thank you
Sure thing dear Anny…feel free to look me up on Facebook if you want to talk more privately ( I don’t use a fancy nickname…just look for Vibeke Winther Andersen).
I have a cover that says SHINE A LIGHT FOR OTHERS, ITS LIGHT WILL FALL BACK ON YOU….it’s a quote from a Danish author that I’ve tried to live by for many years 😉 Drop me a line so I know its you 🙂
Love Vibs
Hi vibeke’ i couldn”t find you on facebook.i looked for that name’ and it doesn’t exist
Sends love, prayers and support to you full force…
Hmmmm that’s odd….I wonder if it’s allowed to put links… https://www.facebook.com/vibeke.w.andersen
if it works….you’ll be sent directly to my FB via the above 😉
Love Vibs
I don’t know what to do. If I am not smoking cigarettes I am eating non stop.. I am starting to over eat… Any suggestions?
I can only tell you what worked for me. If you want some advice let me know. Dm me at @25lbTwempirians I would love to help if you like.
When I stopped drinking about 15 years ago- yeah it was a problem, I started chain smoking. THE MOMENT I STARTED WORKING OUT (again, I had stopped for a while in self-destruct mode) I stopped cold turkey. I quit smoking and lost weight. Surround yourself with people who are taking care of their bodies. I also suggest something mind/body. Yoga actually detoxes you (the twisting moves are, lets say, cleansing)….it creates mindfulness, and you don’t want to put crap in your body. Hope this helps.
Here is a great article…for those making a change in healthy eating. This stuff DOES HAPPEN:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/eva-m-selhub-md/healthy-lifestyle-tips_b_4057532.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000003
Sean,
This is a thank you. I went to Alliance in Atlanta today. You inspired me to do something I have been wanting to do for years….expensive divorce, mommy paying ALL the bills, lots of reasons not to cough up the bucks. I went to Alliance today. I was blown away. THANK YOU for inspiring me and directing me via Twitter to the right place. Big love to you, dude! I am signing up for all access membership. I am also doing the kickboxing. I kick like a pro but punch like a girl despite practice and training (I hate to admit that). YOU ARE doing the right thing. The haters will either never change or thank you one day.
Nice!!!! I look forward to training with you sometime!
Sounds great….but I want to do it when I have a vague shot at “taking you down”or at least not completely amateur…..ha ha….Seriously, these are some of the best guys out there. And they are REAL….working in fitness, I know the difference. I am so grateful. Thanks again. I admit, it would be a fun goal to “take down Sean”….HA!
Taking down a pan am champ would be an awesome goal! In 10-15 yrs or so lol 🙂
I am very patient…..I don’t commit to anything until I know it is long term. I was kidding, sure I wouldn’t take him down, but train to with him….would be kick ass.
I was being a smart ass lol my goal is to destroy him too lmao 😉
Lol Laura….taking on a black belt fighter…I guess you’re gonna need some help….I wonder if Sean is ticklish? 😀 NOT a word about fighting fair….he he
Laura can do the fighting, and I can crab-crawl behind sean on my hands and knees to send him tumbling back when she takes her first shot. Then the tickling can begin.
I just want to extend a HUUUUUUGE “thank you” to you Sean, for running this blog and for all of the inspiration I extract off of the pages and its comments. Trying to get back into shape and breaking the habbit of self-pity-eating (there…I said it!!!) isn’t easy. I WANT to get back to where I was 5 years ago, petite, fit….after a workrelated accident that cost me dearly – I’ve mentioned it before, but not in detail – I balanced all the years of working in the mediaindustry as a radio-host out by working as a caretaker for the elderly, because on many levels the glam/glitz media-world is a fantasy world, and you can so easily get swept off your feet and….well, it is important to stay grounded imo, regardless of what part of that industry you move around in – for me, the “staying grounded” solution was working with the elderly….well anyways – 5 years ago I was at the wrong place at the wrong time. Tending to an extremely obese lady. She lost her balance and in a split second descision grabbed my arm and we both tumbelled to the ground. She caught me off guard completely and the force with which she twisted my arm was so great that she snapped the largest biceps tendon in my arm (PAINFULL!!!!!) I had surgery and a long period of rehab, my arm is 90% good again, a bit weaker than prior to the accident and a bit less mobile, but i manage…I did lose my job though and during the entire process I fell into the “I feel sorry for myself” trap and began to snack plus I went from a very active job where I easily walked up and down stairs and rode at least 18 miles on my bike every single day, to sitting on my butt, waiting for my arm to heal and my selfpity to lessen…HELLO 35 unwelcome lbs 🙁 Now I’m finally at a point where I’m done trying halfheartedly…I still have 20 lbs (preferably more) that needs to come off….and that’s where YOU guys come in….I need that KICK IN THE BUTT on a daily basis to keep going and get back on track permanently…From the bottom of my heart THANK YOU <3 Love Vibs (Denmark)
Hi Sean…
I know you’ll give me some sound advise here… my 5 year old wants to be involved in some form of MA… 1. What should I look for when choosing a program for him? 2. Is he old enough??? He’s a pretty mature 5 ear old (I know that sounds fucking ridiculous but it’s true), but, I worry if that could be too much responsibility… Maybe I’m over thinking this…
Thanks,
<3
While reading this and ALL of the comments I can’t help but wonder……when is part 2 coming????
It’s time for me to completely shed the “omg-I-feel-so-sorry-for-myself” attitude and get going. I’ve put a youth pic of myself up on my wall on FB as a constant reminder. I have comitted myself to some yoga-classes, mindfulness and different kinds of excercises to rebuild my strenght…and I was approached today by someone from a project called “The Way In Is The Way Out” a training-programme that uses different platforms such as aquafitness, martial arts, spinning, zumba….all aimed at getting off my BUTT and really do something to shed the “fattie-suit” and get back into shape. I jumped at the opportunity….and with this status update I have comitted myself both here and also on FB to push on FULL THROTTLE and reclaim the slender me…
Just to share this with someone, my weight is now 70 kilos!!!! I have lost 10 kilos since April!!! This is my own birthday gift, on my 26’th birthday I’m finally able to fit on everything I want to wear, I’m healthy, happy, and gracefull!!!!!
Though I don’t agree with everything you say, which no one should agree with everything a person says. I love the fact that you came out and said what most people think. Do I have a weight issue yes to some degree. Am I working on it yes. Thanks to you I’m working harder at it. Please continue to inspire the world . You are adorable and I just love you to death.
I love this post!!! I used to be one of those people who make excuses. I’ve lost weight in the past, then gained it all back and more! I had no self-control. I started my healthy lifestyle on November 1, 2012. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism in Januay 2013 and now have it managed with meds. I did lose weight before I was diagnosed, so it is possible. I started working out at a gym in May, but before that, I would exercise at home (Wii Games, dancing around the room, etc). I love food, and now I love healthy food. I eat less and still enjoy my favorite “snacks” in moderation. If I can do it, anyone can! No more excuses!
Thumbs up dear Cindy. I am the same – lost some, gained most back, felt sorry, made excuses…and so on and so forth. dawned on me when I stumbelled over Seans blogs that I need someone breathing down my neck to make sure that I get the job done! I don’t kick myself for allowing myself a snack in moderation, but instead of stuffing my face every time I feel like it I first go to the mirror, twirl in front of it and decide that “I don’t need 10 cookies”. I still need to lose 25 lbs, but I take it one lbs at a time <3 BIG hugs to you…we'll both get there sweetie <3
I have found this blog super entertaining. I so glad I found this, because it is breath of fresh air. But, Anyone who has ever been Obese has at one point in their life looked at themself in the mirror, while in their underwear and been disgusted with themself. When I started dieting, I weighed in at 305.2 lbs, I am an emotional eater. I say am because it is a daily battle to not stuff my face. It was hard to lose the weight, and to be honest, I would have never gotten inspiration from this blog. It would have pissed me off and I probably would have found comfort in a BK Cheeseburger. My inspiration came from daughter coming in my room and playing the “bongos on mommy’s Jiggly belly.” I have stretch marks and they are my trophy marks as I like to call them. I look at them and I see who I use to be and who I am now, they aren’t beautiful to society, but to me I wear them with pride. . I am not defined by my weight, but by the fact that I chose to be healthy. But here I am 135 lbs and I look in the mirror now, I don’t see a new person, I see a stronger person because over the years, I never gave up.
