Sean, I resolve to continue my BJJ Journey. I set myself the very high goal of receiving my Blue Belt in one year. I train five days a week towards this goal and after 4 months already have my first two stripes. I have my very first Tournament in 22 days, and I plan to WIN! Will I hate myself if I don’t? No, but winning is definitely my intention going in. I resolve to lose the last 40 lbs to my goal weight (already down 25 lbs). I have been a non-smoker since August (after 17 years of smoking) and that is not even something I need to “resolve” about, it’s already done! It’s amazing how easy these “resolutions” become when you make them NOT AN OPTION! Thank you thank you thank you for all the motivation and CARE you put out to us!

My resolve is to work my little ass off for the next two years to get to where I’m meant to be. California.
I will NOT mindlessly spend my money over the internet anymore. I WILL save.
I will not sleep past eleven anymore. I WILL do what I did this morning … Wake up at seven, drink a “cale” shake, go for a morning run. I will improve my speed and my stamina.
I will continue to wake up at this time everyday and get in a daily exercise before going off to work.
I WILL pick up all the extra hours at work that are given to me and I WILL get my ass back in school, whether it is just to get a GED.
I promise all of the above to you, Sean. I promise all of the above to myself as well.
With my body in shape, my bank account decent, and my knowledge increased, I will move out to Los Angeles and I WILL fulfill my acting career. I WILL NOT give up. I will be determined and I will be my very best that I can be, regardless of the negativity and discouraging words people throw at me. I WILL do this. This is my “resolution”, this is my “resolve”.
God Bless, and thank you. ♥

Dear Sean, thank you for the new blog post. Love it,none of the fluff or patronizing tone of “if you only realize your problem, we help you…yada yada.” No, you get right to the point and tolerate no snivelling-Perfect instructor. Have been back in gym not for weight but strength due to illness where I lost ability to walk without buckling under. No pity party just fact-body has to have regular /daily maintenance like any properly running vehicle. An instructor who will not tolerate any excuses is a prize because to many just do not stand up and say what you do. Cheers , Healthy and happy New Year to you.

I made you a promise, Sean. I made myself a promise. Have I lived up to that promise, unfortunately no. There has been a disconnect between what I ‘want’ deeply in my heart & soul and what my mind & body have actually done. No more lies, no more waiting. NOW is the time, and I am going to start giving it to myself. Because if I don’t take the time to make me the best I can (and WILL) be then I won’t be able to give it to anyone else! You told me “If we truly care about our friends and family we will do whatever it takes to be here for them as long as possible.” No more stealing time away from them or myself. No more excuses, no more intentions, no more bullshit!!! It’s time for the rubber to meet the road. Right here, right now, in this public forum, in front of you, Sean, and all these witnesses (and a lot of friends!!!) I RESOLVE to eat healthy, exercise daily and to get to my goal weight. I also RESOLVE to start kickboxing again and eventually try BJJ. I will live up to that promise I made you in Nashville!! Thank you Sean for saying the things that I need to hear, no matter how hard they hit!

Inspirational & true words of wisdom. However I am not going to resolve to do anything that I know I wont do only to regret it after, but I do intend to be thankful for the life that I am given, & every morning that I awake to a new day, I am thankful.
May 2014 be a good year for you, & thankyou for sharing with us.
Namaste xx

Last year you asked us to post our goals for the new year and in the time frame we would achieve. I told you last year I would work harder on getting out of debt but never left a time frame. I had a bit of a set back financially in March (bad car accident), but as much as that set me back, I still plugged on to getting debt free. And trust me, I have a lot to pay off yet. I AM close to getting two credit cards paid off in the next four months! However, there’s three more that are going to take much longer to pay off. I may not be able to give you much of a time frame, but I promise to get those three cards down to at least half of what I owe by the end of this year. I KNOW I CAN DO IT! My goal was to get the other two cards paid off by the start of this year. I was close. I actually felt like I did not keep my promise to you Sean. I apologize. But as soon as I get those two cards paid off, you are the first person I will tell:) I’ll even give you progress on how well I’m getting the other three paid off.
The other goal I told you last year was that I need to work on my confidence more. I’ll be honest with that as well….NOT doing good. I had good days and not so good days with my confidence. I feel I’m confident in some things, but not all. To push me harder to work on this, I will use a picture of you pointing straight at the camera as my screen saver for my phone and lap top. Your look in any of those pictures is somehow so motivating. I need to use it as a daily reminder to keeping these promises to you. I want to make not only YOU proud but MYSELF proud. Thank you for being such an inspiration, and for always being a stand up guy:) As Todd Sparrow said, “It’s okay…..everything’s going to be okay.” And with you, I know they will! Shine until tomorrow! Love ya Sean!

