I think sadness/grief turns off a certain part of your brain… maybe out of necessity… maybe for survival.
Okay, so look… I met a chick some time ago. She was in jail and I saw a picture of her on the Internet. Hell, I guess I was feeling charitable so I got in my car and drove. There was something about her eyes in that picture that felt familiar… like home.
I figured I’d just go and meet her face to face and then decide if she was worthy of being bailed out. Yeah, I was incredibly naive in my dissection of relationships back then. I honestly thought the choice was solely mine, and that my discretion alone would decide her fate.
But when she walked out past that gate and seized my gaze, her entirety sept into my soul and made me completely incapable of leaving that place alone. I could feel the bulk of her mass gluing my feet to the floor, and she didn’t release me until she was confident we’d leave together. So we did.
I bought her a meal, and we sat on a curb to eat right outside that jail.
But she didn’t want hers. She wanted mine.
She knew better than me. She always did.
So I gave her mine.
And it became her name.
That was 15 glorious years ago.
I left my house childishly thinking I was going to do a chick a favor.
My GOD, how naive.
Seems she didn’t need any bailing.
…It was me all along.
PS I really needed a minute… and so I took one. I appreciate the patience and I’m sorry for the absence, but I heard the switch click back on sometime last night… and there’s a boy in a bathroom that needs saving.
From forever… to 1/25/15 at 12:45 pm… to forever.
She left a seed.
…but a seed is all it takes.
-Sean Patrick Flanery