(Y)
Sean, I have no idea if you read these comments, but I’m going to write this as if you do. And I’m surrounded by a bunch of rambling teenagers, so if I’m all over the place, I apologize 🙂 Remember the blue haired girl in the Fucking Fabulous shirt at Nashville ComiCon? Now remember her pissy, overweight mother who barely smiled or said a word? Yeah…that was me. Four months ago we were in a wreck that totally screwed up my lower back for a while. Just standing in those lines SUCKED because it hurt so bad. All the lying around and unable to workout caused me to gain almost 40 lbs. My grandmother died…the only mother I will ever have, and on my birthday of all days…totally messed me up. I didn’t care about anything, especially myself, and it showed. I have been reading a little of this every day these last couple of weeks. This is my favorite though. My back is able to do the workouts…I was just telling myself it wouldn’t let me. I’ve already dropped 6 lbs, I’m gaining my muscle back and I WILL be back to normal by the time Louisville ComiCon comes around in March. Yup, you have to see us again. I want to go to one where I can be happy, have fun with my kid, and not glare at the world like I want to kill them all. Hopefully my sister, who is a HUGE fan of yours, will be with me then too. Until then…
This has been a help to me, can I have a couple tips from you to help stay healthy and loos weigh. I got to the gym everyday for 1 hr and 45 min. I have noticed an improvement and was wondering if you could help me keep off the weight and stay healthy?
Hi Sean, Gosh I have to say I really like this post and it is something I have decided to read every day as a tool of motivation to help me along my newly discovered path to a better me.
So many times in my life, in every stage of my life really I have looked at my self in the mirror and thought ‘God what am I doing to myself? I’m choosing unhealthy options, over feeling good about myself, over 20+ more years of living I am robbing myself and my loved ones of because I choose to destroy my god given vessel with junk food and chemicals I’ve never even heard of, because my excuse is it makes me feel better in the moment! Not really understanding the long term damage it is causing.’ At 23 I now I feel like I am at a cross roads, because when you struggle with your self imagine basically 99% percent of your life and then one morning your struck with a realisation so heartbreaking it really makes you stop and finally breakdown and actually care. And that realisation is it’s all because of you. It’s all your own fault, no one else just you, you’ve chosen this road, and I had that just the other day, I think I’ve finally seen that I need to take care of myself, I live my life, I view it from my eyes, I breathe it every day I wake up in the morning, and I deserve to be happy, I deserve to finally look in the mirror and like what I see.
I do partially have to give you credit for my new outlook on things though, seeing you constantly talking about how much better your life can be if you just quit with the bullshit excuses and just get on with it really hits me hard in the chest, (basically it’s the big kick up the ass I’ve needed all my life!) And listening to you and reading your blogs & hearing your opinions really does help whip my whole view on life the right way round, so I humbly thank you.
Anyway I just wanted to let you know that you are an inspiration whether you choose to believe that or not, and if we ever meet I would love to just shake your hand and say thank you. And hopefully sometime in the near future the day will finally come where I won’t cry when I see myself in the mirror but will just smile and say ‘beautiful girl just SHINE… UNTIL TOMORROW.’
God bless you &
Many warm wishes
Casey
I meant to respond to this back when it was posted. I am the excuse queen! I lost 55 lbs gained 25 of it back over 2 months. Now I’m back to losing again. I let food take control but I’m back to my healthy eating. Been working out with my trainer 3 times a week now I’m kicking my cardio up to 5 times a week for an hr. I’m tired of looking in the mirror and seeing the person I don’t want to be on the outside. NO MORE EXC– USES!! I did this to myself. It’s gonna take a hell of a lot of hard work and discipline to get back to my goal weight of what I was in high school but I can push to the end!!
I have given this a lot of thought. I am going to turn over a new leaf this year. I always say that I am going to lose weight every year and it just doesn’t happen. I do it and then I quit because I lose the willpower to keep it going. I had lost 50 pounds and then I quit. Well, today was my birthday and I am now 36 years old. I have a herniated disc in my back and very bad knees. I have been told that if I don’t lose weight, I will have to have knee replacement surgery. I am not going down that road. Today, it starts. I am a single mother of two who wants to make her life better and to be happy.
Just wanted to give an update on my weight loss. Since I started in January, I have lost almost 25 pounds and I am starting to feel pretty good about myself. I also met Sean for the first time this past Saturday at HorrorHound in Cincinnati and it was great. I was also able to thank him for the inspiration with my weight loss journey. I plan to keep going forward until I reach my goal weight and always Shine until tomorrow. Thanks Sean!
That is no small feat. Kuddos
Hi Sean,
I don’t know how I got to your blog, but found your thoughts spot on! And you posted this on my birthday so maybe I needed to think about this stuff. I was wondering if you thought about the deeper issues – I think I can talk about energy without being taken as a nut job (since you are into martial arts). It’s a good idea for people to look deeper into what energy (experiences/thoughts/feelings/issues) they are carrying around that is manifesting their ‘fat-fuck-ed-ness’. I can use that description since I’m in that particular boat and I have a tendency to make fun of anything that causes me pain. I know what my issues are manifesting my extra weight, but I think your post has me looking even deeper. I suppose I need to figure out why the last last time I began changing my mind and losing weight, the first guy that asked me out was a pedophile. I ran screaming for mommy and grabbing the first donut I could find. 😀 Anyway, thanks for sparking me to dig deeper into my own special brand of shit.
Thanks for your honesty. The issue about trauma, PTSD, sex abuse is one than keeps many women in fear of their beauty….as if it is OUR fault that others are sick. It took me decades to realize that. I have been in fitness for a while. However, I am training for a figure competition because the concept of strutting on stage showing myself off at my best terrifies me. For the same reason you ran for the donut. Sean recommended a place for Jiu Jitsu. Unfortunately I joined and have been training/working. I have to make time for it. Personal/self defense is empowering. I hope I have in some way helped, if only to say your reaction is NORMAL, and the courage to dig deep into your shit is rare. One counselor told me once, “Stop sitting in your shit cause it’s warm”. LOL…it’s true!
Love to you.
Oh my goodness, Laura. I’m so proud of you to even begin the training, and now being even braver to be on stage. Good for you! It makes me smile thinking of your strength, and I know you will be great. The pedo guy came along when I was 42 (a few years ago) — thank god my neighborhood knew who was living in our area so I understood who he was and didn’t have to find out the hard way. Pun intended. 😀
Yes, I have faced my past traumas from childhood, but maybe you have something there — where I haven’t faced the fact that it wasn’t my fault for people being sick.
Love back to you, sweetie.
wow. totally wow. i have been to skinny (I am 5’9″ and lowest weight was 93 llbs) and I have been to heavy ( after my daughter, I was 192) it has been a constant battle to find a “happy medium”, and all that really needed to be done was dig deep enough and want to be healthy. I do have a tendancy to not eat and over exercise if I feel that I am looking to heavy, but at the same time, i learned to dig deep and find what my triggers are. I try to stay away from them as much as possible.
I was in karate classes (which I loved-the discipline and physical exercise) sparring with my instructor was such a release! But I had to stop classes after I was in a car wreck (I was run over, as a pedestrian, when I put my son on a school bus and a car went around the bus and ran me over when I was going back across the street) at any rate, there had been much love and support from my karate class, and when I got the go ahead from the dr that I could go back, and I love every minute of it.
I have seen many ppl come up with many excuses as to why they cant be healthy. For me its not just being healthy for my kids, as a good example. Its more than that. I want to be healthy for them, but I also have a “bucket list.” And there is many things on that bucket list that cant be completed if I am to heavy, or to skinny, for that matter. Dig deep and find what its going to take, and anyone can do it.
Thanks Sean for mentioning the FAT excuse thing. Your being a coach to us. If no one cares enough to nag or keep it on my mind, then nothing will get done. We need people to motivate us. Especially a Man with great skin, hair and muscle tone. I can appreciate it a little more from you than John Sena (Who is doing a great health promo right now) cause he is over built. STAY ON MY ASS BABY !!!!
Man oh man! Sean you do know how to start up a conversation!!! 18 months ago i was 65 pounds heavier. I’d never been to this site or the Shiners group or even knew either existed. i dropped 20 like taking of shoes. The heavier you are, the easier it is to lose an initial 5 pounds because that’s mostly water. If you need the hype, celebrate those 5 pounds but don’t advertise it until you’re in double digits.