You and your blog are amazing! Thank you for your time and all that you do. I decided to start walking for exercise! I make an effort to live a healthier lifestyle

Darn it. Wouldn’t you know I actually got a damn bag of Oreo’s in the pantry that I had forgotten about. I hide it from my kids, but now it calleth….. gggrrr.
Well, since clearly I am a mom, and mom’s should lead by example, I am putting my entire family into the challenge of Resolve. (They will follow my lead – or else good luck finding clean underwear in your drawer.) So our commitment – My Resolve – is to do our first family run this year. My hometown has a “Unity Run” that is in support of a local charity we support. But we’ve never done the run. Because, Oreo’s in the Pantry.
So this year will be different. We will run. Or, at least start with the 5K Family Walk since my youngest is only 4 years old. The point is: we will be at that starting line. And we will finish.
And there will be No Oreo’s consumed in the celebrating. (no, I am not going to eat them all tonight)
Get healthy. Support a good Cause. Enjoy family time and some beautiful lakeshore scenery?
sounds full of nothing but promise to me.

Great blog entry!
I don’t have any resolutions. Stopped makeing them years ago.
I figure if I want or need to do something. I’ll just do it no matter what time of the year it is. For some reason resolutions always made me feel presured.

Don’t see my last comment. Guess was an oops on my end.
I stopped making resolutions years ago.
Always felt presured into making one.
Which ofcoarse I would never resolve.
Don’t have any for this year either.
I like to just do instead of just say. It works for me.
Great blog entry!

Dear Sir,
No diets,no 4am 10K runs, no gym.
My resolve:
Healthy Eating. Period.
There are no excuse to healthy eating. No fast food or drive thru’s
If I want a hamburger, I’ll make it myself. That way I know what’s in it.
Get up and get moving.
I live in the beautiful place in California. The Sierra’s. Walking. Hiking. Biking. No membership fees and the view is awesome.
……well……here I go……
Love, Seb.

What a profound blog, Sean! I love your message that we should not take lightly the promises we make to ourselves, let alone the ones we make to others. Although not pertaining as much to the physical realm, my own resolution is related to protection of my mental health and emotional well-being.

Well, let me correct myself here, because the correlation between the tangible and the intangible is actually a direct one. For as I sit here, my shoulders are tightly knotted and my neck is aching, with dire need of a good massage, caused by a poor night’s sleep. My turbulent dreams were created by recent, undue stress in my life, and it is this—my workplace is now a nightmarish, three-ring circus that I can no longer tolerate. Thus, my personal resolution this year is to find and obtain employment elsewhere.

While I would rather not run from a problem, but would prefer instead to mold this terrible situation into a golden opportunity for improvement, I lack the requisite credentials. So, hand-in-hand with my above-stated goal, I aspire to earn the necessary education for becoming a manager and leading others successfully in my occupation.

I notice how you pepper your writings with enlightening quotes. I’d now like to do so here, since imitation is supposedly the most sincere form of flattery:

“Stand. Stand and have no fear. You gave up much to dream this dream, child.” – –Fox, from Neil Gaiman’s The Dream Hunters

I applaud you, Sean, for pointing out how important it is to differentiate between resolutions and intentions. One must prioritize, as we are multi-faceted beings with many ambitions.

