Glenda, my Grandaddy… and the champ. -Sean Patrick Flanery
I believe in a tempered and calculated response in every self defense situation, so please do not use the following as an endorsed or even semi-proper example of good decision making.
One more note: It is an edict mine that a beautiful girl will make fools of us all, and there is no martial art in the world that can combat the lure of a pretty girl. If you find yourself under the spell of such a magnetic creature, just know that all logic and rational thought will be thrown in a closet until she leaves your presence, so adjust accordingly. The following is an example of decision making in the absence of logic or rational thought. God help me.
“I hope I didn’t bore you too much with my life story.” -Elvis Presley
Okay, so where were we? Ah, that’s right, the breakfast meat was heard seemingly giving a thrashing to the thief in the pitch black garage. Now, logic would have had me take Glenda out of harms way and call the authorities. But, her hand felt so wonderful in mine that I didn’t even want to move for fear that it would slip out. Her level of beauty had a way of bludgeoning my cognitive ability to something near the Pavlovian level. So we stayed, frozen in the bliss of a… oh yeah, there was a fight to the DEATH going on mere feet away!!
It is my goal to start teaching the male students at our academy how to combat P.G.T.V. (Pretty Girl Tunnel Vision). How to effectively step out of the P.G. tunnel and accurately assess a situation. The P.G.T.V. course would only be available to men, however, as a woman who were to come about this knowledge, could reverse engineer it and stepford every man into submission. For this reason, my P.G.T.V. program will be a heavily guarded secret!!
DISCLAIMER: I HAVE HAD ABSOLUTELY ZERO SUCCESS IN COMBATTING P.G.T.V. THUS FAR, AND IT’S COURSES ARE STILL IN THE BETA PHASES OF TESTING, BUT CHECK BACK REGULARLY… AS I’M SURE WE’RE CLOSE TO FIGURING OUT THIS PHENOMENON!!
“I’m trying to keep a level head. You have to be careful out in the world. It’s so easy to get turned.” -Elvis Presley
Suddenly the guy appears out of the darkness sprinting right for us. And, in the throes of a severe case of P.G.T.V., I bent down, punched him right in the genetic legacy, tried to tackle him, and literally latched onto his leg. He smacked me in the head with the car stereo as I held onto his leg while being dragged down the driveway (arguably the stupidest thing I’ve ever done in my life). As we cross the street, my head hits the opposite curb as he tries to run up a neighbors yard. Suddenly we’re both tackled to the ground by a police officer who was called to the scene by the Piggly Wiggly stock boys.
IN AN ACT OF GRATITUDE FOR THEIR ASSISTANCE, HOLLYWOOD BJJ WILL OFFER SEVERELY DISCOUNTED RATES TO ALL POLICE AND MILITARY PERSONNEL.
At this point, Glenda is crying her eyes out because I’ve got a big gash in the side of my head with a treble knob from the stereo sticking out of it, but other than that I was fine. The cops take us all back to the garage with their big Q-beams and light up the place. There stands soldier sausage tied to a post by a set of jumper cables… yes, jumper cables. The Sausage was dead silent as the cops kept yelling “are you hurt?”. The Sausage didn’t move. The lead cop (or whatever they’re called) stares at him for a quick second and then says to us to get back to the dojo with another cop. I took one last glance to confirm what I’d seen just as Glenda’s hand crept back into mine.
Just because you sprinted across a firing range once without getting shot, doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do.
“Truth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time, but it ain’t goin’ away.” -Elvis Presley
On the way back to the dojo, I heard her voice utter the first words she ever spoke to me, and I still remember it, not like it’s yesterday… but like it’s today. She stopped me, looked me in the eyes, and whispered: “was that pee?”. I looked back at her dead in the eyes and said: “yeah, in all the exitement, it looks like his trouser worm sprung a leak.” The sausage closed the dojo pending the recuperation of his injuries. The newspaper had a story of the incident recounting The Sausage’s version in which there were conspirators hiding in the garage, forcing him to battle an undisclosed number of foes. They even misspelled my name. My Grandaddy said, “I told ya he was a champ!!!!”. Oh, let me back up again.
I don’t endorse slurs of any kind, and only allow this story to be told because it is factual and from a wonderful man who grew up in a different age and in a different social era. It was said without malice, by one of the best people I’ve ever known, and in a very matter of fact manner.
The first time my Grandaddy told me what “homosexuality” was, was after hearing him refer to a couple gentlemen as “champs”. I asked him what they had won, and what they were the champions of. He looked me right in the eye, took a moment to decide if I was old enough (which by most social norms I should have been MUCH older) and said, “no son, you see, they ain’t like you an’ me. They ain’t skirt chasers. When they git home, the one in front gone bend over… an’ he gonna take it like a champ”. I had absolutely no idea what he meant until years later… when it hit me like a brick wall.
Glenda called the paper the next day and had them write a correction of the spelling of my name. The sausage never re-opened. In ’93 my Grandaddy bought the very first Ultimate Fighting Championship event on pay-per-view, taped it on VHS, and sent it to me in the mail with a letter that said: “Take a look at this Gracie feller that wins this fightin’ tournament. Now THIS kid ain’t no champ!!”