In the office I worked at, the girls and I jokingly picked on each other but only if the pick-ee picked on herself first. We were talking about weigh loss and they all knew about my back and how in a year I had ballooned up almost 100 pounds stuck in a ninja turtle back brace that I could barely sit in. Someone was down 8 pouds… another 12… someone else gained back 2 pounds… I said…I lost 2 pounds (all eyes on me) ONCE! So we laughed.
That’s why I say wait until you’re over 10 to outwardly celebrate. So I lost 20 pounds in 3 months. Don’t ask how…. it just happened! I had fallen in love with the thicker greek yoghurt with the fruit at the bottom. I would joke that mixing the fruit from the bottom of the little container with the yoghurt on some days is all the exercise I FEEL like doing. So, rather than getting a Little Debbie snack cake I would get a 100 calorie yoghurt. (Did you know that your average apple also has 100 calories?? but it has the added benefits of vitamins and fiber. Gold’s Gym had an apple diet 15or more yeas ago that if you ate an apple before each meal you would lose weight because the fiber would fill you up. I’m not sure how that worked in the long run.) Also, I bought melons all the time. I could eat 1/4 of a seedless watermelon in a day. half of a cantaloupe the next day, seedless grapes (14 is serving) and bananas. I was a fruit fly!!! but I also kept boiled eggs on hand and string cheese snacks on hand.
Now another 8 months later I’m down 34 more pounds.. If I settle for 175 I only need lose 9 pounds more. But 150 is looking good. Not sure. Have to see how my body responds. I was stuck at maintaining the initial 20 pounds gone for at least 4 months.
Any of us can do it. We don’t have to be thin as straws. We need to be able to walk up 5 flights of stairs in two minutes or less WITHOUT hyperventilating! Personally anyone above 5 flights just isn’t worth visiting….JUST KIDDING! I can’t take the stairs anyway. I can do steps… not staircases. Especially coming back down. Never know when a spasm will occur and I don’t want to die ass over end with my nect broken at the bottom of a stairwell.
Ask your doctor how much weight he wants you to lose in three months (10 is the average). Go back for another check up. Asn the same question. Do what he says. go back. do it again. You may not have to lose 170 pounds to be HEALTHY if you are doing moderate activity, counting your steps, and changing your diet. if you lost 50 and KEPT THEM OFF with the three things above, you’ve added life to your heart and lungs, opened your arteries again, and are stronger and have a better sex drive because you have STAMINA!
I’m in a crapload of pain so I’m stopping. But the Captain, when it comes to health, is black and white. No gray area. You either try to get healthy or you are failing yourself. And to Cosmo, your obesity DOES effect others. If you get your insurance thru your employer, EVERYONE’S premiums go up a percentage for every overweight person that is covered. I worked for Blue Cross and that’s why they gave us free gym membership, to slim the masses so our own insurance as employees could eventually cover us as well as we covered our clients.
ok, over and out. Aye, Aye Captain! Shine until tomorrow!
Captain….. Today sucks sauerkraut! I’m in a high level of pain from doing things I’m not supposed to. It’s still over three weeks until my new pain management visit but I can’t just lie in bed all that time, tho my sons implore me to because they know all too well my pain and what it does to me. I cut my ballet portion in half today and focused mostly on the stretches at the handrail rather than plies. I did my full Salsa time. Am now cooling down with the massage chair working out some kinks. Today’s salsa routine was in a higher heel, so that added some extra effort to it. Kind of like adding incline to a treadmill. Especially since in Salsa the heel rarely, if ever, touches the floor. Elvis Crespo is my fave for Salsa. Andrea Bocelli for stretches. Lady Gaga for isometrics and such. I wish I knew if you read these anymore. They all seem so dated and you haven’t written in a couple of months.
Ahhhh… three vertebrae popped!!!! When I was at one shop this morning I kept freaking the cashier out because the line was long and I was in pain so I kept crouching down to one knee and putting my forehead on the standing knee. He kept asking if I was alright and I assured him I was, I was just in pain. He evidently signaled to the manager because the next thing I know things are being taken out of my buggy and I’m handing over my card. That was nice of them and I thanked them for their kindness. The manager turned out to be a guy from my hometown and he asked why I was out doing errands in pain, didn’t I have grown kids. I laughed and said yes, but they wouldn’t take me where I want to go. There’s a lot you give up when you become disabled. Freedom is the hardest. Even inside a store or mall, I like to LOOK and FEEL things. When I’m in my chair being driven into the heels of people in front of me I cringe! I prefer wheeling myself, but I hurt myself doing that too. So, I make lists and explain why I want what I want. And some days I wake up early, steal the keys, and go out and about like life before THE BACK. I need to lie on the floor and let a small child walk across my back!!!! But, all my godchildren are getting in middle school and higher now and it’s way too early for grandchildren. It’d just be creepy to go next door and ask the Gonzalez’s if Mrs. Gonzalez would do it. She’s all of 4′ and maybe 75 pounds! Hold on, have to finish up with some stretches…I am gonna HURT tomorrow!!! What else is new??? lololol I did it. I did my routine today even though I was run over by a steam roller, rolled up in a wad and thrown into a trash compactor and thrown out onto the heaps at the dump. Yeah, the endorphins have helped a little, but the electric sparks are starting to fire up again. Going to “fall out”, now. Even tho this relationship is imaginary, it at leasts gives me a place to write and keep check of myself!
I am in Johns Creek. I would be happy to talk with you. You can contact me via twitter and find me on facebook via my email. I can the PM you my number and we can talk. Anytime. Thanks for reaching out 🙂
This is the first time that I have read your blog and I am shocked and a little sad from some of the excuses you provided and then by the way you added descriptive comments in parentheses. Yes we should all try to be our healthiest and eat right and be there for loved ones. BUT there are always extenuating circumstances to each individual person. The one comment that really irked me and down right pissed me off was the big boned one. There are people who are “big boned”. They have a heavier bone density than most which also means they have thicker bones hence they do weigh a little more and are big boned. I am one of those people. I also know that when I did get down to my “weight class” for my height I looked like a strung out junkie and was constantly asked if I starved myself or what hard street drug I was using. I even got turned down for a job I was qualified for because the company had an image to uphold and even though I passed my drug screenings they could not have their customers thinking they hired drug users.
I understand what you are trying to say and put forth to your fans and all but maybe just maybe before writing something again on the lines of this blog you just stop and think a little. Do more research on the topic or what ever.
P.s. i have never used being big boned as an excuse as to why i am a little overweight I’m a little overweight because i love my pastas and i am not giving them up anytime soon.
I stand behind the entire list. “Big boned” is not a license for obesity. Most healthy people love pasta too, but it is always countered with enough workout to compensate. If you are willingly exchanging being overweight for your love of pasta, then you have made your choice… but that choice has consequences that most likely won’t show up until it’s too late.
Insomnia combined with reading posts about complaining….I have to say something. Every single excuse I have heard. Every one posted here. To those who are willing, I have helped them change. Willingness and not long rants about excuses and calling Sean “mean for picking of physical traits” is nothing but whining. You are willing or you aren’t. I have been a battered wife who’s life is still threatened by her ex, I was an abused child – every form of abuse, struggled with chronic depression, now years of physical injuries (FINALLY have gotten over the onslaught of physical stuff). I refuse to destroy my body because of it. Become a warrior for yourself. Your body is a manifestation of your physical, spiritual and emotional wellbeing and the struggles you chose to overcome or not overcome. Life sucks. Why destroy your body over it? How about using it a a vehicle for overcoming. I love the posts about growth and change. If you aren’t here for that, you are wasting your time here, With all do respect, if you want to stay stuck, move along, there is nothing to see here. Best thing a therapist told me a long time ago. “stop sitting in your shit because it’s warm”.
Not sure it is worth much…I am 45, 320lbs and I am working on it. I have suffered with anxiety and depression for years. Went on meds that made weight shoot up and energy go down. Not making excuses, because I have lived completely off the chart my whole life. Soft drinks, beer, processed and fast foods, smoking a pack and a half for 26 years…
This past March, I came off my presciption meds, thought I was going to die at first, but body couldn’t take it anymore. Slowly started changing my eating. Stopped smoking in August 2013, changed to eating more whole foods, nearly ended soda (1 a week at most), started walking, knees and anlkes hurt too bad so I got a stationary bike. When I started, 5 minutes nearly killed me. Now I am doing 10 minutes 3 times a day, 5 days a week. I just went back to Karate class after 30 years…
I’m still obese, still over 300, but I am trying. It didn’t take overnight getting here and it will take time to get off. I’m not sure what to do, but I’m doing something.