The old saying is that “the road to Hell is paved with good intentions.” My intention for this year is to resurrect my old college band. Since most of our members have moved on elsewhere, I may have to construct a new band, and this is rather frightening to me in its unfamiliarity. But I’m sure you’ll identify with the proverb about having the nerve to screw up your courage that “once you learn how to ride a bike, you never forget how to!”

I have already started songwriting again! I feared this skill was long lost after decades of disuse. Also, I hope to find myself a new base guitar—a proper Battle Ax with which to storm the stage once more. So, whether these intentions lead me to Heaven or to Hell remain to be seen…

Thanks, always, Captain, for sharing your eye-opening, life-changing thoughts!

Well, I have just noticed my post from this morning is gone.. I imagine there is a good reason for that… These progress reports are more like a journal for me anyway… I have finally started to save them elsewhere… I will share here still, but only when it serves more than one purpose… Keep up the good fight everyone, and I wish you all the best in 2014! God Bless each and everyone of you… ♥

2013 kicked my ass….I’m kicking 2014’s ass.

Hi Sean – Thank you so much for your inspiration. This year I resolve to learn to like myself, to be able to sit comfortably in silence alone. I am newly separated and we are sharing my son on a weekly basis. The weeks that I don’t have him are hell. My goal is to become mentally healthy. Thanks to the nervousness and stress of the separation I have lost about 30 or so lbs ( I don’t weigh myself) and 2 pants sizes. Now I just need to learn to love myself. I was sexually abused as a child and it has systematically destroyed every good thing in my life for these last 34 years. I don’t love myself, I actually hate myself so much that I push anything and everyone that is good for me away, I won’t allow myself to be happy, to be loved or to be cared for. I need to change that, I need to show my son and myself, that everyone deserves to be loved. I need to make myself realize that what happened to me was not my choice or my fault and i need to get on with my life. I resolve that by the end of this year, I will be able to look in the mirror, eye to eye and tell myself, “I love you, you are a good person and you deserve love.” Thank you again Sean.

Wow, this is so much harder to say than I thought it would be… This year I resolve to continue battling PTSD by staring that elephant right in the face. This year fear will no longer control me. I have come so far since October and I just need to keep moving forward. For some reason its ten times as hard to face getting back on the mats for jiu-jitsu tomorrow than it was to start to begin with… I love jiu-jitsu and I’m not going to let fear take it away from me. I’m going to get there right as they open tomorrow just to make sure I can force myself to walk through the door. We have a tip test this month and I’m going to kick ass and take names; PTSD be damned.

So it’s not too late to come up with a new resolve, right? I was pretty much just talked into this one so that you would hold me to it. I know some of the girls are going to see you at a couple of the cons at the end of March. So a few of them have tried to talk me into going with them, but my response has been “I’m not ready” or “I’m not where I want to be.” I just want to be in a better place so that I can really thank you for all you’ve done for me. And though they tell me that meeting you will only further my drive to try harder and I could always go back a second time to thank you, I still really just don’t feel like I’m ready. So now, my friend Val<3 just told me to get on here and write a new resolve, which is to find the courage to come and thank you in person at the end of March. And the thing with this is not only that now I only have a couple of months to find the courage to go and meet you. It's that I also REALLY need to pick up my game. I need to get into gear. I need to try so much harder than I've been trying.. so I can actually FEEL ready at the end of March to go and thank you the way you deserve to be thanked. Not in a tweet, Fb comment, or on here. But in person. So this is my new resolve.. to simply put in my absolute allll and be ready to thank you in person! I'm hoping to be there with Val at the end of March to thank you BOTH!

Day 1 of my healthy journey to lose 60 lbs!

I want to start out by saying that I love your blogs. I’ve read every one on this site and I always agree with everything you say. One thing that comes up a lot is when you talk about how you can do anything, if you want it bad enough. I use to think that too. A long time ago. But after many years of unexpected life changes and events, I think it depends on what it is that you want. If you’re talking about weight problems or living healthier, than yes, you can do that if you really want too and nothing should stand in your way. But there are some resolves or goals that you want to accomplish that are much harder to do. Sometimes there are obstacles that are caused by the actions of other people in your life. People that you love and would do anything for. I can control my actions but I can’t control what other people in my life do. But I’m not complaining. Even though I’m not exactly where I thought I would be at my age, I’m happy and I enjoy life and my family. But I would like to ask you something I’ve been wanting to ask you for a while now. Is it wrong to put the wants and needs of people you love ahead of your own?