My Grandaddy showed me a lot of wonderful things about life & the world, and usually from new and interesting angles… but ALWAYS from a crystal clear lens that was never clouded by political correctness.
Goodnight, God bless, and SHINE… until tomorrow.
-Sean Patrick Flanery
what a great story! skirt chasers. haven’t heard that in a while. I will never be as brave (or stupid) as you but good for you! thank you again for sharing these stories. xoxo
What a wonderful insight into your introduction to marital arts!! Your Grandfather sounds like he was an amazing man and all who knew him were blessed. I love the honestly of you blogs as well as the message you grace us with everytime, whatever it may be. Shine this weekend Sean as in sure you will and I shall shine also from my inspiration from you.
Thank you for sharing! xo
Okay…I’ve almost recovered from my fits of laughter. Enough to write my reply at least. That. Was. Hilarious! I now count myself among those insisting you write a book. Do it! Please?
This also describes why I’ve decided to just get on with BJJ instead of my previous martial art. Because I watched ONE Youtube video of a BJJ fight and knew, beyond any possible doubt, that if I fought someone who knows grappling I was DONE. It would be over before it began. So, yeah.
As for this P.G.T.V. of which you mention… That explains so much. Anyway, best of luck to you and your beta testing. I (don’t) hope you figure it out. Haha!
Happy Father’s Day, Sean
Thanks again for sharing another one of your stories (memories) with all of us. It’s nice for us to get a glimpse of another side of you that people don’t see. Always look forward to your posts. Have a great night. Take care.
I’m thinking you probably still have that VHS tape. And I know for a fact you still have that letter from your Grandaddy. I really loved this story, you make your Grandaddy proud, Sean.
I simply adore your writings Good Sir and I must admit I laugh with all of my heart, and sometimes shed some tears, but no matter the emotions that spring forth I learn a thing or two about myself. So I say Thank-You Sir for your words and I look forward to more. May the sun continue to shine upon you and the moon bring you peaceful dreams Cheers!
A good read and a giggle loved every moment of it I hope it inspires many has i know your words and thoughts do. An inspiration to everyone that reads your words and lessons learned for the young and old x
Remember Donut sharing this story once … I still adore it as much now as I did the first time I read it. x
Great story. July will be my first year of BJJ completed and of course not the last! I will make a promise to myself and to you that no matter how long I train, how good I get, I will never try to be a hero or to intentionally put myself in a bad situation. Defend myself yes, but I won’t be a dumbass. Thanks for another great blog Sensei!
Such a great story! I haven’t laughed so hard since…well, yesterday, when you posted part 1!
I have to say it once again: you are an amazing storyteller.
Now I have to find a way to work my new favorite Flanerisms “McDojo” and “Trouser Worm” into a conversation.
Thank you for sharing. Love ya!
Its not easy keeping my attention, but you did. I look forward to your next story. I like your Grandaddy.
I just love your growing up stories. Every time I read one, all I can think is these need to be made into some type of movie ala A Christmas Story Mode. Narrator and all!
I love that you almost died to impress this girl, but still couldn’t stop yourself from using the phrase “trouser worm” in front of her. 😛
Also, I think your grand daddy’s term/definition for homosexuality is probably one of the least negative I’ve ever heard from someone of that era regarding the matter.
I love how its always comes back to a girl. That’s life though some of our biggest decisions are made because of a need or desire to connect with someone. I’m glad you weren’t seriously hurt.
Wow.. this was some lil slice o’ life Sean.. Your grandpa seemed like a colorful sort..lol.. but you can hear your love for him as you recount this story. I really6 felt like I was standing on the street corner watching this unfold.. funny but in a holy-cow-I-can’t-believe-i-survived-this-shizz..way… Loved reading..ty for this glimpse into your life. 🙂
Your blog is trully wonderful. Love the way you always talk about your Grandfather, full with admiration and love, you were really lucky to have someone like him to look at.
God bless you.
Feliz Dia del Padre.
Wonderful. Publish as a Kindle Book on amazon. I make good money with mine. It has international exposure and you’re a STAR! Go for it! It won’t cost you a dime to upload.
It’s been along time since I’ve dated. It is scary out in this world today. You really don’t know who you’re with on that first date. I am hoping that I get loved by a good man. My “wasband” is deceased. I am a woman who misses holding hands with a good man. One day…
I like your story.
Thanks Sean, for another great story! I hope this is a glimpse of what we can expect in your book when it comes out. Have a wonderful evening and a great weekend!
Loved the story. I really enjoy hearing about your grandpa. He sounds like a wonderful character. 🙂
Thank you for sharing.
I love that you have so many great memories of your granddad. Your relationship with him left the kind of legacy that most people only dream about <3
Once again.. the conclusion does not disappoint.
You really are the best story teller Ever!
But I always learn something….. how you do that?
My favorite part of this story is in part 1. When you reached around and held Glenda’s hand without even looking. You knew it was her. Thanks for sharing another great story.