Just found your site and browsing. This really struck a chord. 100% truth up there and not just about weight or being healthy. We need to respect and love ourselves…before we can ever hope to give or get the same from others. We all make excuses for our bad choices and when someone shines a light on the truth we get defensive. Shows you where your head and heart is at. Reality check 101.this was a revelation for me to get back to making better choices for ME and it has nothing to do with weight or food lol. Life lessions come in all forms. Take them when you find them! ps I lost 126#s 14 yrs ago and have gained back only 8….and stopped smoking cold turkey 5 yrs ago after 27 yrs of that habit (read:crutch) started when i was 11!! Daily struggle but life IS daily….hard work but sweet rewards friends. #nevergiveup Stephanie @stephntx
I just started following you on Twitter and came across this blog through there. This is very true and inspiring. I am just beginning my weight loss journey and probably 75% of these excuses have come out of my mouth. NO MORE! I will do it and is there no reason I can’t. Thank you for caring about your fans and their health!
“Just wait til you have kids!”
Well, I have seven children. I tend to use them as an excuse to have fun. When they took karate, I took karate.When they took horseback riding,I took horseback riding. When they played flag football with their friends, I played with them.
Don’t just watch your kids, join them! It’s a lot more fun and keeps you young.
I just found this blog today and thought I’d reply. We’ve been watching The Young Indiana Jones series. Love all the history intertwined into the story.
I used to be active. Ran. Gym. Dance. One day pain set into my knee
for years I had x rays that showed nothing. Walking gave me such
excruciating pain. Finally after years (and 50lbs gained)
I had a doctor listen to me and did an MRI where they discovered
a large soft tissue tumor. Thankfully benign…
dilemma. I have since developed anxiety and agoraphobia and
going to tge gym is a struggle. Any tips on no cost ways
to burn calories at home. I can’t afford equipment on
my fixed income
Hi Sean and thank you so much for this blog. You know it amazes me how people can get very much on the defense when they have health issues. I used to weigh 248 lbs due to many reasons. Medications, not wanting to deal with issues that had caused me to lose not just my health, but job and almost at one point my very life. You get to a point that you look in the mirror and start to realize even back then. Just how selfish I was. I was a single Mom with three kids and went from having my first house in my own Awesome job and all kinds of crazy goodness. Than I got sick. I became withdrawn. Lost my job due to the illness I had and still have today. (Though I have a better grip on what I am dealing with.) Point is; I went from 202 to 248 in months. Due to the meds I was on for depression and what not I was terrified. I lost my home, and for a few months we lived in a motel. It has been almost seven years now. I have gone from a size 22 to a size 14. My doctors are thrilled and so am I. Though it’s been hard and I really had wished I had seen this blog sooner. But better late then never right? I am still facing a lot and that is ok. To know that people like you out there care. That speaks loads. Thank you for th time you give up out of your busy she dual to write these. It is why you have the fan base you do.oh for the record…I can’t always work out due to limitations at times. Though all this works. Take pride with in yourself and you will show it on the outside.
This is a shout-out to Sean and all the folks involved in Shining from someone new to the gang. I first found the group on facebook, and Sunny White is SUCH an inspiration… So HOLLA to Sunny specifically! 🙂
I’ve been reading through about a year’s worth of posts here, and I see quite clearly that my very *valid* reasons for weight gain have been my excuses and crutches. No hate hat on my head for the challenge put forth here. I want to truly LIVE again, and I only get there on occasion it seems. I have Chronic (Late-Stage) Lyme Disease. It affects each person differently. I’ve had it for over 20 yrs and only was diagnosed November 2013. I immediately had to cut out gluten, cut way back on sugar, and be very careful with dairy, because these are things we consume that cause inflammation in our bodies. Lyme is possibly a door to freedom, and I won’t let it be an excuse. The treatment is hardcore IV antibiotics for months to years. The goal is to put it into remission, so any cheat on the diet is just feeding it to stay. After over a decade of surgeries without a true root cause for the health problems I experienced I finally know the cause. So, all the hurdles I face daily due to Lyme will lesson with healthy choices, and that is going to bring out the healthiest side of me, and my SHINE. I don’t like being overweight, and I’ve lost about 15 lbs over the past year even while laid up for much of that time, so I know I can and will make progress by adding exercise and tweaking my diet even more. I was not especially healthy, but I was a healthy weight in my teens through my 20’s, and I am going to get back to that healthy weight with better health. I cannot have children, but I can adopt and/or foster someday, and I have a 6yo niece who is the love of my life. (Can you get any more Irish than Aiden Quincy McCullough?)
I am no longer a victim waiting to get hit with the next round of bad news. Time to get proactive. We ALL have hurdles unique to us. I just needed this kick in the ass to get me focused. Thank you Sean, and thank you to each person here. Y’all are such an inspiration!
Much Love!
Shannon McCullough
I rather enjoyed this post, its truthful yet very funny most times, for me I have no excuses and more like than the little hate of being chubby, It is an awesome get out there and help yourself post. I’m very sure your positivity is helping alot of people right now.
^-^ Hannah C ^-^
I appreciate it!
You’re welcome, and I appreciate you, and each person here who is working through his/her demons in life (the lies we tell ourselves).
Anytime:) surprised and happy that you reply’d keep up the positivity^-^ Hannah C^-^ now im going to go make chicken taquitos home made no freezer stuff ick!
Damn, it’s like World War Three broke out up in the comments section LOL!!! I gotta sound off on the health problems excuse. I have Dyautonomia which has the same symptoms of congestive heart failure. Talk about an obstacle-exercising when you pass out just standing. That being said, I still drag my semi-conscious ass to the gym for cardiac rehab three times a damn week and do what I have to do! They have to hook me up to a heart monitor and watch me the whole time and I am only allowed to do recumbent exercises, but I still bust my ass!!!!! All the excuses are a bunch of shit. It just boils down to “get busy livin or get busy dyin”!!!
Well put!
Did you know: A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it. 😉 Just kidding… After having my second child, I wanted to get in shape again. I always thought that it would be hard, gut after a week, I actuallyenjoyedit….
Hello, I will make this short but I recently became a widow at 35 yrs old. My husband of 10 years died quickly, violently & unexpectedly. He was an avid Martial Artist as well in JKD. We were learning Wing Chun together. Since his passing, I have had the hardest time being motivated for anything–much less being healthy. I have been a fan of yours since you did the Young Indiana Jones show. I was playing on the Internet and came across this site in hopes that I can find my motivation again. Thank you for this. Sincerely Ginger
I read this when you first posted it, Sean. Your straight-forward way of communicating spoke to me, but it ended there. I wasn’t ready to do anything about my health. I am probably 30 pounds overweight now, and I’m ready to do something about it. I have issues with eating according to my moods and I eat way too much sugar. I haven’t listened to my body when it’s telling me I need to change my ways. I worked on Black Friday and irritated my back when I was running around the store helping people. What a wake up call! I’m 23! I don’t like being so out of shape that I can’t do my job without hurting. I want to be in shape for my mental, physical, and spiritual well-being. Seriously, I’ve always wanted to wear a bikini at the waterpark, too. lol. All this to say that I’m making a commitment here on this blog to 1) Eat a balanced, healthy “diet”. This includes listening to my body when it says I’ve had enough or that something doesn’t make me feel good. 2) Consistently exercise throughout the week (at LEAST three times a week for half an hour) 3) Turn to God in prayer instead of food when I’m sad, angry, stressed, or otherwise in a bad mood….then do something active. I want to be accountable to you, Sean, so I will check back with you via either your blog or Twitter and let you know what’s happening over the next three months. Is that cool? Cool. 🙂 Thanks for inspiring me to shine.
Very good!!!!