Uh-oh. There it is

Hi Sean Patrick,
Happy belated New Years. Things got extremely hectic and things are getting ready to kick off for my promotional campaign for the series I’m writing. I wanted to send you this copy of a poem I wrote that will be included in the book based on the Fallen Guardian character, Shine. I tried to stay true to your convictions and mannerisms as much as possible. The dedication is finally done too. I have chapters with your character in it ready to read but it is a big upload and the best way to send it is by email. I know it’s fairly impertinent to ask for a good email for you to send it to, but if you have a business email that would work wonderfully as well. My webpage for the series is here; http://www.facebook.com/SistersParanormalRomance. I would love it if you could come and see it. It’s still in its baby step stages but you will get a feel for where we are going hopefully. One day I hope to be able to sit across from you and share how you and Norman both inspired me and gave me the courage to stand up and fight for myself through some very traumatic experiences. I hope you like the poem. I will be making a special framed copy of it for you as well. Bright Blessings to you.
Cordially, Maren Meriel McCaffrey, Author of the series Sisters of Shadows and Moonlight, Book one; Chasing Shadows Book Two: Dancing With Moonlight

Will You Shine?
A tribute to Sean Patrick Flanery who never ceases to inspire, reach out and endeavor to change the lives of others for the better. It’s a wonderful feeling to have him Shining in the darkness out there.
By Maren M. McCaffrey
“Will you Shine for me”, the man asked her, just until tomorrow?
I promise I’ll be right here by you as mentor, friend and guide.
When you are low on strength I have enough for you to borrow.
I know I ask you to work harder but I’ll work right by your side.

“I can’t Shine in all this darkness”, she said in heavy sorrow.
The weight of my shame lies so heavy and will not be denied.
It hurts just to make it through this day, much less see tomorrow.
I live with pain that walked in to live where once was only pride.

“Can you Shine for me” the man asked again, “Try it just today?”
Shame is only a shadow of the past haunting your real life now.
If I share the pain of every step will you try to find your way?
We’ll start the search for pride together, this is my solemn vow.

She thought a moment and answered, “Maybe just for one short day.”
I could use your words to inspire, guide my path and show me how.
You care, and that alone gives more strength than I can ever say.
Perhaps my pride is just misplaced, hidden in shadows right now.

“Look at you Shining,” the man exclaimed with such joy for her choice!
Time has flown and so have you, on wings you grew out of your fears.
Testify, stand up tall, you have a glorious, powerful voice!
Always remember how hope came through to Shine right through your tears.

“Shine until tomorrow,” is what my good friend told me to do.
I see you weighed down with guilt and shame; I too was once this way.
Give me a chance to help you out; we’ll make a Shining star of you.
So I’ll ask you just as he asked me; “Can you Shine just for today?”

Like me you’ll want to put it aside, the shame and all the sorrow.
Before you know it, you as well will Shine Until Tomorrow.

I loved to run. Nothing makes you forget your troubles like the pavement on your feet and the cool Wisconsin air filling your lungs with each breath. In October though, I fucked up my knee to the extreme. Tore 2 different tendons, broke my patella, and tore my meniscus. 10 weeks of being hung up and no physical activity (besides walking and standing) everything was as healed as it could get on it’s own without surgery. I can’t run without extreme pain and my running buddy (my border collie) passed away in December. Since my injury and Kimber’s death, it’s been hard as hell to get moving and see the light at the end of the tunnel. That was until I stumbled onto this site. You gave me the kick in my ass that I needed. No more letting life pass me by and relying on antidepressants to get me though my day. I’m in control of my life. And I’m ready to grab the bull by the fucking horns. Goodbye to that damn 30lbs I’ve been hoping to loose. Peace out cigarettes… It’s been fun but I’m really sick of hacking up an effing lung. And farewell excuses, you weren’t really my type anyways. You have a way with words boy, and I am so thankful that I found this. Thanks 🙂