I think I would have loved your grandpa. He sounds like he was a very interesting man.
“If you find yourself under the spell of such a magnetic creature, just know that all logic and rational thought will be thrown in a closet until she leaves your presence, so adjust accordingly.”
So true. I’ve seen guys do really stupid stuff to impress a girl.
Love hearing your stories! Thank you for sharing! Your grandaddy sounds like he was one awesome man!
That was two thumbs up.
Very cool story. It’s hard to shine you getting so silly over a girl!!! But I guess that happens to everyone. And it’s a good idea to not try to be a hero all the time and do something as dumb as sensi sausage did. He is lucky the guy didn’t have a gun.
Another great story Sean. You have a way of wording things that are not only fun but interesting at the same time. I love reading them. Thank you. 🙂
I would have absolutely adored your Grandaddy.
Awwww, this was an amazing story Sean, I’m confused though, did you have a piece of the stereo stuck in your head? or maybe I read that wrong. haha! Your grandaddy sound like a one of a kind fellow and I’m sure you followed in the steps he wanted you so much to fill.
Thanks for sharing that awesome story Sean! For the record, and from a purely admiring female perspective, I am also glad you aren’t a “champ” 😉 xoxo
Great story Sean. I love the pride in your grandfather, the same as I always had and still do even with them gone to this day.
i love hearing these great stories from u sean. looking forward to hearing more. i never pegged u to be such a good writer. keep doing what ur doing its awesome. 🙂
I would have loved to have met your Grandad. He must’ve been an amazing man.
Unfortunately, both my grandfather’s died before I was born, so was never able to hear stories or learn about life through them, which is something I’ve always wanted – you are very lucky to have had him in your life.
Thanks for sharing.
Sean, thank you so much for letting us hear your story! You’re grandfather must’ve been a wonderful man. I heard a lot of wonderful stories about my grandfather on my mother’s side of the family and he told us how different his life was and the lessons he learned, unfortunately we didn’t get to hear anymore because he died not too long ago. He was a wonderful grandfather to both me and my brother and it made a great impact on us. Both your grandfather and my grandfather were wonderful men. He would’ve been proud of you just like mine. Thank you for sharing your story and thank you for being a wonderful man. God bless!
You may not realize that your adoration of a woman and willingness to protect her is such a beautiful thing. I see the humor and lesson in the story, but know that today there are too few men like you out there. It gives me hope. Thanks for sharing the story.
Quote “The P.G.T.V. course would only be available to men, however, as a woman who were to come about this knowledge, could reverse engineer it and stepford every man into submission. For this reason, my P.G.T.V. program will be a heavily guarded secret!!”
Sean! Did it EVER occur to you that there IS such a thing as P.B.T.V too ? That would be the Pretty Boy Tunnel Vision for girls! As a member of the female half of the population I think it is only fair to tell you 😀 Maybe you should split up your students, get a female teacher for the ladies and thus teach both at your academy? But of course if both men AND women were to know the secrets of how to avoid being turned to a helpless, hopeless puddle on the ground just because they fall into the traps of either P.G.T.V or P.B.T.V, then where would we be? ;D Gee, so now all I can do is ponder and lose sleep over that…way to go Vibeke… 😉 Anyways, thank you for making me laugh…again 😉 Ok…back to pondering…*sigh*
i found this blog only a few days ago and i realy enjoy the stories.i realy enjoyed this story.i wish i could tell about my grandparents’ but they died before i was born.You were lucky to have him.
Thanks for sharing ‘
I agree, I was fortunate enough to have one set of grandparents in my childhood. My grandpa taught me to see the true beauty of the small things in life. We would go for walks in the forest and marvel at ants at work, spiderwebs or how different flowers looked. We also had a secret “language” and he was the one who taught me that there is no such thing as “acting your age” ;-). IF you wanna be goofy…go ahead 😀 He also taught me about the World and gave me tools to navigate in it with empathy and kindness. I owe my Grandpa so much. He passed away when I was 15. To this day I miss him! I wish you a blessed day dear Anny
Hmm, I wonder if Rickson or Relson have ever suffered from P.G.T.V. during a street fight? Relson would probably laugh and cop to it. Nevertheless, you are correct, no amount of deep meditation, conscious to unconscious habit exercises or BJJ is going to make your vision, as it were, wider…. when we walk by. But, it makes me wonder if the P.G.T.V. spell could actually cause a guy to tap out. Already coming up with new techniques to implement P.G.T.V. for my next roll 🙂
“Take it like a champ”? I think I just peed my pants like a champ from laughing so hard!!!!!
Pingback: Shine… until tomorrow. » I followed a girl (the answer to everything). -Sean Patrick Flanery
I have never heard the term “skirt chasers” before but that’s a great term for it…when your a kid it’s always hard to admit when you have a crush on someone, especially when you try to hide it! It’s like the more you try to hide it the more you embarrass yourself!! Just wondering was Glenda your first crush? 🙂 Great story also BTW!! 🙂
so funny but i can kinda relate from past crushes acting silly around guys. great story once again i was rivoted to the page!