Your words, “Gratification, Delay It”, kept me from those candy bar cupcakes, pumpkin pie, pound cake and all the other goodies this holiday weekend, could hear them in my head lol, Thank You 😉
Question for anyone who’s had success with motivating a spouse – I am getting nowhere with it. I understand that he’s an adult, and there’s no way I can make him do anything, but we have four boys (ages 7-14) here at home who need him and the man has a family history that isn’t stellar healthwise as far as we know. His birth mother died young from a laundry list of health issues and his mom just had triple bypass due to many years of poor diet and disregard (more like scorn) for exercise so he has a double whammy on the nature/nurture scale. He’s showing some of the same conditions which his birth mother had already. He used to be a black belt (TKD) but has lapsed and now does absolutely nothing. Ironically enough, I counter my daytime desk job by moonlighting as a group fitness instructor, and when it comes to motivating anyone except my husband, I am pretty damn good at it. I can kick your ass and make you smile all at once 😉 I try not to nag him to hit the gym too much since I know he wants no part of my “Body Pump shit” or whatever other class I am teaching — he HATES it that I teach this stuff — and I know that approach won’t work anyway but if he doesn’t do something soon I fear he’s going to leave this team of boys without a captain. I am just as bullheaded as he is so I get that I will never be able to force him, but perhaps someone has a better idea? I’ve tried the gentle approach too, but no luck there either.
Sounds to me like he’s depressed. Lack of interest in things he used to enjoy is a clear sign of depression. So is not caring about his health.
…calm down Sean…
Of course there´re health reasons for having weight problems!
Not long ago you´ve had yourself a few Ibs more (and don´t blame the camera!) 🙂
*more to love and hug – some kind of “erotic using area”* ;-D
You´ve found your way.
There´re people who don´t have the possibility to get there that easy.
But great respect, Sean!
Respect for doing all that hard work and having all that discipline.
(…also I have to say I would lick almost everything from that body – either with or without that Ibs more or less) 😉
But first I want to apologize for my English. When it sounds kinda weird I´m outta training. Talking, listening and reading is even more easy than writing. I´m from Germany and unfortunately the people I´m with don´t speak any foreign languages at all.
All right now…
Every man has its reasons for being the way he is or looks like. But most of them don´t recognize (but if they´re doing fine within let them be the way they want).
For sure there can be thyroid problems. And if you don´t take the right medicine always at the same time – it won´t work. Only if it´s the right combination and it will be taken the same hour ´n´ minute each day it´ll help.
About me:
I don´t have the money going to gym. I don´t smoke and hardly don´t drink. I never ate a burger or chili dog. And I don´t eat lots of ice cream or anything else that way.
I´m trying to eat as healthy as possible but it´s expensive.
– Everytime life´s kicking me in my butt I´m getting more on the scale without having eating problems!
I´m not fat but it´s more weight than normal. I´m not feeling well about that but I can´t change (no excuse!). *there´re women spending lots of money getting that boobs and booty*
I got a dog, Elana, and so I´m doing sports. It´s not just going round the block :-/
She´s my motivation, my best friend, my coach and my muse.
Min 5 days a week we´re biking as fast as possible for about 10 – 20 km and anything else we´re able to do. She´s a Kelpie-Mix and she´s got so much power I have to do workout.
I had to go from one doc to the next finding out what´s wrong with me. They told me it´s psychological!
I´ve lost my job and therefore I have to be careful on spending my money.
So, every time my body is running on the back burner (can I explain it that way? -to “economize myself”?) my body seems to stock up itself (I hope you understand what I wanna say).
In fact I´m getting more weight because of eating not enough or/and eating not often enough.
Once I was fasting about 6 weeks – I´ve lost no gram!
At that time I´ve had a very bad relationship – one day the man was gone, the weight also did.
(I was afraid of him and so it took time for me getting the strenght for doing that step).
You see you can´t always blame it on lazyness and excuses. Sometimes it depends on circumstances we´re not slightly able to deal with.
Though I´m not relaxing and waiting for my own private wonderland with that knight in shining armour; but also I don´t wanna complain but I´m no lucky devil at all.
I always had to fight for everything in my life.
I´ve had chances (e.g. an invitation to HAW) but sometimes you have to choose for what´s more important to you. Of course I would like to “bite me in my butt”: Shit happens
I´m not very good in caring about myself but I´m great in caring about the ones I love.
I would love living my dreams… Packing up my pets and starting somewhere new.
But how to get there?
I´m tired of fighting – but also tired of sleeping. Knowing what I´m able to without getting the chance to proof because of a fucking bureaucracy.
I must confess I´m not sure if I´m really talking to you, Sean. If you´re really reading these words. Maybe I´m just talking to Wendy Sheperd (no hard feelings dear) – and of course to all the fans out there.
I think you´re a very interesting person and someone people would love having him as a part of their lifes. I guess it must also be very interesting talking to you about things in life.
People are the results of their experiences! …and everyone´s got his own reasons for being the way he is. Even most of us won´t know.
There´s no way to getting lucky – being lucky is the way 😉
Well… If you ever get to Germany be sure you´re heartly welcome.
Some cup of coffee or tea is just waiting for you ;-D
Kisses to Donut! And also big doggy hugs from my Mad Dog Elana!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
I’m back here, to the same entry that got me motivated and gave me that kick in the pants I needed 7 months ago, to get that motivation in full gear again. The holidays can be hard to get through (not making excuses but it is hard lol) but I made it with maybe a few slips here and there (I won’t lie) but overall I am proud of myself and of course with you and this site as motivation it did make it a easier. Hope to meet you this year so I can say “thanks” in person but if not, thanks again. After so many years of making excuses it was you and your blog that finally got my head on straight, Happy New Year, You deserve all the best for all that you do, and here’s to getting those veggies in… (I’m trying) Much Love P.S. We need more people like you in this world, you are truly one of a kind 😉
There are some thing that can make losing weight almost impossible. Food addiction, for example is a real thing – and contributes to obesity.
Personally, I went through a horrible time with food addiction, I used to be extremely thin – due to anxieties, depression, and emotional issues I gained A LOT of weight. I ended up being 350 pounds (which scared me.) January 2015 was a turning point, so I decided I was going to face the issue head on. Since January I have lost over 150 pounds – and I feel amazing! I didn’t realize how bad my weight effected my body. I still have 60 pounds to go, and I’m just excited for the journey.
I haven’t had sugar since January, no soda, no breads, no heavy meals – and it’s just as fulfilling! Who knew healthy clean eating was so delicious.
Excuses will only go so far, sooner or later you’ll have to face the issues that make you overeat, be under-active, and CHEAT YOURSELF! You may sneak or cheat on your diet, but YOU still know you did it! Don’t cheat yourselves..
Much love & Respect!
Shelly
January of 2014 – excuse the typo!
I just want to say thank you to Sean and everyone on this post. The motivation that all of you have given me has saved my life. I have lost 60 pounds and I am aiming to lose another 40. I recently participated in the Boston Heart Health Study. The results came in yesterday and I am so happy to report that I have a completely healthy heart due to all of the work I have done in the last 8 months. This blog is amazing and life saving. Thank you so much Sean. I hope to thank you in person some day! You have changed my life forever.
Very happy for you. God bless.
A year ago I would’ve hated this blog post, because I was guilty of MANY of these excuses. Funny how we can tell when others are lying to us, but we swallow our own lies. A year ago I took a hard look, dropped the excuses, and got busy. I am in great shape and never felt better. I still have a bit to go, but I have no plans of going back. Thanks for telling it like it is!!
Well done!!!!!
I Just recently moved to Texas in with my grandma paying for my stay and going to school and turning my life around but then I ran into a big problem and that was my eating and weight. So that put me in a bigger depression that I was already in bit after I started really reading your posts and really taking in what you say and I finally realized sitting around and moping around wasn’t getting me anywhere, so I fanally got off my but and joined and gym and joined weight watcher to help with my eating, and I’m happy to say I’m 30 pounds down and feeling amazing. Now I’m starting up kick boxing. I wanna think you for helping me get out my funk. Thank you so much. But I’m also thinking about doing martail arts after I loose more weight, cab you suggest a martail arts I can start out with
Depends on your objective.
Wow. This definitely made some people mad sad and sorry to say pitiful. I think alot of people missed the point Sean was trying to make. But in reality only Sean really knows what that is. Because when you read it it will have a different meaning to each of us. Some people wrote how they felt he was saying if you are fat you dont exsist to him or the world. I personally did not read that at all.but that is just my opinion.just like this was seans opinion on health and life and society.now dont get me wrong i am not sitting here praising what he said .I am just being objective and open minded. I am 43. I have 4 amazing.kids. I am divorced.I am alot of things one of which is overweight. But I am also someone who doesnt smoke ,drink soda or sugary drinks. I do not eat bread rice noodles or potatoes.I eat.tons of protein salads vegetables fruits . I walk nonstop every where any.time. I run constantly after 4 kids .I never have a moment to stop all day. I am up at dawn and doing it all over again tomorrow. But yes I am overweight. I have fought to loose the weight every day of my life .But I know I am not alone.Its a struggle and one day I will succeed. I will never give up. Everyone will have an opinion. People men and women included will look at me and form an opinion without even getting to know me. Hell sean could walk past me on the street and think wow.shes fat. But thats ok. Because I know who I am .I know my struggle and I am strong.and intill you walk in my shoes and know my story .You dont know at all.. I applaud Sean because all he is doing is trying to reach out and help. Why should he get knocked down for that..