Last year, my sister-in-law and I decided we were gonna get healthy.We walked together, exercised and watched what we were eating. We called each other on bad days when we really just wanted chocolate cake not salad, and I ultimately lost 25 pounds of my 60 pound goal. I felt better physically and mentally. Then, my husband and I had a string of set backs that just seemed to suck all of my determination out. I fell back into my old routines. I didn’t gain the weight back but I haven’t lost any either. I’ve been wanting to make a change with so much in my life but just didn’t do anything. And I’ve been desperately looking for inspiration. Then I found you on twitter which led me to this. I don’t want to lie to myself anymore. One of my greatest worries is disappointing myself. I want to be the me I know I can be. Your words have been a great help and I thank you. I wont make any promises but I hope I can get back to the frame of mind I was last year. I want to be a fighter, I want to look back and say I did that. And not just with being healthy. I can use that determination, that fire, for all the things in my life I’ve been wanting to change. I had big plans once upon a time, and it’s time I remember that. Thank you.

I’ve already quit smoking thanks to Sean being such an inspiration. The next step to getting healthy? I’m losing weight. Ten pounds down. I’ve got a lot to go but I’ve come far from where I was!

Dear Sean, I adapt your philosophy to my Catholicism, and my health conditions. For 14 years now I’ve endured a level of pain that not many can sustain because I don’t want to be pain-free. Pain-free leaves me a non-member of the family. I know God didn’t DO this to me….that’s stupid thinking. I had some inherited problems and then I pushed a female’s non-athletic body farther than it needed to go. So, I injured my back, had surgery, bloated up on pain meds, surgeon wanted to do another surgery so I did the gastric bypass surgery and lost back to pre children!!! I was able to walk 5 miles everyday. I was getting toned again, until one day I had another pain seizure….that’s what my son’s and I call them. I started trembling everywhere and everything HURT!!!! My surgeon saw me the next morning. I was no longer going to get the artificial disc replacement because it didn’t pan out like he hoped in other patients and also, the weight loss was oddly a bad idea. The fat was cushioning nerven endings and bulging discs. I then had at least 6 bulging discs up and down my spine. One in my neck gives me migraines from time to time. One migraine lasted 9 days. They did 3 frigging MRIs on me….. with a migraine!!!! Anyway, now the number is up to 8 or 9 depending on who reads the results. Prognosis, life on pain killers. I’ve been through physical therapy three different times but I didn’t improve. I still do the exercises, just to maintain balance and agility. I used to weight train and was able to bench press 145 and leg press 220. Now my pocket book is weighed by my sons before I go out!!! lol I’m on a strict 3-5 pound limit. I overdue it often and pay Hell for it for up to a week sometimes. (I’m allergic to NSAIDs so I have to wait out the inflammation) Anyway, I get off on tangents easily because of Anomic Aphasia (brain damage from lots of meds). So, I think this all happened to me so I could show my sons resilience, and endurance, patience, compassion, and self- control. So far it has worked out that way. They are both young men, 24 and 22. they were 8 and 10 when they had to learn how to cook and do laundry. I have had my failures. I have twice attempted to check out of this life. So, that meant two trips to the looney bin. I’d been under psychiatric care since 14, but not medicated until 24. The last time was juat last year. When I came home, my son monitored my internet use because I had mania spent a large amount of money just click and buy on ebay. So I don’t even LOOK at Ebay now. It was just by chance I found your blogs. I read and I cried, and cried, and cried. And then the Shiners showed up as a suggested group for me to join. I had never joined a group before. My last experience with chatrooms was AOL, years ago. So Sunny accepted me. And every time I go in there, some one or something said, or picture posted, is uplifting. Even if it means I’m only going to be happy for the time I’m in the room, it brightened my day. One of the members and I have become very close. His name is Javier Bordon. He’s my pretend son. We share the same birthday!!! I just had it 17 years earlier than he! So, he