Very glad you didn’t take it the wrong way!
The past is the past; you can’t change it, you must be in the present and take charge of your life. I think many here need to address mental health issues as well as physical issues. If your brain isn’t together and its telling you all these excuses and negative things, you have to address that. If it was a horrible past event, like I said its in the past, if it was done by some horrible person, forgive –not for them, but for yourself (read finding forgiveness with contributions by the Dali Lama, you’ll never look at forgiveness the same way again), if people are calling you names, look at your self-esteem, why are their view points of any value to you; the answer is they shouldn’t be, you should have enough self-worth to know how great you are inside. And also the self-worth to respect yourself and your body. I know this page is about embracing the fact you have family and if you died from things such as obesity, what that will do to them. I lost my dad when I was 22 from alcoholism (I consider it similar to over eating, the same results happen — fatty liver). Every event in my life — a wedding, a graduation, a birth whatever I know he will never be there for it and it does hurt. As much as that should hurt your soul, honestly, in the end, if you want to keep it off, you need to do it for yourself. Everyone needs to take care of themselves. And having an illness, it is an excuse, all those illnesses if you look at their treatment includes exercise and a healthy diet. If you are doing that, then you should have no regrets. It doesn’t matter if you are stick thin, it matters that your healthy and it does include your size, but it doesn’t have to be super model size if you catch my drift. I agree with Sean, lose the excuses and you’ll lose the negativity, lose the low self-esteem and only gain happiness in return. And yes weight loss or at least a better health will be apart of that and you can spend time with your kids in good mental and physical health.
I know this is an older post, but I’ve only now got the means to reply.
Something I’ve never seen you mention…among all of the obvious ways we make ourselves unhealthy, there’s a huge hidden culprit particularly when it comes to weight, and that’s years of misonformed and detrimental attempts to BE healthy!
I was a young woman @ in the 80’s, when fitness was in, obsessive workouts were the norm, and adult women were expected to be shaped like 12 yearcold boys.
We trained our bodies to live on 500 calories a day, survived on black coffee,gallons diet soda, alba 66, the cambridge diet (powder mixed with water) and air popped popcorn…but we had a kitchen counter packed with supplements by god!…while maintaining avid relationships with patty Thomas fitness centers.
I spent my 20s and 30s maintaining a 130 lb 5’5″ inch body with zero body fat.
Then the rules changed.we were told we had to eat…that it would make us thinner, fitter, healthier!
Add fruits, veggies galore, cheese, various proteins…my god! Food!
I gained 40 pounds in a year
For the record, I’ve never been into candy, soda (other thsn diet but that became taboo) fried food, junk food…none of that. And I never stopped exercising.
I had simply trained my body to live without food…or rather, conditioned my metabolism to run on nothing. I…and many women like me…will quite simply , NEVER be able to eat well without gainingvweight. Decades of terrible habits have ruined our metabolisms. Permanently.
I did lose the weight. After years of nutritionists, doctors, personal trainers and various fitness gurus all gave me healthy, nutrient dense programs that did nothing for the weight, I gotvsick of it and went back to living on 500 calories a day, or less.
Im 51 years old, ride a bike rather than drive, walk a good deal, take the stairs….i have excellent cholesteral counts, a healthy heart, no joint issues but one knee issue,caused by an accident, and my weight is in the normal range.
I look terrible. My skin…deprived of nutrients for decades…sags on my bones. My arms make me resemble nothing so much as a flying squirrel in drag.
And I can’t eat like a normal person.
More than one tiny meal a day and my weight soars.
Encourage your readers to be careful what “healthy” advice they follow. It’s all too easy to ruin your body trying to do what you THINK is best for it.
I went from 125 pounds up to 160+ (and I’m 5’3″).
I have no one to blame but my self, and I know it. I am working on it.
Here’s the thing folks: it’s NOT fun. I would rather watch TV than go power walk my mile. It IS hard: I would love to have ice cream instead of an apple. It WILL take a long time: I didn’t get that fat overnight, and I won’t lose it overnight, either.
But I WILL work hard. I will stumble, I will fall, and I will get back up.
BECA– USE I FUCKING DESERVE TO BE HERE FOR A LONG, LONG TIME.
Sean I wanted to tell you that in the past six months I have lost 45 pounds. I did it through work and watching what and how much I eat.When I met you in Florida in April 2015 you was such an inspiration to me.I just want to keep going. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the inspiring words you give us all.
I’m very glad… and flattered.
I’ve read and re-read this every day for the last 15 months. In March of last year, I weighed in at 210, and I was that girl who was always between 150 and 165 from age 11, unless I was pregnant. So that number horrified me. I’d read this one before, looked for it, and bookmarked it. I’m back to 165 since April, and I can’t tell you how glad I am to have had this to help keep me inspired every day to get out and walk, eat healthier and smaller meals, whatever I needed to do to get myself healthy. That little improvement has gone miles to helping my mental health and my arthritis, both of which I know gave me excuses that helped me get to where I was.
Thank you, Sean. I doubt you will ever truly know just how much you help and inspire others.
Very glad!!!!!!
Mr. Flanery,
I stumbled upon this entry this morning. Very inspiring to give no more excuses. I will try harder.
Much love, Julie
I have multiple medical problems including Hypothyroidism. I am almost 60 and because of a new diagnosis, I quit on myself. Something really crazy woke me up out of that long sleep in which I gained quite a bit of weight. Joint problems because of the weight and my age stopped me from doing any running and every machine I tried made joint pain worse. I hate to sound like a commercial but the Gazelle workout machine has helped me. The impact for joints is low and I started at 10 min a day and now I do warm-ups, target areas and then 40 to 45 minutes on the Gazelle. I just bought a pair of trail running shoes yesterday and I am down 36 lbs. I still have a long way to go. I will get there. You just have to find something that works for you and you can do. Please don’t give up.
meep. -.-
I’ld like to say there is a lot of truth to what you say about people having eating problems. I know I did. But one day for no particular reason I decided try losing weight.I just happened upon a website that offered a philosophy on eating . By following this philosophy I have managed to lose 35 lbs in 5 and half months. I never made a resolution to lose weight it was just a spontaneous decision and it worked. I have to say it feels good especially since I have been overweight for the last 16 years. It has taken hard work to change my the amount I eat and to exercise. I have managed to stick with it and am determined to maintain afterwards. Some of the helpful things I have learned: Americans eat meals that are way larger than a normal proportion; there is no such thing as a “bad” food, if you enjoy a cupcake or cookie don’t feel guilty about it; if you mess up for a day in your effort to get healthier don’t give up – pick yourself up and start again the next day. These have helped a lot. Much about losing weight is psychological and when you can overcome this you have a better chance at being successful. But fad diets aren’t the way to go – it is a lifestyle and eating change that will help you maintain.
Well said!
I have been battling health issues for the last 2 to 3 years. The last year really bad four to my back. I’m finding more inspiration now to work through the pain. I have doctors that feel that surgery would be good for me. The gastric bypass. But insurance denies me and I don’t have 20K to do it. I have to figure out the best way to do this at home. I am excited to find the time to move more and eat healthy. Slow but sure. I’m ready for the change. I no longer will allow by self to be my own enemy . Thanks sean for being my favorite person in more ways then once. If you come to charleston, sc please let me know. I’d love a chance to meet you. Plus I know the hubs would love a chance to roll with u and play in the mma cage.
I would welcome the opportunity!
Just let me know when and your welcome to come to charleston,sc . :). My email is [email protected]. thank you again. Now up to play and watch movies with my son and nephew. Much love to you.
Very inspiring!!! You are an awesome man!!! Thank you for the tips on your comments!!! Really helpful!!! Lots of love from Spain!!!