and I will chat outside the room, too. So, you are all about positivity and taking self control and owning up to ourselves and quit making excuses. If we are unsatisfied with something, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Well, that’s what good Catholics are supposed to do. Positivity = love your neighbor as you love yourself. Taking self control = if you want to get close to God, DO IT! Start talking to the Big Guy. Give him thanks, and also ask for guidance here and there. Let him know you need him. Owning up and stopping the excuses = Don’t be just a Christmas Catholic. Be Catholic year round! And the thing that I’m unsatisfied is I gained back about 45 pounds. in the past 8 months now, I have lost 34 pounds buy just making every movement a dance movement. Now, I spend a LOT of time in my hospital bed but that doesn’t mean I can’t do stretches and some range of motion exercises, and some isometric exercises. Then I get in my massage chair (by ijoy about years old, BEST THING EVER) and I’ll go thru one 15 minute session. Then I’ll get on the floor and do some things and finish up the exercise list. I have handrails as much throughout the house and I could get. So, I’ll do some ballet stretches unsing the handrails as balance rails. Then I’ll do some plies and then on point and see how far I can get but even if I have to back down to the balls of my feet it’s still working. When I make the turn into the dining area I point and touch and point and touch with my sock covered feet, lol! So know we are in the kitchen, hmmm. what to eat? Some days I will make a bowl of oatmeal and eat off of it all day long. The next day I might have eggs with bacon scrambled in and dry toast. Then yoghurt with and apple for lunch and maybe a hot pocket (if my oldest hasn’t cooked). Then some day’s go by me and I forget to eat (anomic aphasia). Or I my son will ask me what I ate today and I’ll say whatever his brother cooked. Then he’ll go ask Acha what he cooked for me, and he tells Flaco that every time he asks if I’m hungry I told him I had just had a yoghurt not long ago….. and we haven’t had yoghurts for a couple of days. So, we are all working together on that. Flaco keeps Boosts on hand for days he doesn’t trust that I’ve eaten so I get a milkshake! But still, I am still here, I just get lost for a little while. And I can adapt my life around this aphasia. I do a lot of writing, songs, poetry and letters to people. I compute a lot. And I read a lot on my Kimble. That doesn’t look right, but so be it. I love sudoku so that helps the brain too. I’m bilingual. This is a bilingual home. But the doctor says that if I start a conversation in English to try to remember all the words in English. Also with Spanish. But rather than give up and turn into a vegetable, I’m fighting as hard as I can because I want to Shine with my future possible grandchildren!!!! I want them to know a coherent Grandma! So, back to dancing instead of just walking, in the kitchen, I’m pretty safe because there are surfaces to steady myself with all around. Sometimes I’ll put some Elvis Crespo on and relive my bartender/dancer days at the night club I worked at as a second job. This one man, who courted me, would not allow anyone else to play “Suavemente” on the Jukebox. And when he came in, we would salsa our asses off! “Suavemente…. besame…. yo quiero sentir tus labios besandome otra vez.” My favorite dance is la cumbia. Rogelio and I could dance to every song on the Nickelodean! He led like a master! If a man can dance with passion….. well, he can do EVERYTHING with passion! My son has offered to take me dancing. I just might take him up on it!!! I fit back into my hoochie momma dresses,lol! and I can still get around in my platform shoes! So, you and Sunny and the girls have given me an outlet, a new view, and the faith that my goals are attainable. I am 186 today. I want to get down to 175. I was 150 before kids, but I’m in the same size of clothes. Having had three difficult pregnancies in less than 5 years permanently distended my uterus and then I had a cancer scare and had to have some tumors removed and the surgery did some damage too. But I didn’t have cancer, they were benign tumors, and I’m here today. I have an hourglass figure, facing front, side view, not fat but thick. I’m 5′ 7″ so 175 will look fine. I hope to tell you soon that I’ve been dancing!!! (I’ve just got to change my sleep schedule to where I’m awake past 11pm, lol) “it shall be for thee my lord, for thee…that I will SHINE……Until Tomorrow”!!!!! Mua!!

I loved the way you treated my friends at the convention this weeked. All of us love and adore you. Could you till a wee bit by Sunny’s reaction? lol I am hoping to be able to sojourn to Atlanta or Naxhville to see you boy’s again. I think my next hair color will be black. You should create an alias account on facebook and sit in on some Shine sessions. We are close enough in age I can say this. I’m proud of you, not for your 95 movies, and camels on TV programs, all of that is nice, but what I’m proud of is that you didn’t back off from the girls because they had less than perfect figures. I was in there category about 18-20 years ago. I’m in a better place according for weight. But I had a pain seizure last night and another one this morning. So I have been forced to stay in my room.
I belive I am allergic to my cat….. went to bed at 4:30am and she wanted me up at 8:22am. So I got up and went to the liveing room to get a bost that I had previously emptied by putting things up since the move home. I think I’ve gotten rid of 13 pairs so far. Anyway, I just wanted to thank you, for keeping my friends elated. Knowing that someone of notoriety knows you is a privelidge. Season 2 of TWD I sent Norman a book I’d gotten from McKay’s used books and stuff. I had been looking for something in the Catholic session and 3 rows back was a row of bargain priced books from the Sexuality section. It had a red cover. I can’t recall the title, but as I skimmed over the book I’d write my reviews of whether or not it’s really fun or the lenght of penis needed to attempt. Things like that all thru the book. Well I happened to be on the phone with a friend who had Wendy Shepard on the phone at the same time that WS nad Norm on the phone. So, via many tin cans and a lot of twine, I introduced myself as the Red Sed Book Lady…. “That was you!! Shit, I can’t believe it!!! Well how are ya?!…. and a short 3 minute conversation occurred that meant a lot to me. I have to stop. I wanted to end this blog as positive as I started, but I am about to pass out from the pain… but i’m proud of you

I don’t have a new resolution to share. I have however finally fulfilled the commitments I made to myself in august of 2013. I have lost a total of 43 kg (which would translate to about somewhere close to 95 pounds I think?) and I have shed my bad habits. I don’t drink anymore, I don’t eat sugar and I cook everything from scratch, no processed foods or crappy fast food. I sold my car and ride my bike, walk or take the bus everywhere (swedish public transport is awesome).

And tomorrow I will finally fulfill my last commitment and run a half marathon which would have been impossible a year and a half ago. And I did this by myself, no surgery, no pills or any of that junk, just a tone of exercise, a healthy diet and determination. I hadn’t read this before but this post is awesome and I do believe it was faith that I would read it on the night before the half marathon. I know now from being overweight my entire life that the only one that can change it is oneself. No diets and personal trainers can make me. You have to want it yourself. And the day you get into that amazing dress in a size small and run your first 13 miles it is all worth it. All that kale. All the blisters. All the drinks I didn’t drink. It’s so worth it. And partying without alcohol is so much better, believe it or not.

Thank you Sean for writing this. I will continue reading your blog and you will continue to be an inspiration to me. And I apologize for my english, but I am swedish and english is not my first language, not even my second. Take care! 🙂