Do you Sean, or any of the readers of this blog have advice on getting past a weight loss plataeu? I exercise daily. I do 10 min. warm up, 20 min. on core and problem spots, and then 45 min. on a gazelle. I eat mainly raw veggies because I have a garden. I usually have 2 servings of 3 to 4 oz. chicken, stir fried in evoo or baked. Most days I have a piece of fruit. I have 1/2 cup of milk with morning coffee and 1 diet soda a day the rest of my fluid intake is water and unsweetened black tea sometimes with a little lemon juice. I checked the internet and so much advice contradicting each other was a little crazy. What can I do to get back on track? Any advice would be most welcome.
Nancy,
With only a limited amount of info, I can only say that weight loss is a mathematical equation. If you are gaining, then you are taking in more than you burn. If you are constant, then you are balanced. So, if you change your margins you can dictate which way your body will respond.
-S
Nancy,
Try switching up your routine. Try doing gazelle first, then your core stuff. Sometimes your body will just be a jerk and say, “I’m bored”, and if you do a simple switch like that, it can kick start you again. Good luck!
Thank you. I am just stuck. I have been consistently losing about 3 lbs a week. I think I will try to add more exercise time in the evening. I know it gets harder closer to the goal. Some sites are saying that is too much. I got to keep trying though. Thanks again.
Question/advice time again, I always return here because this is my favorite entry for motivation. In all the day to day, what’s good for you, what’s not world, it gets really confusing on “what to eat or not to eat”, follow this plan, do this, do that….blah, blah, blah. Eat carbs, don’t eat carbs, eat all protein, the list could go on and on. I read this weekend that if you can’t read the ingredients, or don’t know what they are, rule of thumb, don’t eat it. I really have to watch everything that I eat and once you think you are doing right, you begin to wonder, Am I? I’ve lost 40lbs so far and am on my home stretch but have burnt myself out on the same foods or just not eating a lot of things because I think I shouldn’t, is variety the key? What do you consider a good eating plan, I mean I know Krispy Kreme isn’t good, but you motivate all of us so much, I’d love to know your opinions on what you consider good, bad and pure ugly, exercise and food wise. Your guidance and motivation have led so many of us in the right direction so I’d love to know what you thought, as I’m sure many others would too, no medical advice, just your recommendations/opinions. Maybe a future blog or here, just a thought…and want lol. Ok, I’ve rambled enough, Thanks so much for everything. Much love & God Bless….
Sean,
Just a quick update. Thank you for simplifying it for me. And you were right. It was simple math. I did not count on reevaluating intake versus output after losing a substantial amount of weight. I moved the margins and I am back on track. Thank you and may God bless you for what you do here.
Sean,
Even when people are not posting on here, please never underestimate the impact you are having on people’s lives. When I am struggling, I come here and read a little more or just read again what I needed to hear. I am close to what I thought was my final goal and have realized I may need to re-evaluate when I reach it. I no longer need to look at plus sizes and for me that is amazing. Thank you so much for what you do.
I’ve spent the last few hours reading this post and all the replies. I’ve been over weight for most of my life. I was 8 when my dad passed from cancer. And several family members I was close to after that. I’ve always known what I was and what would change it. I just didn’t care, rather, I told myself I didn’t care when in reality I did. I lost my mom to a stroke 12 days after my 21st birthday. That sent me into a spiral. I just didn’t care what happened to myself and felt I couldn’t survive without her (even though I had people that loved me in my life… Including my then boyfriend now husband). I was at 289 pounds which was the highest I ever got. A year after I lost my mom I got pregnant with my first child (she’s 6). After giving birth I was weighed and had lost 20 through the pregnancy. Not by trying because believe me I ate like no ones business. I was inspired to get healthy. I have 4 children now, the youngest is 1. After I had him I really tried losing weight. I got to 230 which I hadn’t seen since high school or maybe before. The last 6 months have been hard on our family and I’m back to 250. I have been feeling crappy and lost. I found this post and all the wonderful inspiring people. I still don’t really feel that I deserve anything, but my children deserve everything including their mother. I’m posting this VERY long post to let you know I’m going to try harder and I want to be healthy and play with my kids and it’s because of all of you!! Especially you, Sean P. Flanery. P.s. if anything is misspelled sorry… I’m very tired 🙂
Love it.
Oh my God. How many times I repeated some of those excuses to myself in the last years? And in the deepest part of my I known that there was just EXC– USES. Fooling myself trying to justify my situation.
Yes, I’m obese and when I was younger I was in my weight, so there’s no excuses for that. I’m not worried really about models, I never like them and I never had any model o that kind of magazine. But healt… heath is important. It’s me most important thing that we have.
I’m lucky I must say because even with little problems could be worst and 2 years ago I realize that excuses were not going to save my ass. Years of loosing and gaining weight I decided that was enough. It was the time to do something once for all, truly. For my family that they don’t deserve to carry the consecuences of my mistakes, for my because this health is mine and this body too and I must preserve it as long as I can.
I went to a doctor that teach me how to eat. Yeah sometimes yo need help to know waht, how and when, when you’ve learn the bag way all your life. I’m not embarresed to admit that, that I had to learn again.
From 249lb I’m now in 200lb.
So I don’t care about the time when I reach my ideal weight, because now I know I can do it. Because it’s not a diet, It’s how to live your life how it’s must to be live.
No excuses anymore in this matter.
Thank you Sean.
(Sorry if my english it’s crap sometimes, it’s not my native language)
Ana
Atta girl !!
I was always full of excuses for not getting off my lazy ass. I have lost 45 lbs since April and still got a bit to go. I feel a lot better and I am hitting the gym every other day. I figured I had spent enough time as a stale couch potato. Now I just have to figure out what to do with these damn batwings. I just wanted to say thank you for sharing all your stories, and I look forward to reading more in the future. God bless you! Charmin
More on the way.
Have you ever been fat? Then you’ve never walked in my shoes. Have you ever been lonely? Bullied? Teased? Ridiculed? Depressed? Do you take into account the emotional and mental health issues that might cause a person to overeat? Most of what you say is true – I can’t argue – but must you be so judgmental and harsh? I so wanted you to be a nice person. But I don’t think you are. Sincerely, a fattie
I hope you change your mind.
Yes I have been fat. I have Hypothyroidism, Anemia, Meniere’s Disease, Type 2 Diabetes, Diabetic Neuropathy, and memory problems, and I retain water because of the Meniere’s Disease. I have been through many severe traumatizing things in my life. I will not share those here except to say I was abused. I also smoked for 40 years and the last 10 years I smoked, I smoked 4+ packs a day. If anyone has reasons to make excuses, I had plenty. I have been lonely ,bullied, teased, and ridiculed and depression is a side affect of all of the problems above. What I don’t need is well meaning friends telling me I am fine the way I am while my health spirals down and my weight shoots up until I die and they have to bury me in a piano crate. I am 60 years old. 3 years ago I quit smoking cold turkey. In March of this year I woke up and decided I was not ready to die just yet. At that time I weighed 220 lbs. I am thankful I found Sean’s blog and he has helped me immensely. He didn’t blow smoke up you know where and tell me I am fine the way I am. What I needed was a good dose of reality. That is what you get here. I am at my goal weight of 135 lbs. now. Thank God for Sean. And I know people can be cruel, but did you ever stop to think that maybe some of them do care and are just lost on how to get across to you? If there is one thing I have learned in my 60 years, it is this: You can have a million excuses not to help yourself and you can make them last until you are dead. Or, you can stand up right now and say: “This is my life and from now on I am going to make it better and that starts with me.” Or as Sean puts it: “SHINE!!!! … until tomorrow.”
Very well said.
OMG!! I have said and done so many of these. Also “eating healthy costs soo much more than processed foods.” (Spends $40 a night feeding family fast food.) << that was my life for at least a year. I alone have high cholesterol, OCD, 40+ pounds overweight, smoked 1 pack every 2 days. Daughter has 4 forms of ADHD. Been cooking at home for 2 months, smoke free for 3 days/quit cold turkey. The bank account has stopped screeching. Now to get motivated to get off the couch!
Turn your couch away from the TV.
I made it. I have Hypothyroidism, Meniere,s Disease, Anemia, Diabetes and Diabetic Neuropathy, and I am 60. In March 2015 I weighed 220 lbs. I have reached my goal of 135. Diabetes is under control now. I wanted to thank you for your inspiration. I posted an updated pic on Twitter and FB. If I can do it at my age, I think any of you can. I really wanted to say thank you because you helped me a lot.