a little late too. hope you don’t mind the revival of old posts.
Oh yes. Resolve. Problem being, of course, that you really only find that kind of resolve in a percentage of a percentage of the populace, right?
I’ve always hated the tradition of New Years resolutions. The whole thing makes my bull-shit-o-meter go glingeliglingeligling.
People making grand promises, (glingleglingle…) and breaking them again (more glingeglingeglingeling). Besides, if you really want change, you are not going to sit around waiting for New Years eve. Or of Monday. Or tomorrow. That’s just glingeliglinge….
A wise old lady taught me that “you should never make promises you can’t keep, particularly not to young men with stars in their eyes.” I’ll like to add: “or to yourself”.
So stop that making “resolutions” about doing a half marathon, etc. if you have been inactive for years.
Start where you are and set goals you can reach. Right here, right now. Not tomorrow. Or on January first.
It might be that today you promise yourself to do 5 minutes of exercise. (Or 7 or 10, or 2½.) It’s not important how many minutes. But you need to set the bar at a height that you *know* in your heart of hearts that you can do, today. Right now.
Yes, we have all kinds of excuses. “I work from can to can’t, so how could I find time”. That was one of mine. You know what? 5 minutes. I could find those, and so can you. You probably spent that already just reading this. Do it. Just 5 fucking minutes. And then allow yourself 30 seconds of sheer unblemished pride. Feel good about yourself. You did it. You made a promise to yourself and kept it. In the darkness behind your eyes. that is where the real enemy lives, that lying scum Bastard. The Bastard will try to tell you that 5 minutes is not enough, you should be doing more or better or whatever. He *likes* the word “should”. Tune him out and tell yourself that you did good. Then make this promise to yourself “tomorrow I will promise myself (insert relevant reachable goal) minutes of exercise, and I *will* feel good about myself when I am done”
yes, yes, I know… 5 minutes is not a lot, but it’s more than you did yesterday, if you are like me. Right? And besides, when was the last time you felt good about yourself? eh? come on, be honest now, it’s just between you, me and Sean – when? I know how it is. I’m fat, always have been. I know how that Bastard that lives in the darkness behind my eyes sound, and how he tells me that I’m not worthy of feeling good because I’m a fatty. Well. I defy him. By 5 minutes today, and a promise of a tomorrow. And by *allowing* myself to feel good. For just 30 frigging seconds..
I might never be slim, I hardly think I’ll ever be “skinny” but if I have to be a fatty, I’ll damn well be the fittest fatty you ever saw, you dark Bastard.
After 4 weeks of doing 7 minutes each day (7 because that was the free app I found. Hell yes, there are even apps for this shite. Doesn’t matter which one or any, but I like the whistle and bells mine provide. And the reminders) I had a coworker come up to me and say “wow, you look well today” 2 weeks later a friend, who have been away for a couple of months asked me if I had lost weight. I don’t think I had, but you know what? I don’t -ing care, because my back doesn’t hurt as much, and I no longer feel like my blood is liquid lead. And right about that time my craving for sugary foods gave up in disgust and went away. I’ll always love chocolate, but I’m not rumaging desperately through the kitchen for some.

About a year ago I upped the ante. Oh, I had tried all the sports that women my age are “supposed” to enjoy. The local gym offers classes at a 6 months basis, so I did pilates, then aerobics, then pilates-with-a-ball. Boooooring. To me, at least. So I decided, after much agonizing, that just maybe I could swim an old river again. Through my teen years I did Jiu jitsu, but the oldest member of that dojo was a tottering decrepit 30 year old (gasp) And I’d turned 40. I contacted the sensei of a local dojo and asked straight out, if they had room for an old white whale, who had last been in a dojo 20 years and 20 kg ago. He laughed in delight and said that grey hairs were welcome, as there was a bunch of them just happy to still have hair. I asked about whether to just show up, or wait for a new class to start, he told me that they started from scratch every time, since most of them were too old to remember last week anyway.
Of course he was overplaying things, but I am neither the oldest, nor the fattest and I am having the time of my life. I know myself better,know how I learn, so this time around, I both have some old musclememory that actually turns up and an easier time learning new stuff, because I can say, wow, stop, show me one part at a time, I can’t get all of it at once.
Our JJ goes from 6 th kyu to 1st and then on to black. I left off wearing 2nd kyu and am now starting to work towards my 1st. I am damn well going to wear the black before I get too old to stagger onto the training mat. But that is in the future. Today, right here, right now, I promise myself a promise of tomorrow and I feel good, because I am writing this having just finished my exercise minutes of today. I’m still fat but I am a fitter fat. And I think just a little bit also a slimmer fatty. And a much happier one.
5 minutes folks. Right here, right now. And a promise of tomorrow.

I’ve changed the app now to doing 45 sec sets instead of 30 and some days I do more than one round. I’m not at the top of the mountain, I don’t even think about that mountain, because that is just daunting. I just think about the next step. Today, right here, right now, and the promise of tomorrow.

I have never believed in New Years resolutions. We have 365 days a year to choose to make a change. Everyday we wake up is an opportunity to fix something or change something or start something new.