Beautiful!
So I had posted above about getting up to over 160 lbs. And I will admit, I half-assed working out for several months. One morning I took a good long look at myself and said, “You aren’t happy being fat. But you aren’t doing anything about it. Whose fault is that?” Mine. Period. That was on September 25 (I wrote it down). I was carrying so much weight (165 lbs) on my short bod (5’3″) that walking just three blocks to the park would leave me winded (and pissed off that I still had to walk back!).
Six months later, I have lost 25 pounds (20 more to go). And today, I power walked almost 4 miles in an hour, a personal best! The weight is coming off, I have lost several inches off of my waist and hips, and damn if I don’t have some awesome legs. You will never change until you decide to, and until then you will make one excuse after another. I know, I did it.
I didn’t want to go down the road of diabetes, high cholesterol, heart disease, and maybe dying, all because I would rather sit and watch TV.
Thank you, Sean, for opening my eyes with a hard truth, and making me realize that yes, I AM WORTH LIVING FOR!
Congratulations… and I really appreciate that.
Sometimes the truth hurts. And sometimes that’s exactly what you need.
I find I need it often.
I’ve been on this blog for the last few years but this is the first time I am running across this post. I too have severe weight issues. Not because I like to eat or eat the wrong things, but I was struck down by a disease (through no fault of my own) and the treatment made me more sick in the long run. I am the walking poster child as to why steroids are not the way to go for treatment. Spring 2013 I developed acute bronchitis due to mold exposure which rapidly deteriorated into pneumonia. I was hospitalized and placed onto oxygen, prescribed steroids and nebulizer several times a day. The steroids induced diabetes which then needed treatment with insulin and high doses of Metformin several times a day in addition to all of the other medication I was already on for the pneumonia. After a near 2 week hospital stay, they sent me home with more steroids, antibiotics, diabetes medication with meter and the inability to care for myself. I was unable to perform the simplest of tasks like pour cereal into a bowl. They sent a visiting nurse for a few visits, but I was still unable to walk unassisted since I had tremors the likes of a severe Parkinson’s patient. Luckily for me I was living in an RV at the time so I could literately push myself from the bed to the bathroom without additional assistance. I lost 2 ½ months of work and saw nothing outside of my RV for weeks at a time since I was unable to walk unassisted or drive. The mold exposure was due to a contractor with no morals who did not rehab my house properly after a major flood destroyed it and ran off with a lot of money without finishing the job. When re-rehabilitating the bathroom again, I was exposed to mold trapped in the stone shower floor that he did not install properly. To this day, my house is still not rehabbed completely now due to physical and financial constraints.
The steroids helped clear my lungs of the pneumonia, but I battled diabetes for months after stepping down off the them. I still have problems with it today and very careful with what I eat as to not push my blood sugar up. I do not want to become medication dependent nor insulin dependent for diabetes and currently not an any medications for it. In addition, I have permanent damage to my vision. Before the steroids I had very good vision and only needed corrective lenses for reading which I never used. I haven’t had a prescription change in over a decade until now. I also have damage to my teeth and needed 7 cavities fill, where before I had none for many years. But the worst thing that came out of the steroid treatments was the significant weight gain of 70+ pounds.
Before I got sick, I was an athlete and in physically fit shape. I loved working out, playing with my team mates and touring the country. I was lucky enough to even have been in print several times proudly sporting my teams jersey and have our team posters still hanging in my office. I knew I was a beautiful woman and took that for granted. Since getting sick and developing COPD, I can no longer work out, I’ve been retired from my sport fully and lucky if I can get up and down the stairs without having an attack. It took me 2 ½ years after getting sick to get to the point where I can get up and down my staircase 4 – 5 times in a row before having an attack. For a normal person without breathing issues, it seems like nothing; but for someone with COPD, that’s an amazing feat. I had a major setback earlier this year when I contracted the flu. It regressed my lungs where I can’t go up and down the stairs more than once without getting winded. I refuse to be put back on any steroid medication and it has been a slow uphill battle with rehabbing my lungs on my own.
I have what’s call a silent disease. To look at me, I am an obese woman that is otherwise healthy, but I can’t go out on a rainy day without worrying about having an attack. I can’t do the things I love because I know I will have an attack. I can’t lose the excess weight I am carrying simply because I can’t work out the way I need to without having an attack. I know my self-esteem has been seriously affected by how I now look and my inability to do the things I used to love. It becomes frustrating and discouraging leaving you with a feeling of hopelessness. This also brings on depression which is a killer and can lead to very bad habits. I have run the gambit on all of the emotions and hit bottom several times in the last few years. I am also one of those people who do not have a support system. I do have one friend who has also gone through his own journey to better health and he is the only one to remind me on occasion that I am (still) a beautiful woman. For those like me suffering from low self-esteem, we need to hear that more than occasionally.
What folks seem to forget, for those of us suffering with weight issues; it can be devastating and strip you of all of your self-esteem. I know it’s been mentioned in other posts, but this is probably one of the most importing things that is overlooked. Body shaming is out in today’s society, but it doesn’t help when you know what you used to look like and can’t stand looking at yourself in the mirror anymore. I don’t want to love myself for what I look like today, I WANT MY HEALTH BACK. What’s worse is not being able to make major changes due to a serious illness. Some of us also do not have that network of people to boost us up when you are at your lowest to help us through that bad day and continue the journey to better health. Finding that support can be very difficult especially when you are already suffering from low self-esteem. Also having people understand it’s not always about living with what you look like but working to getting healthy again.
The weight is coming off of me very slowly. My fear of having diabetes has always kept my eating habits in check, but the weight loss progression is a very slow one due to my disease. Will I ever be the same person I was 3 years ago, no. I am very changed from that person, but hopeful to look like that person again one day. My struggle to wellness has been a slow and daunting progression without the proverbial safety net under my feet laden with setbacks every time I make progress. There isn’t a day that doesn’t go by that I and wish I had made different choices in my life.
If you can take away something from my post, let it be this: Treasure your health, for tomorrow you may not have it. If the only thing holding you back is your self-esteem from your weight loss, rely on your support system to lift you up and get you motivated. If you don’t have a support system, maybe Sean Patrick Flannery will take his blog one more step for us and post some motivation weekly on his Twitter feed to help lift us up when we need it the most.
I read your postings about weight loss several days ago. I wanted to comment immediately, but didn’t. Obviously. And I’m glad I didn’t.
Because I read it several times since then.
First time I was pissed off.
Second time I was asking myself why I’m pissed off because I realized many of those things weeks ago.
Third time I realized that it was plainly and simply the discomfort of being confronted with it – which reminds me that I still have a lot of processing to do, especially for not going into defensive mode immediately.
Fourth time was just an ugly crying and sobbing. (‘The care that you take of your own person speaks VOLUMES about your own personal value for life. – This one’s right in the feels. Yep. Tears again.)
It’s weird though. Not getting stuck in my defensive manner for once. Just allowing to be confronted. That’s new. Another baby step forward I guess.
Thank you for that.
And thank you for not sugarcoating the truth.
It’s week 15 since realizing and working on it. It’s going slow, but hopefully steady.
No, wait, not ‘hopefully’. It will be steady.
(Don’t know if comments are still welcome because the postings are quite old. In this case, well, just ignore it.)
God bless and Godspeed!
Thank you!
YOU CAN DO IT!
Thank you Jenni!
For the first time I’m sure I can. Seems that I’m having the right mindset finally.
It’s a shame it took me so long though.
!!!!!!!!
Better late than never! Some people will never even try, you are trying, and you will succeed!
Yep!
I always come back to this blog on New Year’s…& times in between, because it’s the “one” that finally got through to me …finally started moving me in the right direction & to stay the course. Thanks again for the motivation & your ‘no holds barred’ way, I will be forever grateful….
… Thank you, Heather.
I first posted here on 5/20/2015. 5’3″, “160 lbs” (I was actually over 170, but didn’t want to admit it), and unhappy. This post from Sean is what inspired me to take responsibility for myself, and get up off my butt and DO SOMETHING!
So here I am, 2 years and 2 months later.
Here I am, my morning workout now as much a habit as brushing my teeth.
Here I am, 119 lbs., and in better shape than when I was in my 20’s.
If I can do it, anyone can.
Thank you, Sean, for inspiring me, and likely saving my life.
This is beautiful!!
My goal weight is 115…and yes, I am still working and still losing. Slow and steady wins the race!